Tow chandlers ancestors
by Phoebejoeyfan
Summary: When the group gather in London for Joey's new play they all realise they want to be more than friends, but at what cost? p/j... r/r m/c later *Chapter 36 now up* *FINISHED* r&r :o)
1. Opening Night

Tow Chandlers Ancestors  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters and am in no way affiliated with NBC or Warner Bros. If only eh? ( This is my first fan fiction so please read and review (  
  
Joey paced backwards and forwards of the stage floor.this was it, he had made the big time. Well I suppose you could call Days of our lives Big he said, he thought for a minute then shook his head. No this was the real thing. He had done plenty of plays before, but never one as astounding as this, he was the lead, and it was in London of all places! He could hardly believe it. As he continued to walk the floor and ponder the questions of how and why a loud scream of someone shouting his name jolted him back to reality. As he turned to face the audience stalls he saw his 5 friends walking down the theatre's aisle towards him. "Guys you made it" he shouted, running towards the orchestra pit, arms stretched out in a welcoming manner. "Like we would miss this," replied Rachel smiling. "So how's it going big guy? Fame gone to your head yet? Got diva like tendencies? Should we start calling you J-Trib? " Asked Chandler.  
  
"I can't believe how nervous I am, I've never been like this before.I actually feel physically sick. I don't think I can do this! Chandler replied instantly "off course you can buddy, we're all here to support you, we're right behind you! When you're up there and you think like that just remember we will be in the audience rooting for you! Joey looked genuinely touched by Chandler's statement "Awww, thanks man, I really appreciate that" Phoebe suddenly appeared from behind Ross, who was towering over her. "You know this reminds me of the time when my Mom had just killed herself, and I was out in the streets. Myself and the guy I shared a box with, started the homeless peoples puppet theatre. It was my first shot at fame, you know, and our one hope of raising some money to upgrade to a bigger box. "Was that how you met Pete the puppet man?" Monica pondered "Um, No. Don't you ever listen to my stories?" The gang stared at each other awkwardly. "So anyway." Phoebe started to continue  
  
A large man holding a clipboard approached Joey from behind.  
  
"Time to roll Joey, we're on in less than an hour"  
  
"Oh man, an hour, I need at least that for the bathroom alone" "Go get 'em big guy" smiled chandler Monica shot him a worrying look. "Will you please stop calling him that, I'm beginning to question your sexuality again" Chandler turned sharply to stare at his friend. "Again! When was the first time?  
  
Without hesitation Monica replied, mimicking Chandler "1988, Wham Concert, you waving yours arms like a mad man shouting, George, over here! Here George! It also didn't help that you were wearing a "feel me up before you go go" T-shirt  
  
Chandler nodded in agreement "Point taken" (under his breath) "I loved that T-shirt" Ross patted his back, full of understanding.  
  
Joey by now looking clearly agitated, began to wave at his friends  
  
"Wish me luck!"  
  
5 voices shouts of "good luck" and "break a leg" echoed the theatre, as they watched their friend disappear into the wings. They all stood in silence for a few minutes, wondering if Joey was going to be ok up there. They knew this was his one shot at stardom. This could make or break him. and knowing Joeys past history it wasn't looking good.  
A few hours later the play was over and Joey couldn't hide his excitement.  
  
"I did I, I really friggin' did it" he jumped up and down in the one spot The rest of the gang nodded and smiled in agreement "You sure did!" beamed phoebe as she moved in for a hug. "We're all so proud of you" "Hey im proud of myself!" Joey laughed; finally able to relax and enjoy the attention he was being given. He felt like a little boy again, readily accepting all the praise that was thrown at him.  
"So what are your plans for the rest of the evening?" Joey wondered; knowing he still had a busy night ahead of him.  
  
Monica was the first to reply "I think Chandler and I are just gonna crash. its been a long day" "Yeah, same with us" Rachel nodded towards Ross. "Great, I'm left on my own as usual!" Phoebe answered dryly.  
  
"Your more than welcome to join me Pheebs" Joey offered. "I don't think you will be too interested though, its gonna be pretty boring"  
  
"What, more boring than going back to an empty hotel room?  
  
"Well I have a few press interviews to do, then there's a party back at my hotels function suite" Joey smiled like he knew something that no one else did.  
  
Phoebe nodded in agreement, just about willing to go along with anything Joey had planned, as long as it meant she wasn't alone, she had had enough of loneliness to last her a life time. Infact she was rather hoping to meet a charming British man to sweep her of her feet. Her daydreams of a Hugh Grant look-a-like approaching her, leaning in to kiss her were broken with Joey tugging her arm.  
  
"Come on Pheebs, I have places to be, people to meet" he smiled smugly.  
  
"See you tomorrow guys, have a great night! And remember to keep Phoebe away from the punch Joey, you know she gets carried away with herself!" Monica laughed and looked at Phoebe, hoping she wouldn't take offence at her joke. Phoebe grunted and swung her hair as she turned to Joey "Lets go party, Mr. Tribbiani". She grabbed onto his arm and began to walk proudly.  
  
The gang moved in separate directions. Phoebe and Joey moved towards the back of the stage, while Monica, Ross, Chandler and Rachel walked slowly out into the cold London streets.  
  
******xxxx****** The 4 friends stood outside the theatre for a bit, pondering their next move.  
  
"I think we had better get a cab. Its getting cold and I don't want to get sick while im here. You know how easily I get ill!" Ross moaned while the other rolled their eyes in disgust. "Did mommy write you a note, because if she didn't I think getting a cab is out of the question" Chandler mocked Ross' moaning but before Ross had a chance to answer him Rachel added she thought it was a good idea, though for a different reason. She wanted back to the hotel as quickly as possible so she could tell Ross something that had been on her mind for a long time. If she didn't say it soon she new she would never be able to.  
  
A black taxi approached the group as Chandler stuck his hand out to hail it. The cab stopped and all 4 friends jumped in. "Shaftesbury hotel please" asked Ross as he began to take a seat next to Monica. The drive turned around and looked at the 4 in disgust. "Are you people stupid? You're on Shaftesbury Avenue, the hotel is right across the road!" He turned and pointed to a huge, well-lit building sporting a British flag outside. They all looked at each other, not sure weather to laugh or cry. Chandler as usual tried to make light of the situation "So how much do we owe you?" The cabby didn't bat an eyelid; he slid his hand through the plastic partition and opened the right hand door. They knew this was their cue to get out. Rachel slammed the door behind and ran after the others "Hey guys wait up" she shouted as she ran across the road checking for oncoming traffic as she went.  
  
As the gang approached the hotel lobby to get there keys Rachel grabbed Ross' arm. "Get my key for me please well I run to the bathroom, thanks" and at that she ran off in the direction of the toilet. Ross looked a little dejected "Ross open the door, Ross hold my purse, Ross unhook my bra" At the sound of Ross' last statement Monica and Chandler turned to look at him with worried looks on their faces. Ross suddenly fighting to find and explanation stared back at them. "What? She had a sore arm, she couldn't reach" He replied in his most convincing tone. With looks of confusion and unbelieving Mon and Chandler turned back to the reception desk.  
  
"Can I get the keys for rooms 312 and 313 please" asked Monica realising she was right next door Chandler made her stomach flip and she wasn't sure why. It felt like a nervous twitch, but what reason did she have for feeling so anxious. The sound of metal hitting wood brought Monica back to reality. She looked and down and picked up her and Chandler's keys. While Ross got his and Rachel's hotel room keys Monica and Chandler moved towards the elevator to wait on the others.  
  
They all gathered inside the elevator. "What floor you guys on" Monica nodded towards Ross and Rachel and waited on an answer. "I'm on the 4th floor, what about you Rach'" "Hey, the same, snap" she smiled Monica reached out and pressed the 3rd and 4th floor buttons. Suddenly the doors opened. "Wow, that was quick" Monica said, somewhat stunned. "Well that is the point of elevators" Chandler quipped before he felt Monica nudge him hard between the ribs with her elbow. He made a mumbling sound before exiting the doors with Mon in tow.  
  
"See you guys at breakfast!" Monica waved as she turned and headed towards her room.  
  
*~*  
  
Rachel and Ross stood as still as mannequins while the elevator doors closed in front of them. It began to descend upwards, but suddenly came to a crashing halt. They turned to each other; both hoping the other had an answer to what had just happened. When no answer came both began to panic. "ROSS" Rachel screamed and began to breath heavily. "Ross" she repeated "I don't like confined spaces, please get this god damn thing moving, please Ross" Her breathing becoming heaver and more panicked.  
  
Ross not knowing what to do started to hit the elevator buttons, not caring what he hit. He was clearly panicking himself, but didn't want to frighten Rachel any more. After a few minutes on hitting more buttons and nothing happening he turned to Rachel; who had her back against the wall. She was visibly disturbed by the experience and crying uncontrollably. Ross moved towards her and put his arms around her "Shh Rachel, its gonna be OK. I'm here, nothing bad is going to happen." They stood there like that for what seemed like an eternity, Ross rocking Rachel back and forwards like she was a baby being cradled to sleep. The moment was broken with Rachel pulling away from Ross' embrace. She began in a vain attempt to wipe his shirt of her tears. "Don't worry about it Rach" "Im so, so sorry Ross, I really am, but I just get so sca." She started to sob again, unable to get her words out. It didn't stop her talking though. "I think my fear of being confined began one year when I was about 8. My dad had taken my sisters and I sailing on his boat. It was such a beautiful day." she paused to wipe her tears and sniffle. "He wanted to surprise us, and cheer us up. You see we were all so upset when my mum went into hospital." Ross looked shocked "Oh God Rachel, I didn't realise you mom had been ill?" Rachel nodded "Yeah it was such a big operation, she was having her nose remodelled.rhinoplasty takes so much out of a person.that's why she didn't want me to have it.but anyway" she sobbed again and her throat made a little squeak. Ross didn't know what kind of reaction to give. We were all having such a good time, laughing and joking around when it started to rain. My dad said it would be best if we made our way back to shore. I can remember it like yesterday. I felt so disappointed, it was the first time I had seen my dad laugh .and come to think of it, it was the last. I didn't want it to end. I begged and pleaded with him for just 10 more minutes. I knew he couldn't resist me when I looked up at him as I grabbed onto his leg. He agreed thinking the storm wouldn't come to much. But it did." She stopped yet again trying to get her breath and clear her face of the wet. "Rach, you don't have to explain to me if you don't want to." Rachel ignored him and carried on with her story, only giving a little nod to let him know she was fine.  
  
"My dad was always calm, no matter what he was faced with, but the look on his face that day as the boat rocked back and forth I knew he was petrified. I was only little, but I knew something was really wrong. My dad grabbed my sisters and me and shoved us into this tiny little cupboard where my Mom kept extra pillows and blankets. The three of us where so squashed together we were practically on top of one another. My sisters were crying for my dad, and I couldn't comfort them, I was too scared myself. I wanted out to help my dad, what if something bad had happened to him? We would all die because no one knew where we were. I started to bang at the cupboard door but it was jammed.. I kept pounding on it, screaming for my dad to let me out, but he never came. I couldn't breath and there was no space and." Ross put his finger on her lips, motioning for her to stop, as she was clearly distressed again. The tears fell freely from her eyes as Ross wiped them away for her, his thumbs moving in opposite directions across her face. Without moving her head she looked up at him. Her crying stopped and her breathing stabilized. Ross could still feel her heart pounding in her chest like a tiny drum. He removed his hands from her face, but neither of them moved. They stood staring into each other's eyes silently. Ross was the first to break the silence "What are you thinking?" he muttered quietly Rachel opened her mouth to speak and as she did the elevator gave a slight shudder and moved upwards. Within seconds the door opened. Rachel, clearly forgetting everything that was in her mind raced towards them and exited as fast as she could. Ross on the other hand was in no hurry to leave.he could still smell Rachel's sweet scent lingering in the air and along with it the tension of the past 15 minutes. "I can't believe that just happened. I was so scared. I swear im never getting in another one of those steel death traps as long as I live". She turned to walk to her room but paused to look behind her. "Are you going to stay in there all day?" she smiled and put her hand out to him. He walked towards her, still having said nothing. As he approached she dropped her hand to her side, furiously looking for her key. "Ah, there it is" she sighed a breath of relief as she put it in the keyhole and turned. Ross was behind her the whole time, still quiet, just watching her elegant movements, wondering why he was so stupid to have ever let her go.  
  
~*~ 


	2. I love you

Disclaimer: I still don't own any of the characters  
The noise of hundreds of people chatting in the hotels function suite was deafening. Phoebe sat alone next to a huge bowl of punch; glass in hand, gulping her drink down as if it were her last. This clearly wasn't the case as she emptied the glass and dipped into the bowl for the 20th time that night. Monica's words of warning earlier rang true in Phoebes head. but what did she care she was lonely and sad. Well not anymore. 20 glasses of lethal punch had filled that void, for today at least. The room around her was slightly blurred, but she could still see a handsome man in his late 40's approach her. His English accent was music to Phoebe's ears. "Why is such a pretty lady sitting here, all on her own?" the man smiled and stretched out his hand towards her. "My names Michael" "I'm Phoebe" she replied rather drunkenly "What a pretty name, for a pretty lady" Phoebe giggled and looked up at him "I am pretty aren't I?" she smiled, but suddenly her mood changed "So why the hell does no one want me?" she asked half angry half sad. Michael kneeled down next to her. "I want you pretty lady" his tone lustful and almost perverse. "How about we take a ride in my car?" he sneered.  
  
From across the room Joey stood chatting to a group of girls, whom he considered to be hot. But for some reason he couldn't keep his mind on the conversation. He hadn't seen phoebe since they had arrived at the party. His stomach was churning, both with worry and guilt. Phoebe was his best friend, after Chandler of course he thought to himself. How could he be so selfish as to ditch her, especially as she was so low? He had never seen Phoebe without a smile on her face, or a positive word to say. His smile grew as he thought of all the fun times they had together, throwing wet paper towels, locking Chandler out of the apartment and hearing him cry in frustration as he banged the door. before his thoughts could go any further he spotted his friend trying to walk as composed as possible across the hall. Why was she heading for the exit, surely she wasn't leaving without him. His smile fell as he saw the tall, handsome man next to her with his arm around her. He watched them as they got further and further from his view. He turned back around to see the hot girls he had been chatting to only minutes before had disappeared, and he surprised himself with not caring one bit. He was too sad about Phoebe abandoning him. or was it something to do with the fact she had left with another man and not him? In the last few months he had seen Phoebe in a totally different light. There were times when he lay alone at night in his huge king size bed, with just hugsy for company, longing that she was next to him, cuddling him as they fell asleep. It was the first time he had thought of a woman in bed with him with no sex involved. If Phoebe isn't here I don't want to be here either he mumbled to himself as he began to walk to the same exit Phoebe had walked out of 10 minutes before him. He felt the cold air hit as he closed the door behind him. He hugged himself tightly to keep the heat in his body while he looked around him. "Damn, wrong exit" he said to himself as he realised he was in the car park. As he turned and grabbed the door handle he heard a familiar voice cry out. He stopped dead in his tracks and listened.  
  
"No, please don't hurt me, no, please, NO!" phoebe cried out as Michael grabbed furiously at her top, ripping open the buttons.  
  
Joey began to run around the car park. "PHOEBE WHERE ARE YOU?" Joey screamed, fear building in his mind. He wasn't one to pray but he was now. "Please God let me find her safe" he repeated like a mantra. "JOEY!" Phoebe screamed back, soberly. "Please help me Joey, he's hurting me," she sobbed.  
  
He turned to his left, seeing a head tower over a large jeep. He ran in the direction of the car as fast as his legs would carry him. "Get off of her you bastard" Joey shouted as he lunged at Michael, throwing him to the ground. He sat next to Phoebe who was lying on the ground, half naked and bleeding. She looked up at him; staring into his big brown eyes she usually felt comfort and safeness, but now his eyes looked sad. "I'm s. so sor. sorry" she tried to apologise, her tears stopping her. "Hey you have nothing to apologise for" He took her in his arms and she cried hysterically into his chest. A pang of guilt came over him. "This is all my fault," he said under his breath."I shouldn't have left her alone, with strangers, in a strange country".im never letting her out of my sight again he vowed to himself.  
  
By now Michael had done a runner. He was out of sight, but he defiantly wasn't out of mind.  
  
Joey let go of Phoebe and helped her to her feet. As he looked down her breasts where peeping through her open shirt. A wave of emotions washed over him as he tried in vain to cover her up. He walked her over to the steps of the hotels back entrance where they both sat down. Phoebe was quiet, she hadn't spoken since she tried to apologise and Joey didn't know whether to press her for information or not. He pondered it for a few minutes before he couldn't handle it anymore. "Phoebe." she looked up at him again, their eyes locked together. "Did.did that man. r. rape you" as soon as he asked it he wished he hadn't, he didn't really want to know the answer. All was quiet for a second, and then Phoebe shook her head. "He tried, if it hadn't been for you." her voice trailed of as she realised if Joey hadn't saved her she may have been dead by now. Tears welled in her eyes as she thought about the night's events. Relief shot through Joey's body. Thank God he thought.my baby is going to be ok. "Lets get you back to you hotel" he wrapped his arms around her lovingly. She smiled up at him and kissed him on the lips. "You're my hero Joseph Francis Tribbiani.I'll never forget what you've done for me" she leaned in and kissed him again softly. This was the moment Joey had been waiting for, but as he looked at his friend blooded and battered he knew he couldn't take advantage of her innocent kiss. He let go of her and took the car keys from his pocket. "Lets go" he motioned to her as he walked towards his car.  
  
~*~  
  
Back in room 422 of the Shaftesbury hotel Ross lay in bed going over the last 9 years of his life. "Why hadn't she wanted me as much as I wanted her" "Why did she have to come back into my life after high school" "Why am I still obsessed with her!" he shook his head, too many questions going through his mind. As he rolled over to go to sleep a tear fell from his eye. "She doesn't know how much she's hurting me," he said aloud as he shut his eyes and drifted off to sleep.  
  
Ross wasn't the only one who was still awake. In room 312 Chandler lay on his bed with a glass of water in his hand reading a British newspaper. He finished the last page, shut it over and placed his glass on the nightstand by his bed. He got up and walked over to a small table and chairs situated next to the window. He pulled open the curtains and took a seat, watching the world go by outside. It had been such a long 24 hours, but yet he was unable to sleep. He didn't know exactly what was keeping him awake, but he was pretty sure it was something to do with jet lag. He rested his legs of the arm of the other chair and leaned back, sighing as he went. He loved Britain and everything about it. Again he didn't know why he was so comfortable here. It was probably something to do with the fact he had been born here. His dads family were from Scotland and his parents had been there visiting when his Mom, Nora had gone into labour.  
  
He didn't remember a thing about it, but from the stories he had heard from his parents before they divorced made the place sound wonderful. "Maybe I'll go visit and look up my family while im here" he nodded to himself while yawning. "I'll look into in the morning," he said aloud as he drew the curtains again, pushed the chair back under the table and headed back to bed.  
  
~*~  
  
The elevator pinged and the doors opened. Phoebe and Joey walked out, his arms still around her, as if still trying to protect her. Joey took the key from Phoebe and opened the door for her. She entered the room, leaving Joey standing at the door. She turned around and stared at him. "Joey, please don't feel awkward around me, I couldn't stand it if you were uncomfortable with me" tears began to appear in her eyes again. "Aw, sweetheart I don't, im just sad about what's happened is all." Phoebe nodded feeling content with his answer. She turned and sat on the end of her bed, her head in her hands. Joey, who was still at the door, looked at the wreck that was his friend, his one true love. He moved inside the room and closed the door behind him. Phoebe, not seeing him enter thought he had left and jumped up. "Joey, please don't leave me, don't leave me ever again." She ran towards him and he embraced her. He nodded, "I'm here with you always baby girl, I swear ill never let anyone hurt you as long as I live." Now he was crying, all the emotions running through him pouring out. Knowing he had to be strong for his friend, he wiped the damp from his face and composed himself. "Lets get you cleaned up," he stated, walking Phoebe to the bathroom.  
  
Joey sat at the edge of Phoebe's bed alone. She had been in the bath now for over half an hour. He got up and chapped the bathroom door. "You ok Pheebs?" he questioned. "I'm ok, ill be out in a minute." He sensed she was smiling, which made him grin too.  
  
The door opened as Phoebe appeared, wearing a large pink towel wrapped around her, her hair wet and curly from the steam. She walked past Joey and moved towards her wardrobe. Joey noticed her soft pink skin was slightly bruised, but she was still so beautiful and delicate looking. He wanted to hug her and never let her go. Thoughts of gently making love to her raced through his mind. He felt good and bad at the same time. How could he dream of having sex with her when she had been hurt so badly? He felt disgusted with himself, trying to erase the images of Phoebe naked from his head. Phoebe, sensing something was on Joey's mind put down the bedclothes she had picked out and walked towards her friend. "Do you want to talk?" she questioned him "Do you" he threw the question back at her.  
  
She nodded as she took his hand and led him to the table by the window. They took seats next to each other and sat in silence for a short moment, each not knowing where to begin. Phoebe reached down to her side and lifted her purse. She unzipped it and took a pack of cigarettes and lighter out. Joey was clearly shocked "PHOEBE!" he gasped "I only smoke when I have something on my mind" she smiled. "I never knew!" Joey answered still stunned. "There's a lot you don't know about me Joey"  
  
He felt bad. Had he not listened to her enough? Had he not spent enough time with her? Had he been selfish all this time?  
  
Phoebe took a cigarette from the pack and lit it up, blowing smoke out towards Joey. He absent-mindedly noticed how sexy it looked.  
  
She took another drag on her cigarette and began to talk.  
  
"Joey, first of all I want to say how sorry I am about tonight. And before you say it wasn't my fault, I know it wasn't. I'm just sorry you had to see what you saw. I can see the hurt in you eyes, and it pains me. Seeing you hurting saddens me more than that man attacking me."  
  
"Phoebe, how can you be so strong?" Joey shook his head in amazement and disbelief  
  
"I lived on the streets for 8 years, this isn't the first time something like this has happened to me." her voiced trailed off, fearing she had said too much. "I had to get over a lot of things from my past, otherwise I wouldn't have had a future. I just didn't expect it too happen all over again. Joey reached out and took her free hand, stroking it gently with his thumb. "But this is something I will get over, because I refuse to dwell on things, no matter how good or bad they are"  
  
Joey smiled the biggest grin Phoebe had ever seen  
  
"Its things like that that make me love you" he blurted out quickly before he realised what he had just said. Phoebe looked visibly shocked. "You love me?" There was so going back now, he had to tell her everything. 


	3. Sleepless night

Joey smiled the biggest grin Phoebe had ever seen  
  
"Its things like that that make me love you" he blurted out quickly before he realised what he had just said. Phoebe looked visibly shocked. "You love me?" There was so going back now, he had to tell her everything.  
  
Disclaimer: Still not owning friends :o(  
  
This part is dedicated to starfriend and Kerop who gave me very first reviews :o) This chapter is quite small, but leads up to the next chapter, which is longer.  
~*~  
  
Phoebe listened intently to what Joey had to say for an hour. She didn't once interrupt him; he was too deep in his thoughts. She couldn't wait for him to finish.she wanted him; she needed him. Too often she had lay awake, fantasizing about him. Sometimes it was just sexual, but more often than not it was about her and Joey having a house in the city, kids running around the living room as Joey chased them.  
  
Joey was in mid sentence when Phoebe got up from her chair and walked away from Joey's sight. His stomach dropped. The only person he had ever loved had just rejected him in the cruellest way possible. He hung his head in shame at being as stupid to think she would want him. He sat, inches away from crying when he heard her voice. He turned around slowly to see her sitting on the bed, staring straight at him. "Phoebe, I'm." "Shh" she said as she motioned him over to her He got up and walked towards the bed not knowing what to think. He stopped in front her. He looked down to see her reach for the top of the towel. She gently unhooked it and let it slip around her, never taking her eyes from Joey. She wanted to savour his reaction, never to forget it.  
  
~*~  
  
Chandler had been sleeping for just 20 minutes when he awoke. He opened his eyes and stared at the wall trying to gain some vision in dark. He shut his eyes again, trying desperately to get back to sleep, but after just a few seconds he knew it wasn't going to happen. "I'll get a drink," he thought as turned to reach for the glass he had left of his nightstand. As he placed out his hand to grab the glass he looked up.someone was standing over his bed watching. He jumped back as their eyes met. "Monica? What are you doing here"?  
  
~*~  
  
Ross had been asleep for 20 minutes too.but unlike Chandler he had no problem. He was deep in sleep, dreaming of saving Rachel from a huge dinosaur. "You're not even a meat eater, put her down, don't kill her," he mumbled incoherently with slight desperation in his voice. He was running with Rachel now, but he could hear the loud banging of huge feet chasing after them Bang, bang, bang, bang.. louder and less rhythmic. He jumped and sat up straight in bed. The banging wasn't in his dream; it was coming from his room. It took his a few seconds to register where the noise was coming from. It was his room door. Someone was chapping it furiously. "Who the hell is it at." he stared down at his alarm clock. "3:42" he finished as he switched on his light and headed for the door. He opened it to see a quivering mess in front of him.  
  
"Rachel" he gasped  
  
~*~  
  
Back in Phoebe's room, Joey lay cuddling into her. Their smiles so big it looked like their jaws may break. "So how did it feel to have some Phoebe love?" Phoebe giggled. "Wow!" was the only word Joey could muster. "Much better than Joey love!" "Oh I don't know about that," Phoebe giggled again.  
  
His arms were wrapped tightly around her waist, he was afraid to let go for fear that he would never get to be near her again. She slid down the bed and faced towards him, his arms never loosening their grip. Neither had to say a word, their faces said it all. Phoebe reached over and switched off the light before turning back to snuggle tightly into Joey. She shut her eyes as she drifted into sleep, the smile never leaving her face.  
  
Joey watched her for 20 minutes, as she breathed in and out in slow, steady breaths. She looked so beautiful and peaceful. Her eyes flickered slightly. He knew she was dreaming and he just hoped it was about him, and not what had happened to her earlier.  
  
This was just how he had pictured it, Phoebe in his arms as she slept, his strong arms holding her securely. Poor Hugsy he laughed as he thought of his bedtime penguin pal. Relegated back to the wall shelf. He didn't need his substitute any more; he had the real thing right next to him.  
  
~*~  
  
I hope this chapter was ok. It was a bit short, but there's plenty more to come. Also, more Mon/Chandler Ross/Rachel stuff in the next few chapters :o) Please leave me a review if you enjoyed it, I love feedback. If anyone has any ideas suggestions let me know and ill see about fitting them into the story. (((Hugs))) 


	4. Keeping secrets

Disclaimer: I don't own friends or any of the characters. (Yawn)  
  
Ross stood in the doorway staring at Rachel. She only had on her nightdress and was shivering with the cold in the airy hallway. Her hair was a mess and her mascara had run down her wet cheeks.  
  
"Can I come in?" she asked, her voice quivering. "Of course you can" Ross opened the door wider and cleared a path for her.  
  
"What happened Rach?" he questioned, visibly concerned about her. "I had a nightmare about the elevator and the boat" she looked down as if she was embarrassed to admit it. "I didn't know where else to go." Ross felt strangely proud that she had come to him and not Monica or Phoebe. "Everyone else was downstairs, and I didn't want to get in the elevator on my own" Ross nodded, his pride now quickly diminished. He knew it was too good to be true.  
  
"Im sorry I woke you, I feel so mortified, I shouldn't have disturbed you, listen I'll go."  
  
"Hey, hey, hey, you don't have to feel ashamed and you certainly don't have to leave!"  
  
Rachel looked up at him and smiled. "I owe you so many favours after all the help you've given me today" Ross laughed nervously "Yeah I guess you do" he laughed again then cleared his throat. "Hmm, so anyway, why don't you get into bed and ill go get some more pillows and covers out of the wardrobe.  
  
"You don't have to sleep on the floor Ross, im the one being an inconvenience here." " Don't make me have to argue with you, Rachel Karen Greene," he said sternly with a smile on his face.  
  
She laughed and nodded. "Ok, well if you're sure"  
  
"I am, now go get in that bed," he said as he emptied the wardrobe of its bed sheets. "I wish he had been that demanding when we were dating," she thought to herself as she climbed under the covers, moving her hair out of the way as her head rested on the pillow. She lay watching Ross make himself a bed on the floor. His arms looked so strong and powerful. She knew he had been working out, but with clothes on she never noticed the extent to which is weight training had gone. She wanted those muscular arms to cuddle her right now, but she knew it wasn't the best idea in the world. It would only complicate things in the long run. "I have to leave soon after London, it's too late to start something" she tried to talk herself out of asking for a hug. Ross lay down, tossing and turning as he tried to get comfortable. "Goodnight Rach."  
  
Rachel paused for a moment, sadness in her eyes. "Goodnight Ross" "I'm really going to miss you when im gone" she whispered as she shut her eyes.  
  
~*~  
  
Chandler was still staring at Monica in confusion. She was the last person he expected to see at 3:45am standing by his bed. He repeated the question he had asked Monica, as she hadn't answered him. "What are you doing here?" he swung his legs out of bed and sat up straight. "Umm, don't get mad ok?" she asked looking for reassurance. Chandler grabbed her hands and she continued. "I woke up, and umm, I felt kind of lonely, and umm, scared" her face screwed up as if the last part was painful for her to admit. "Really? Scared? Monica-Warrior Princess? Scared huh? He laughed sarcastically. "CHANDLER!" Monica's voice rose by what sounded like ten octaves. "Do you always have to mock?" Chandler shrugged. "It's in my genes" he smirked. "Yeah well just make sure you keep it in you jeans" Monica quipped back.  
  
"So how did you manage to get in here?" "Umm, well." Monica screwed her face up again. Chandler sat back and crossed his arms waiting on the reply. "I went to reception and told them there had been a family emergency and I couldn't get you on the phone. So they gave me the master key the maid uses." "Ahh, the Monica we know and love" he mused. She slapped his thigh. "Stop it, im sorry ok. I wasn't going to wake you. I was just going to come in and sleep on the floor, then go before you woke and knew I was here. I only wanted to be somewhere I was comfortable. If it's so much of a problem ill go back to my own room and be alllll alone." She knew just what to say to wrap Chandler around her little finger.  
  
"Ok, you can stay, but no funny business you hear" Chandler wasn't finished with the sarcasm. "Yeah, dream on mate, like that's ever gonna happen" Chandler smiled, but deep down he was hurt by her comment. He knew she was just kidding back with him, but still it had hit a nerve.  
  
"Ok, well im going back to sleep, I don't know what you plan on doing?" "Awww" Monica sighed. "Can't we stay up and talk? We never talk." Chandler raised his eyes. "Monica, all we ever do is talk." "Noooo, like a girly chat" Monica jumped up on the bed, bouncing on her knees. "Come on it will be fun." She said as she continued to bounce.  
  
Chandler sighed and rolled his eyes again. "What you wanna talk about?" "Yay, this is gonna be so much fun." Mon clapped her hands together and took her position on the left hand side of the bed. "So what do you really think of Ross?"  
  
~*~  
  
The sun had started to rise just a little over an hour ago. Its rays beaming into Phoebe's room, casting shadows over her and a peacefully sleeping Joey. She had been awake for a few minutes, staring at her friend. She thought it was still a bit premature to think of him as her boyfriend. "Don't want to jinx myself," she thought seriously.  
  
Phoebe gently manoeuvred herself out of Joeys grip and moved as quietly as she could across the room to the bathroom. She heard Joey stir slightly. She paused and turned to watch him. He had turned onto his back and was now snoring softly. A smile crept onto her face as she closed the bathroom door behind her and began to draw herself a bath.  
  
Phoebe submerged herself into the warm bubble bath she had just run. The water was boiling and she could see her skin turn red ever so slightly. As she looked down at her skin she noticed the bruises she was covered in for the first time. A pang of sadness returned to her as she mulled over how stupid she had been. She ran through the event in her mind, watching it like a film. She could see Michaels face, eyes wide and raging as he tore at her clothes, groping her painfully. She closed her eyes in the hope the image would go but instead she saw another picture.  
  
Phoebe was just 13. Only a child. She was sitting on her sofa at home. Her Mom was in the kitchen baking cookies from a recipe Phoebe's grandmother had given her. Her stepfather was sitting next to her watching a football game on TV. Phoebe felt a familiar feeling raise in her stomach. it was panic. Her stepfather's hand was on her thigh, sliding up and down the length of her leg. She wanted to scream out for her mom to help her but she afraid. what would he do to her if she did? He already hurt her, physically and emotionally. He would most certainly kill her if she told her mother anything of his abuse. He had told her so on many occasions when he had crept into her room at night. It had been then that Phoebe decided to run away. She couldn't take it any more. She had to go now; this was her one chance at freedom. "Mom," she called as she stood up and away from his grasp. She looked at him and saw the panic mixed with hatred in his eyes. "I'm just going to go to the shops to get a magazine, then go round to Amanda's house for a little while" "Ok, but don't be long, you know I have to go out soon and I don't want your father out looking for you!" Phoebe tried not to cry as she went to her room to gather a few belongings. She threw some clothes and a framed picture of her and her mom taken that Christmas into a small blue rucksack. She walked back into the living room and then into the kitchen. She kissed her mom on the cheek. "Bye Mom" "See you soon Pheebs" her mom replied as Phoebe closed the door behind her, tears streaming her face It was the last either saw of each other.  
Phoebe opened her eyes and stared at the bubbles covering her body. A single teardrop fell from her eye. No one knew what she really had to endure in the past and they never would. She was so ashamed. Her father had left, her stepfather had abused her in everyway possible and her mother had killed herself. and it had all been her fault.  
  
Every one of her friends considered her the strong one amongst them, but if only they knew it was all a façade. She had even duped Joey into believing she was ok last night. He had told he loved her, but deep down she knew it had only been sex he was after. She had given him what he wanted and she was almost sure it would go no further. I bet he's gone when I get out here she told herself. Why would he want me? No one has ever wanted me. not really. It was only sleaze balls that seemed to fall for her. And Joey was no sleaze she smiled. she truly felt love for him, but in order to be with him she knew she would have to get the past off her chest. But she couldn't tell him. how could she tell him she had had sex with her stepfather and been preg. No, she shook her head. I can't go over this again, I have to get ready and go meet my friends and have a fun day with them. She would think about this later.  
  
She removed herself from the bath and wrapped herself tightly in a robe that hung on the door. She opened the door and paused half way out. Joey was standing next to the kettle that was placed on a little sideboard by the bed. "I made us coffee sweetie," he said before walking up to her and kissing her softly on the lips. He looked so happy and excited, like a little kid she noted.  
  
"He does love me," she told herself as her heart fluttered. "I need to tell him everything. tonight"  
  
To be continued. 


	5. A secret revealed

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends.  
  
I hope everyone who's reading this is enjoying it :o) If you are please leave me a review. Thanks :o) The first couple of chapters are going to focus more on Phoebe/Joey and Rachel/Ross, but the good Chan/Mon stuff will come later I promise.  
~*~  
  
Ross opened his eyes and closed them again immediately. He could feel an unusual weight around his waist, but felt too tired to query it. Or at least he was until he felt the weight move. He jumped up and turned to his left. "Rachel!" he screamed. Rachel who was lying next to him jumped also, startled by someone shout her name. Her eyes blinked furiously, adjusting to the light. "What!" she screamed back at Ross, fuming that he had woken her so alarmingly. "What are you doing down here next to me. I, I, thought you were in bed, you terrified me" "I terrified you!" she roared, evidently angry at his outburst.  
  
Both sat quietly before Ross apologised. "Sorry Rach, didn't mean to scare you, I just got a bit of a shock when I felt your arm around me." Rachel, who was a lot calmer than before reached up and gave him a hug. "I'm sorry too." "I didn't intend to sleep here with you all night, I just felt a bit cold and thought if I lay with you for a minute or two I would warm up. I must have fallen asleep" she lied, trying to hide her shame. She hadn't been able to get Ross' warm embrace out of her head, so she waited until he was asleep and curled up beside him on the floor.  
  
Ross didn't know how to respond. He just smiled and nodded, showing Rachel he didn't mind what she had done. He was slightly scared to say anything in case it came out the wrong way and he ended up professing his feelings for her.  
  
"I've already ruined one vacation in London because of my big mouth"  
  
~*~  
  
Back in Chandler's room Monica was already up, washed and dressed. She had gone back to her own room for fresh clothes and had returned to wait on her friend. Her impatience was showing as she tapped her fingernails on the round table she was sitting at. "Chandler, get a damn move on, come on, and get your finger out. We are supposed to meet the others downstairs in like 2 minutes. Don't dare make me late"  
  
Chandler appeared from the bathroom.  
  
"Take a chill pill woman! You'll give yourself a stroke by the time your 35 the way you go on." Monica glared at him; he knew he had said too much.  
  
"Ok, im ready" he picked up his jacket and reached into the pocket for his keys. By the time he looked up Monica was already in the hall, with the door open waiting on him. "She so damn eager" he moaned into himself.  
  
He closed the door behind him and walked over to Monica and the waiting elevator.  
  
~*~  
  
They were the first ones down to the reception. Monica smiled. "See I knew id get us here first" her tone was smug. Chandler grinned sarcastically.  
  
"Ahh, here's Ross and Rach" Monica ran towards them, leaving Chandler behind. She hugged Rachel tightly.  
  
"Morning Hun" Rachel said as she returned her friends embrace.  
  
"Did you guys not go in and get Phoebe?" Monica asked.  
  
"No, we thought she would be with you" Rachel shook her head. "I'll go," said Ross. But just as he turned to head back to the elevator its doors opened and Phoebe and Joey appeared.  
  
Everyone turned and looked at each other, obviously all thinking the same thing. Joey wasn't staying at the same hotel as the rest of them. The plays producers had booked him into a 5 star place in Kensington, that no one else could afford. Well, not for a 2-week stay they couldn't. "Morning people" Joey beamed the biggest smirk they had ever seen.  
  
"Good night last night?" Chandler winked  
  
Phoebe butted in before Joey could answer and give their secret away. "No, not really if you must know."  
  
"PHOEBE" blasted Monica. "What the hell happened to you face?" Everyone turned to stare at the huge black bruise on her jaw line. Phoebe started to shift uncomfortably, touching her hair and mumbling. "Were you fighting again"? Monica scolded  
  
While phoebe played with her hair, trying to think of something to say she heard Rachel squeal. "Phoebe! Your arms!" Phoebe looked down to see her sleeves had ridden up and her bruises were on show. She immediately burst into tears and ran for the bathroom before anyone else could comment. Joey was torn between running after her and staying with his friends to explain. As he walked in the direction Phoebe had ran Monica grabbed him.  
  
"Not so quick!" "What happened last night Joey" Rachel added.  
  
Joey looked down at his feet. he hated being in situations were everyone was waiting on an answer he didn't want to give.  
  
"JOEY" screamed Ross "You have to tell us"  
  
"Ok, but lets sit down, it's a long one"  
  
The five moved towards the couches in the receptions lounge.  
  
Monica, Chandler, Rachel and Ross sat while Joey stood In front of them.  
  
"It started at the party."  
  
15 minutes later Joey finished telling them what had happened.  
  
Monica's mouth was agape, while Rachel fought back the tears welling in her eyes, her hands cupping her mouth and nose. Ross kept repeating something incoherently and Chandler sat silently shaking his head in shock.  
  
Rachel stood up and ran to the bathroom where her friend had been for 20 minutes, probably breaking her heart. She had to try and comfort her. No one else moved. It was clear it hadn't sunk into them yet. "Phoebe attacked!" Ross repeated clearly this time.  
  
Ross had always had a soft spot for her. In his eyes she was vulnerable even although she was so strong-willed. In someway he felt like he had to protect her, the same way he did with the other girls. He knew they weren't as close as the rest, but she had always been good to him when he needed someone. Like the time she was prepared to sleep with him to help him get over Carol becoming a Lesbian. He always wondered what would have happened had the others not come into the bar.  
  
~*~  
  
Rachel chapped on the bathroom door and let herself in. She could hear Phoebe sobbing before she saw her. As she closed the door and turned she spotted Phoebe. Her back was against the white tiled wall, her head resting on her knees. Rachel kneeled down beside her friend and wrapped her arms around her, pulling her towards her. "Oh, sweetheart, you're going to be ok. We are all here for you. You know that right?" She could feel Phoebe nodding into her chest. She looked up into Rachel's eyes. "Have I ruined everyone's day?" "No, of course you haven't! We are all going to have a great day, including you. Once we know you are ok!" "I'm ok," "Its just." Phoebe stopped herself. "Just what Pheebs" "Why do I always have to say too much" she scolded herself  
  
"Pheebs, sweetie, is there something you want to tell me?" Phoebe remained quiet for a minute. Should she tell Rachel? She was one of her best friends after all. She could trust her with anything, but she had always sworn to herself she would never talk about the bad things in her past. No one should know, its too terrible, no one will want to know me if I tell. Joey especially.  
  
"Pheebs?" Rachel probed her, trying to get her friend to open up. "We can't help you if you don't tell us"  
  
"You promise you wont tell anyone if I tell you?" "I swear" Rachel answered and touched Phoebe's heart.  
  
"It all started when I was 12 and my mom married my step dad."  
  
~*~  
  
Outside in the lobby Joey paced the floor around the couches his friends were sat on. "Joey will you please sit down, or at least stand still, your driving me crazy" Monica snapped at him. "I'm sorry Mon, im just anxious to see how Pheebs is." "Oh, no, im sorry sweetie for snapping at you. Im just as upset." Joey leaned down and kissed Monica on the forehead and resumed his rhythmic pacing. He stopped suddenly as his cell phone started to ring.  
  
"Hello, Joey Tribbiani" he answered.  
  
He listened intently to what the person on the other end of the line had to say, just adding a few "yeahs" and "ok's" He switched his phone off and put it back in his pocket. Chandler, Monica and Ross were staring at him, all wondering who would be phoning him. Joey answered what they were all thinking. "It was the director of the play". "They have cancelled it!" "Apparently it didn't go down as well as first expected" His voice was monotone. "Oh man im sorry" Chandler stood up and patted his friend on the back. "Hey you know its ok. I'm kind of glad in a way. I didn't want to leave Phoebe every night anyway, not now. And it means I get to enjoy London, I can treat it as a vacation like you guys." He smiled convincingly, and sat back down with Chandler.  
  
~*~  
  
Rachel had been listening to Phoebe for what seemed like hours. She couldn't begin to take in what she was being told, never mind begin to comprehend how her friend felt. She felt so stupid about getting so worked up over a stupid boat trip yesterday as Phoebe recounted tales of being molested, by her stepfather of all people.  
  
"I had been on the streets for 2 months when I took ill. At first I thought I had some disease like dysentery, cause you know, living on the streets isn't the cleanliest way of life. But one night I woke up with blood pouring from me. I got so scared, I was sure I was about to die. I was so young and naïve, how was I supposed to know I was pregnant. She stopped as she heard Rachel gasp. "Pheebs! You were pregnant?" tears rolled down her face. Phoebe nodded, not able to look her friend in the eye. She felt disgusted with herself. "I miscarried that night. One of the other homeless ladies said it was probably because of lack of nutrition. "You didn't go to the hospital" Rachel asked, shocked. Phoebe shook her head, still unable to look up. "I didn't have medical insurance or any money. They would have turned me away!" Rachel sat for a few seconds, trying in vain to digest everything she had just been told. She didn't know what to say. She looked down to see Phoebe howling uncontrollably. "Please don't judge me or hate me," Phoebe begged between her tears.  
  
"Sweetheart I don't hate you or judge you, I love you and think you are a wonderful and amazing person. You say you're not strong, but you are. Look how far you have come since then. I couldn't have done it, none of the rest of us could." Phoebe looked up at Rachel and hugged her securely. "Lets go have some fun" Rachel squeezed Phoebe reassuringly. Phoebe smiled and stood up. "Thank you for being my friend" "Friends forever" Rachel kissed her bruised cheek and took her hand to exit the bathroom.  
  
~*~  
  
I'll have chapter 6 up tomorrow hopefully :o)  
  
Please review. 


	6. Gone for good

Chapter 6  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends. I also don't own the song Angel, by Amanda Perez.  
  
Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far. ill keep writing just for you :o)  
  
Everyone was sitting quietly on the couches with their heads hung, looking at the red-carpeted floor. The noise of the bathroom door open made them all look up. Joey jumped to his feet and walked towards Phoebe and Rachel, who were still holding hands. Phoebe let go of Rachel and put her hands up to stop him from hugging her. He stepped back, feeling slightly rejected by her action  
  
"Listen guys im ok, please don't make a big deal out of this. I just want to forget it now and I want you all to have a good day, without this hanging over my head." Everyone nodded without saying a word. If that's what their friend wanted then that's what they would do. Chandler broke the silence. "I think we should let Pheebs choose where we go first" he smiled. "Actually guys im feeling a bit tired, would you mind if I passed on going out today? I think I'd really rather just go lay down." Phoebe had a lot of things to think about, and a lot of decisions to make. She certainly didn't want to be putting on fake smiles all day. "Sure" "That's fine Pheebs" "Ok?" Her friends nodded, concern in all their eyes. They would have preferred her to be with them, so they could keep a watchful eye on her. But if this is what she wanted they weren't going to stand in her way. "I'll stay with you Phoebe" Joey moved closer to her. She put her hands out again to stop him. "No, please Joey, I want to be on my own." With that she turned and headed back to the elevator. No apologies or explanations.  
  
Joey wanted to cry but he knew he couldn't. For one it wasn't the manly thing to do, and secondly he didn't want his friends figuring out his feelings for Phoebe, or more importantly what had gone on between them last night. He couldn't help but think about how things had changed with her since she had woken up this morning. Lat night she had been all smiles, begging him to hold her, touch her, and make love to her. Now she was as cold as ice. Had she used him?  
  
He sat back down on the chair a look of despair on his face. Rachel sat immediately beside him. "Honey, don't be upset. She doesn't mean to reject you; it's just her way of dealing with things. Im sure she will be much better when she's had time to run things through her head." Joey bobbed his head up and down, wanting to believe what Rachel had just said. But even Rachel didn't believe it. The truth was she was absolutely petrified for her friends' welfare. After hearing everything Phoebe had to say only minutes before she was terrified she was going to do something stupid. She also knew Phoebe had held back a lot of the story she had told, leaving out the worst parts. The parts she had spoke of were horrific enough, God only knows what she's keeping into herself Rachel thought, her stomach turning.  
  
"Come on guys, let's go. We're not doing Phoebe any good sitting her moping" Ross tried to sound as compassionate as he could. Everyone walked towards the glass doors of the hotels entrance, departing silently.  
  
~*~  
Phoebe managed to get to her room and close the door before her crying started. This wasn't how she had planned to spend her trip. It also wasn't how she planned to live her life. All those memories had never really left her, but she had almost dealt with them. Now she was back at square one and she was unsure she could cope all over again.  
  
The last time I ran away, and that's what I have to do again she told herself. I can't put my best friends through the pain of watching me cope. I just can't do it. She raced over to her wardrobe and began to pack as quickly as she could. She didn't know if her friends had left, or when the planned to be back if they had. "I have to be long gone before they notice."  
  
Once she was packed and ready to go she sat at the table and began to write the notes she had been going over in her mind. She wouldn't just leave without an explanation; she owed her friends that at least.  
  
30 minutes later Phoebe stood on the pavement outside the hotel, watching the cabbie load her cases into the taxi. This was it, she was really moving on. "No turning back now," she told herself sadly as she closed the door over and watched the hotel disappear into the distance, tears cascading down her pale cheeks.  
  
~*~  
  
"Listen guys, I don't know about you, but im just not having fun here. I can't get Phoebe out of my mind. Im really worried about her on her own. We should never have left." Rachel stared at her friends nodding around her. Joey had been feeling the same way, but hadn't wanted to spoil things for everyone by leaving. "Lets get back to the hotel," agreed Monica "We can finish the tour of the Tower of London tomorrow, hopefully with Phoebe here too." Chandler tried to throw in an optimistic statement but it fell on deaf ears.  
~*~  
  
"I'll get the keys for the rooms. Joey, why don't you and the others head into the lounge and order some drinks. Ill go up and get Phoebe and bring her down. Maybe we can try and cheer her up a bit?"  
  
"Sure Mon," Joey hadn't really been listening to her, but agreed to whatever she said anyway. He followed the others to the bar, while Monica headed to reception.  
  
Monica was just about the rhythm off the room numbers when the man behind the desk interrupted her. "Are you with the Gellar party Ma'am?" Monica looked startled but tried to remain calm. "Yes, I'm Monica Gellar. Why what's happened?" Phoebe didn't even cross her mind. She thought something terrible had happened back home.  
  
"There was mail left here for you and your friends," He said, turning to the wall behind him and grabbing 5 identical envelopes. "Who from, do you know?" Monica queried, wondering who could have left letters for everyone.  
  
"The lady in room 215, Ma'am." Monica thought for a moment. "Lady in 215? Oh my God" she said out loud. "Phoebe!"  
  
She grabbed the letters from him and ran to the lounge.  
  
"I think something's happened to Phoebe!" she screamed. Everyone turned to stare at her. "What" was the only word she could hear come from everybody's mouth.  
  
"She left us notes" Monica started handing them out, reading, which one was for who.  
  
Everyone tore open the white envelopes as quick as they could, reading furiously, Trying to fathom what had happened. Everyone dropped their notes to the table in front of them, still trying to digest what they had just read. Joey was still reading, tears pouring from him like a mini waterfall.  
  
Dearest Joey,  
  
If you are reading this letter then it means I have decided to leave. This wasn't at all what I wanted, but I know it's for the best. My pain is contagious and I know you are all going to catch it. That's why I have to go now. I can't cause you any more hurt than I already have. When you told me last night that you loved me I didn't know what to think. I desperately wanted to believe you. I needed to believe you. No one has every told me they loved me, not even my Mom. I now know that you meant what you said. But I also know that if I had to tell you about my past you would change your mind. Me not being around means you will never know and I will never have to lie to you. Before I finish this letter I have to tell you one thing though, that up until now I haven't been able to say. I love you Joseph Tribbiani.  
  
You will always and forever be in my heart, until the day I die. Please never forget me.  
  
Your best friend for eternity.  
  
Phoebe X  
  
Joey fought back from screaming as he finished the letter. He was aware of everyone's eyes on him, but couldn't bring himself to speak. In the background he could hear a song playing, and its words broke his heart. Phoebe was gone and she was never coming back.  
  
Angel:  
  
It's been 5 months since you went away, Left without a word, Nothing to say, When I was the one, Who gave you my heart and soul, But it wasn't good enough for you, no So I ask God, God send me an angel, From the heavens above Send me an angel to heal my broken heart, From being in love. Cause all I do is cry God send me an angel, To wipe the tears from my eyes. 


	7. Leaving London

Chapter 7  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends.  
  
~*~  
  
Joey listened to the song finish and stood up. His thoughts were on one thing only as he exclaimed, "We have to find her!"  
  
"Joey, she's gone. There's no way we are going to find her, she could be anywhere by now. I'm sorry man." Ross' heart broke for his friend who was obviously distraught.  
  
Joey looked up at Ross with hatred in his eyes. How dare he say he was never going to find her? He HAD to find her, bring her back and never let her out of his sight again.  
  
"Joeys right Ross. We have got to at least look for her. We can't let her wander the streets all-alone again. I hate to admit it, but she's a liability to herself. You didn't hear what she said to me! She told me about the times she wished she were dead to stop the hurting!" Rachel was clearly angry at Ross' nonchalant attitude to the situation. Joey, hearing Rachel's statement ran from the lounge into the reception area, everyone chasing after him.  
  
"Where could she have gone" Joey sobbed "What is she hurts herself Rachel?  
  
"Joey we will get her, I promise we will." Chandler tried to comfort his friend, but to be honest he wasn't sure at all. London was a big place, Britain even bigger. The chances of finding her now were minimal.  
  
"Excuse me," came an unfamiliar voice. The group turned to look at the receptionist standing behind the desk. "I wasn't listening into your conversation, but I couldn't help over hearing what you said. Your friend checked out just over an hour ago. She asked me if I knew were she could get a bus. I told her I did and she asked me to write it down for her."  
  
He stopped what he was saying and started to write quickly on a piece of paper. "Here," he handed Monica the note which had an address scribbled on it. "It's called Victoria Coach Station and its on Buckingham Palace Road. Good luck finding her. He smiled and walked into the back room  
  
"Come on lets go!" Joey screamed. "We don't have much time. We could catch her if she only left an hour ago!" Joey sprinted out into the street leaving his friends to run after him yet again.  
  
~*~  
  
Victoria Coach Station was packed. The crowds bustling about, most dragging cases behind them. The air was cool and the atmosphere even colder. Joey ran around frantically; tugging on the arms of every tall blonde woman he spotted. "Joey," there was no answer. "JOEY!" Chandler screamed. "This isn't the way to find Phoebe," he said, softly this time. Joey regained his sense and took a few deep breaths. "I know, im sorry, it's just, you know, this is my way of dealing with it." Chandler noticed his friend was on the verge of crying again. They were all upset, but he noticed Joey had taken it so badly. He felt terrible for shouting at him now.  
  
"Listen, we all need to split up," Monica stated, taking charge. "Rachel you come with me to the ticket booking office, Chandler and Ross, you check the bus terminals and Joey, you check all the waiting areas. We can all meet up back here under the time tables as soon as we have searched." Everyone agreed and parted in different directions.  
  
~*~  
  
As Monica and Rachel approached the booking office they could see the queue was huge. As they joined the line Rachel began to fret. Monica noticing her friend's anxiety put her hand on her shoulder. "Rach, what's wrong? This isn't just about Phoebe running away is it?" "Phoebe promised me not to say, but I don't think I can keep it to myself now" Rachel exclaimed, forcing herself not to break down. She knew if she started to cry now she would never stop.  
  
"Rachel you have to tell me!" Monica sounded concerned, but also demanding.  
  
"Only if you promise not to tell the guys?" Monica gave her a look that told Rachel she could trust her.  
  
"When I went into the bathroom she was rocking herself back and forward like a little girl, I had never seen her so upset before. She looked so helpless and sad. She spoke a little about being attacked, but," Rachel stopped herself and breathed in heavily  
  
Monica rubbed her shoulder telling her to take her time.  
  
"She told me the attack had brought back too many bad memories for her to deal with. Her step-father had abused her sexually when she was just 13 Monica!" Monica gasped "What?" She wasn't sure she had heard right. Rachel started to speak again but Monica cut her off. "There's more?" Rachel nodded forlornly. "That's what made her run away so young. She didn't even know her Mom had killed herself until she was 19 and met up with Ursula again." "But," Monica was confused and Rachel picked up why. "I know she told us she had found her Mom dead in the Kitchen, but she was already living on the streets by then. Once Phoebe left her lecherous stepfather turned his advances to Ursula. She wasn't so afraid and told Lily all about it. She couldn't live with the guilt of it all and that's why she committed suicide. Not long after he was put in Jail for it, but it's all the sole reason Phoebe and her twin don't get on. Ursula still blames her for everything that happened. She thinks if Phoebe hadn't left then her step dad would never have touched her." "Oh my God, what a selfish bitch!" Monica vented. Rachel nodded again. "It doesn't end there though."  
  
Monica looked shocked. "More?" "She miscarried his baby while she was homeless." She felt the tears trickle down her face, dropping off her jaw line onto her white top. Monica's jaw was practically hitting the floor. Now she knew why Rachel was so agitated. Their friend was dying inside and there was nothing she could do for her. Not yet at least. She shook herself out of her thoughts and began to barge to the front of the line. "Get out the God damn way!" she screamed as she pushed people aside until she got to the glass window. "Excuse me miss, but you cant just push to the front like that!" the clerk behind the window looked angrily at her over his glasses. "Listen, this is an emergency," she said as she searched in her bag for her wallet." "Our friend has gone missing and its believed she came here. If she left from here she most certainly had to buy a ticket, and as this is the only ticket office, this is our only hope. So are you going to help me or not!" her tone was fierce. "I'm sorry, but I can't help you."  
  
Monica opened her wallet and flashed him a picture of the 6 in central perk. "Miss, I see a lot of people everyday, after the first day of working here every face looks the same. Now if you could just stand aside." Monica was about to tell him how lucky he was there was a glass partition separating them when a man appeared behind the clerk. "I spoke to that woman today" he said Monica's faced brightened. "You did?"  
  
"Yeah, I remember her because I thought she was a bit weird!"  
  
Monica smiled. That was her friend all right. "She asked for a one way ticket on the next bus out of here."  
  
"Where was the bus going?" Rachel butted in. "It was going up to Scotland, Glasgow im sure." "We need tickets on the next Glasgow bus" Monica responded. "If you want tickets you need to rejoin the queue and wait like everyone else," the clerk said coldly. "Oh for God sake Charlie have a heart for once and give them the tickets" The clerk sighed. "How many?"  
  
~*~  
  
Monica and Rachel ran back to the meeting place, where the guys were already waiting. "I think we got her," Monica said excitedly. "How, where?" were the responses from the guys. "Listen we don't have time to explain, the bus leaves in 40 minutes and we need someone to go back to the hotel, get or stuff and check out. Any volunteers?" "We'll go" Ross pointed at Joey and Chandler. "Make sure you are back here on time" Monica shouted after the guys as they raced out of the station.  
  
The girls took and seat by terminal 24. As they sat both sighed. This was going to be a long night. Rachel looked at Monica and took her hand.  
  
"Lets keep our fingers crossed," she said and felt Monica's middle and index fingers entwine. Monica agreed. "We need all the luck we can get" 


	8. heading to Glasgow

Chapter 8  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Friends, or the song Remember me this way By Jordan Hill.  
  
~*~  
  
Monica paced back and forth on the concrete floor. Their bus had driven into the station 15 minutes ago and there was still no sign of the guys. They had only 5 minutes before departure and the chances of them being back on time were extremely slim. "Mon honey sit down, your wearing down the concrete" Rachel tried to laugh but she knew how serious the situation was. Monica turned to her friend. "If they aren't here on time we're going without them. They can get their own tickets for a later bus." "But Monica they have all our stuff. If we leave alone they are never going to find where we are. We can't have us all separated! Ross has all the plane tickets after all." "Damn, your right. Where the hell are they!" She reached into her purse and grabbed her cell phone, pressing the buttons furiously, trying to locate Joey's number. She held the phone to her ear and listened while it rang. After a few rings Joey answered. "Where are you? Are you near the station yet? Monica blasted causing Rachel to flinch. "The cabbie says we're only round the corner, but we're stuck in traffic. I promise we will be there as soon as we can. Try your best to stall the driver. See you soon." And at that he hung up. "Are they near? Rachel questioned. "Apparently, but we are going to have to get the driver to wait." With that a whistle sounded and everyone sitting at the terminal began to stand and walk towards the bus. Rachel and Monica joined the back of the line, hoping it would take a while for everyone to load their bags into the coach.  
  
As time passed the line got less and less, leaving Rachel and Monica standing alone. The driver removed his head from the baggage hold and looked at the girls. "No bags?" he questioned "Um, well the thing is we are waiting on out friends to get here, they shouldn't be long I promise." The driver looked at them in silence for a moment. "I understand girls, but I have a schedule to stick to. They have two minutes to get here then I have to leave. Sorry" He turned and walked onto the bus, taking a seat at the wheel. Both Monica and Rachel looked panic stricken. Just as they were about to lose hope they heard a mans voice call out behind them. "Have we missed it?" Ross ran towards them out of breath. "No, were ok we have time." Monica ran towards her brother, relieving him of the bags as he tried to catch his breath. "Where are Joey and Chandler?" Ross panted for a few seconds, his lungs trying to recover. Before he had a chance to answer Monica spotted the two run in her direction. "Oh thank God!" she sighed. They were there on time. All they had to do now was get to Glasgow and find Phoebe. It sounded a lot easier than it was going to be. No one knew what lay ahead, but they did know it was most definitely going to be one of the hardest things they would ever have to deal with.  
  
~*~  
  
The bus reversed out of the terminal as the gang took their seats. Ross held onto the railing above him, allowing Chandler to slide into the window seat. Once Chandler was seated Ross sat down next to him. He turned to look at the seats behind him to Monica and Rachel. "You both ok?" Rachel shrugged. She was happy everything was now running smoothly, but she couldn't get the image of phoebe from her head. She would be all- alone, thinking no one cared about her. When in actual fact everyone was distraught. Ross seeing his friend upset stuck his hand through the gap in the seats and grabbed her hand, squeezing it as tightly as he could. "Mon, could I swap seats with you for a moment? Ross looked at his sister, pleading in his eyes. "Sure Hon," both stood up, banging into one another as the tried to keep their balance. The bus jerked forward and Monica went with it, desperately trying to grab onto anything she could find. Ross reached out for her, but it was too late. She was already on top of Chandler. "Women usually ask me before doing that" he joked, trying hard to make light of the situation. He could see she was still embarrassed though. He watched her as she tried to regain a sitting position, on her side of the seat. Her make up was half off; her hair was a mess, her clothes dishevelled and her eyes tired. But he couldn't help but noticed how her natural beauty shone through it all. She turned to him and noticed his staring. "What?" she asked coldly. "Trying to think of sarcastic comments?" She didn't even wait for his answer before turning away from him and shutting her eyes. Chandler didn't take his eyes off her, he wanted to but he was drawn to her in a way he couldn't understand. That was the hundredth time since arriving in Britain that Monica had snapped at him in such a way. He knew that she was upset at his joking just now. He knew he should be crying like the rest over Phoebe, but this was his coping mechanism. Didn't she know him well enough by now to realise this? "No, cant get upset!" he fought with himself, but it was too late. A small tear fell down his face. "Monica?" he called her name quietly in case she had fallen asleep. "Monica?" he called out louder this time and placed his hand on her back? She spun round quickly. "What is it Chandler? Thought of a good one? Well you can just keep it too yourself as im in no mood for your humour!" The look on his face spoke a thousand words. He was taken aback by Monica's temper towards him, when all he wanted was a hug. "Sorry, I didn't mean any offence, I just wanted to. You know what, it doesn't matter." He turned away from her and stared out of the glass window, watching the traffic fly by.  
  
"Chandler im sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you!" Her tone had now changed and her eyes were full of sorrow. Chandler turned back round to look at her, his eyes watering gently. Monica seeing him gasped. "Oh my God Chandler, I didn't mean to make you cry" her guilt was mounting, but he shook his head. "Its not you Mon, its this whole Phoebe fiasco" she nodded, knowing exactly how he was feeling. "I've been acting like a heartless jerk all day" he commented, trying to rectify the situation. "No you haven't, we all know it's your way of coping sweetie." Monica reached out her hand and rubbed his arm softly then gave it a little squeeze. Chandler couldn't help but smile, Monica understood him after all.  
~*~  
  
Ross sat next to Rachel in silence. Neither knew what to talk about. Ross didn't want to mention Phoebe in case it upset Rachel, and Rachel didn't want to mention in because it was too painful to talk about. Just having Ross next to her was comfort enough. She knew they had had their ups and downs, highs and lows, but at the end of the day he was the one how always stood by her no matter what. Her love for him was just as strong as it had always been, but to drag up the past would cause too many problems, so he would have to remain Ross the friend, not Ross the boyfriend. She took a deep breath. "You ok sweetie?" Ross asked with concern in his voice. "Yeah, I was just thinking of the past and how good things used to be." There was along pause. "Ross, did Phoebe ever mention anything to you about being depressed? "Never, she was always so happy and quirky around me. Today was the first time I've ever seen her down." The memory saddened him. "I'm still so surprised she's taken the attack so badly. I half expected her to come up with a positive side to it all. "You would think," Rachel replied glumly. "So what made her do this? Didn't she give you any indication she was going to pull a stunt like this when you spoke to her?  
  
Rachel turned to him, her eyes ablaze with anger. "First off all Ross she did not "Pull a stunt" and secondly, no she didn't say anything to me about running away. You really think I would have left her alone if she had? Rachel was getting more and more irate by the minute. Ross had clearly taken offence to Rachel's outburst. "Well Rach, you can be pretty selfish at times. I wouldn't be surprised if you were the one who told her to "Go and clear her head"!" "What did you just say to me!" "You heard! You did the same thing with me. Pushed me away. One minute you wanted me, the next I was history!" "Oh my God Ross, how is that even related to Phoebe! I can't believe you are turning the argument around to yourself. Contrary to popular belief the world doesn't revolve around planet Ross. This is about Phoebe and getting her safely, not you and me. For Christ sake get over it already. You cheated, end of Goddamn story!" Rachel was screaming so loud the whole bus could hear the conversation. Before Ross could answer Rachel restarted her tirade. "And don't you dare say we were on a break, the way I'm feeling right now im libel to punch you!" Ross stood up and walked towards Joey, who was 2 seats in front. "Did you just hear that?" "Sure" Joey's answer lacked enthusiasm "You in the mood for talking?" "Sure" "Joey?" There was no answer. "Joey, talk to me!" "Ross, I don't want to seem rude, but I really don't want to be talking right now" "Pretty bad huh?" Ross patted his friend on the shoulder. "Pretty bad? Ross I'm fucking devastated! When are you going to wake up and take this situation seriously? Phoebe could be anywhere, doing anything to herself and you're up back fighting with Rachel because she won't take you back! You know what, I think she's completely right! I wouldn't have you back, not when your acting like a heartless jackass!" Ross was Gob smacked. He had never seen Joey or Rachel act they way they had towards him. "Am I really heartless" he wondered. "No!" he shook his head. "Joey man im sorry, but im not being heartless. I'm just trying to stay strong for everyone! I'm worried too, but im not going to spend the next 5 hours on this bus fretting. Its not going to Phoebe any good is it!" Joey understood what Ross was saying, but he wasn't going to apologise. He didn't have the energy. "Go and tell Rachel your sorry, you and her fighting isn't going to Pheebs any good either!" "But," "Ross no buts, for once do the right thing where Rachel is concerned" With that he shut his eyes. He was asleep within seconds. Ross remained seated for a second thinking over what Joey had said "Joeys right. I have to make it up to her, I love her too much to have her hate me" He got up from his seat and made his way back to Rachel. As he got to her he could see her curled into a little ball along the two seats, sobbing quietly. "Rachel? God im sorry, I was an asshole, please don't cry, I feel bad enough!" he knelt down in the aisle and stroked her hair softly. "I just called Phoebe's house phone. I wanted to hear her voice on her answering machine. Her voice was so upbeat and happy Ross! She said she was sorry she wasn't there to talk, because she was away to London with her five best friends to party. She sounded so excited. Why Ross, why?" "Shh," Ross kept repeating that and stroking her hair until she feels asleep. Once he knew she wasn't going to wake up he stood and reached over Rachel to grab her personal CD player. It was going to be a long night; he needed something to take his mind off it all and music was just the thing to do it.  
  
He took an empty seat across the aisle from Rachel and put the earphones in place. He switched on the cd and got himself comfortable. The song playing did anything but take his mind off Phoebe. It just made him realise something she should have realised a long time ago. He loved Phoebe and he was Just shutting everything out. He felt his heart break in two as he continued to listen to the song.  
  
Every now and then, we find a special friend,  
  
Who never lets us down.  
  
Who understands it all,  
  
Reaches out each time we fall,  
  
You're the best friend that I've found.  
  
I know that you can't stay,  
  
But part of you will never ever go away,  
  
Your heart will stay.  
  
I'll make a wish for you,  
  
And hope it will come true,  
  
That life will just be kind,  
  
To such a gentle mind,  
  
If you lose your way,  
  
Think back on yesterday,  
  
Remember me this way.  
  
He looked over at a sleeping Rachel and then at Chandler and Monica who were also asleep, then down to Joey. His friends meant the world to him, more than he would ever be able to express. "I have to tell Rachel how I feel, life's too short. I would die if I lost her like I've lost Phoebe" He thought. "Tomorrow, no matter what!"  
  
~*~  
  
Had a serious case of writers block today. I've been battling through this bit to get to the next chapters, which are better, I promise :o) Keep reviewing, I love hearing from you. xxxx 


	9. A familiar face

Chapter 9  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends.  
The sun was beginning to rise as the bus alighted at Glasgow. It came to a crashing halt at the station and people began to get up and collect their belongings. A few people were still asleep, so the driver began to walk the aisles and wake them gently. "Come on folks, that's us at the end of the line" He reached over and placed his hand on the back of a young woman who was deep in sleep. "That's us in Scotland" he softly shook her. She jumped up looking terrified. "Get your hands off me" she screamed, before realising where she was. "Oh im sorry, I just" "No need to explain, I get it all the time" the driver smiled. "Need any help with your bags? "No thank you, I think I got them" She stood up, using all her might to pick up the heavy suitcase that was by her side. "Ok, well if you need any help just shout. My name's Joe." She dropped the suitcase, and then quickly bent down to pick it up again. "Hey you look as if you just saw a ghost, everything ok?" the driver looked half bemused and half concerned. "Em, yes im fine, just tried." "What's your name?" the driver asked. "I'm Phoebe." She tried to get passed him as quickly as she could, his hand was extended for her to shake it, but she ignored it. He seemed to be hitting on her and it was the last thing she wanted. "Well Phoebe it's been nice to have met you" "You too J. Joe" she stammered his name, not wanting to say it, but knowing she had too. She practically ran to the front of the bus and down the stairs. She sat her bags down next to a plastic partition and looked around her, taking in her surroundings.  
  
He station was busy although it was still only 5:30am. Phoebe had no idea what she was going to do now, but finding a hotel was top priority, she didn't want to be walking about the streets of strange city on her own. She saw a large group of tourists exit a bus to her left and began to follow them towards the stations entrance. The group departed and once again she was left standing on her own. It had been so long since she was last left to her own devices, with no one to ask for help or someone to give opinions. She was going to have to be self sufficient for the first time in 11 years. The sadness grew in the pit of her stomach, making her feel sick and extremely nervous. Could she cope on her own again? There was only one way to find out.  
  
She hauled her rucksack onto her back, lifted her purse and grabbed hold of her suitcase. It was an amazing sight to see her tiny frame carry the weight of her belongings. She didn't realise she had packed so much; it was usually Rachel who took her whole wardrobe with her. The weight of the bags dragged Phoebe down, leaving her wishing she had one of the guys here to help her. Joey had carried her bags to and from the airport, so she didn't have to strain herself. If only he was here now.  
  
She carried on walking, getting slower and slower as the weight took its toll on her. She stopped for a moment and looked up at the building in front of her. It was the tourist information office. She sighed with relief and dropped her bags. "Ill just wait here until it opens" she said to herself, while taking a seat on the buildings steps.  
  
She observed the people passing her on the street, most dressed in business suits, obviously heading to work. No one noticed her, no one cared she was there. It was as though she was invisible to everyone. She dreamed someone would stop and talk to her so she could get the burden of her past off her chest. She would be able to tell a stranger everything, because if they judged her she wouldn't care. The only people she cared about hating her were her 5 best friends, whom she had left in London. She felt so much guilt as she thought about the situation. She wished she had been able to say a proper goodbye, hugged them, kissed them, remembered their smell, the way they looked. But she still had her memories. Chandlers huge smile that beamed every time she walked into the room, her arguments with Ross over the evolution of the planet. Rachel's excitement over finding a bargain at Saks, Monica's constant cleaning and cooking, and finally Joey. Her happy memories faded. She didn't want to think of the good times with Joey as it was killing her to be away from him. The thought of never seeing any of them again, especially Joey terrified her to her very soul. She closed her eyes and thought back to two nights before when Joey had declared his love for her.  
  
~*~  
  
"Its things like that that make me love you" he blurted out quickly before he realised what he had just said. Phoebe looked visibly shocked. "You love me?" There was so going back now, he had to tell her everything.  
  
"Phoebe, I've loved you from the minute I set eyes on you in Central Perk. I told Chandler you had a fabulous ass, and a great rack. But in reality all I could see was you beautiful face and your golden hair, which floated around you, like a halo. Since that day I haven't been able to tear my eyes away from you. You're the first person I look for when I come into a room, and the only woman I want to make love to." He looked down embarrassed by what he had just said. He didn't look up as he resumed talking.  
  
"Every time you came into Monica's with stories of your new boyfriends I felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest, feeling sick while you spoke about the sex. I longed for it to be me. Me who you wanted, me who took care of you, me who got to hold you in bed at night and me who got to wake up with you. I've lost count of the times I've waited for everyone to leave the apartment so I could scream with frustration, in so much pain that you had left me once again to go home. I always felt invisible around you, like you saw me as Joey, your dumb friend, who you ran to when you broke up with one of the crazy guys you dated." His voice was full of emotion, trying hard not to break down.  
  
"Phoebe you are the most special woman in the world to me, I thank God daily that he brought you into my life, even if it had been for one second, I would have know it was worth it"  
  
Phoebe listened intently to what Joey had to say for an hour. She didn't once interrupt him; he was too deep in his thoughts. She couldn't wait for him to finish.she wanted him; she needed him. Too often she had lay awake, fantasizing about him. Sometimes it was just sexual, but more often than not it was about her and Joey having a house in the city, kids running around the living room as Joey chased them.  
  
Joey was in mid sentence when Phoebe got up from her chair and walked away from Joey's sight. His stomach dropped. The only person he had ever loved had just rejected him in the cruellest way possible. He hung his head in shame at being as stupid to think she would want him. He sat, inches away from crying when he heard her voice. He turned around slowly to see her sitting on the bed, staring straight at him. "Phoebe, I'm." "Shh" she said as she motioned him over to her He got up and walked towards the bed not knowing what to think. He stopped in front her. He looked down to see her reach for the top of the towel. She gently unhooked it and let it slip around her, never taking her eyes from Joey. She wanted to savour his reaction, never to forget it.  
  
Phoebe never opened her eyes, she wanted to replay that last moment with Joey in hear head forever. He sobbing was uncontrollable; she prayed the world would end there and then, her pain ending with it. Suddenly she heard a voice, which jolted her from her thoughts. "Miss, are you ok? Phoebe glanced up and saw a familiar face. "Phoebe!" the woman was visibly shocked at the sight of the person she saw in front of her. "Come with me, you look like you need a strong coffee and a heat!" Phoebe followed the woman to her office just a few doors along. Phoebe was happy to see her, but at the same time she was scared. What if she contacted someone and told them where she was?" I'll stay for one coffee and then I have to go" Phoebe exclaimed. "I can't take the risk," she told herself as she took a seat in the bare office. This was going to take a lot of explaining!  
  
~*~ 


	10. Moving on

Chapter 10  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with "Friends"  
"Phoebe what the hell happened? How did you get from New York to Scotland?" Phoebe stared at Emily for what seemed like an eternity, trying desperately to think of a lie. There was no way she was telling her the truth. "We had a huge fight" Phoebe hung her head in shame, she hated lying at the best of times, but it was made worse by the fact she actually liked Emily. "How bad can a fight be?" Emily was shocked; it wasn't like them to argue. "Very, I just had to get away from it all for a while. Clear my head" Emily nodded in recognition, she fully understood about needing to run away from bad situations. "So why did you come to Scotland? Do you have family here Pheebs?" I don't even have family in America she screamed in her head. No, we were in London for one of Joeys plays. I got on the first bus out, and now im here!" "Do you have to go back to London to catch your flight back to New York?" Phoebe felt her stomach flip at the thought. "Ross has my plane ticket!" she squealed "Its ok Phoebe, calm down, I will call him and tell him to leave it at the airport for you." Emily reached for the phone and then down to her address book to look up his cell number. "NO!" Phoebe screamed so loud it made Emily drop the phone in shock. "Ok Phoebe, what the hell is really going on here!" Emily looked mad. Phoebe couldn't keep her tears under control and she blurted the truth out, leaving Emily in shocked silence. The only thing she could do was cuddle Phoebe tightly to her, which she welcomed with open arms.  
  
"Emily, what the hell am I going to do? I am so screwed up" Emily wiped the tears from her eyes. "I'm going to take to back to my apartment, I think you need a good sleep." Emily walked a zombie-like Phoebe from her office, and stopped beside her secretary "Maureen, can you cancel my morning appointments please. I will be back for my 11 o'clock."  
They arrived at Emily's apartment in little over 15 minutes. Once inside Emily showed Phoebe into the bathroom and looked out fresh clothes for her from Phoebe's suitcase. Phoebe quickly changed and sat down next to Emily on her couch. She placed her hands nervously on her lap and stared into the distance, unsure what to say. "Phoebe, do you want to go back to London?" Emily spoke gently so she didn't upset her. Emily was expecting Phoebe to scream at her again, but instead she was shocked to see her only shake her head. "I can't Emily, you have to understand that this is what I have to do. I know you probably think im some kind of bitch for doing what I've done." Emily shook her head. "This is the only way I know how to do things. And I just feel after I've cleared my head too much water will have passed under the bridge for things to be sorted. I know everyone is going to be mad at me, and time will just make it worse. Its not the healer people think. As much as that hurts to think about it, I just have to resign myself to that fact." Phoebe was shaking as she spoke, trying not to let her emotions get the better of her.  
  
"Ok Phoebe, if that's what you want then I have to respect that." Phoebe was amazed at how supportive Emily was being. She half expected her to want nothing to do with it all, especially after what had happened with her and Ross.  
  
"Phoebe what do you plan to do in Scotland? Are you going to look for work? An apartment? Are you going to go back to the states?" Emily's questioning made Phoebe sit up and think. What am I going to do? She wondered. She hadn't thought that far ahead, but she knew she would have to. She had very little money left and no plane ticket back to America. she doubted she could even afford another one. Panic set through her. "Im stuck in Scotland" she repeated it over and over again, causing Emily to try and calm her down. "Phoebe, I have a holiday house in France, I've been subletting it over the winter, but it's been free for the last 6 weeks. Would you like to go over there and stay for a bit?" Phoebe couldn't believe what she was hearing. France? A holiday home? Should she accept? "Emily, im not sure, I mean, I don't know anyone in France," Emily cut her off. "You didn't know anyone in Scotland either until an hour ago" Phoebe pondered what she had just said for a moment. It was true, she didn't know anyone here, and France wasn't going to be different. "Are you sure?" Phoebe wanted to make sure Emily had meant what she said before she got her hopes up. "Of course im sure, anyway, you would be doing me a huge favour. Its laying empty and I would feel much safer knowing someone I trusted was looking after it." Phoebe smiled and squeezed Emily's hand. "Thank you, you don't know how much help you have been to me!"  
  
Emily didn't say anything. She just smiled along with Phoebe, proud that she was able to help in such a small way. "Would you mind if I went for a little nap? I didn't get much of a sleep on the bus."  
  
"Sure, ill show to my room" Both stood up and Phoebe followed Emily. "Help yourself to anything while im not here, treat this place as your own you hear?" Phoebe nodded, "Ok," Phoebe lay on the bed and tried to get comfortable, but it was hard, everything was so different to what she was used to. Emily sat next to her a moment, making sure she was ok. "I have to get back to work now, are you going to be ok here on your own?" Emily was still gravely concerned for her, even although she seemed to have calmed down a lot. "Uh huh, I just need this sleep" Emily took that as a hint for her to leave. She smiled and patted Phoebe gently on the side. "I'll see you when I get home, then we can sort out the arrangements for France," Phoebe had her eyes shut and didn't answer. Emily stared at her for a moment, realising she was asleep. She noted how peaceful she looked as she stood quietly and walked to the door, shutting it softly behind her. She stood in her living room for a while just thinking. "I wonder if I should call Ross?" She thought it through and shook her head; she couldn't betray Phoebes trust, even if she was slightly concerned for her welfare. She walked over to the door and lifted her jacket and keys. She stopped and looked down at the phone. She dropped her belongings and reached into her bag for her address book. "Rail timetable hotline, Robert house, Rotary Club," she flicked through the pages. "Ahh, Ross, Ross house, nope, Ross Cell! That's the one," She leaned down and began to dial the number. it was ringing.  
  
~*~  
  
Thanks again to everyone who has been reviewing. Im keeping writing for you guys :o) I'll have chapter 11 up in the next few hours, im already half way through it :o) 


	11. Ships that pass in the night

Chapter 11  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends. (How bored am I typing that!) Again I'd like to say thanks to everyone who is reviewing. I love u all :o) I have lots of good twists coming up so please keep reading and reviewing :o) Oh and if anyone wants to chat, feel free to email at the address in my profile.  
  
~*~  
Rachel was deep in sleep when she awoke unexpectedly. She could hear a phone ringing next to her. She looked up at Ross who was fast asleep, his head leaning against the cold window. "ROSS!" she hollered, trying to wake him as quickly as possible. He jumped and glanced at her, still dreaming. "What is it?" he said sleepily. "Your cell is ringing" Ross listened for a moment to the noise, still trying desperately to digest the information. "That's not my ring tone Rachel, that's yours!" "What? Oh my God so it is!" She jumped from her seat and began to fumble frantically in her bag in search of her phone. She pulled it out hurriedly and answered. "Hello? Yes? Rachel Greene speaking," Ross stared at her. Who was calling her at this time in the morning? He looked at his watch to confirm the time. It was 8am. It couldn't be anyone in America it was 2am there. He looked quizzically at her. "Yes, sure that's fine, yes I can do that, ok hold on let me get a pen." She mouthed over to Ross asking him if he had one. He opened his bag and handed her a yellow pencil, mouthing back "Its all I have" She grabbed it from him and began to write hysterically on the magazine that was next to her. "Ok thanks, that's great, see you soon" and at that she hung up. "Who was that?" Ross asked. "Oh just my boss at Ralph Lauren." "At 2 in the morning?" he looked puzzled Rachel cringed, she had forgotten about the time difference. "Yes, she forgot to tell me something before I left, and its really important."  
  
Ross nodded, still not fully convinced.  
  
Rachel knew he was suspicious so she tried to change the subject. "Are Mon and Chandler still asleep?" Ross shrugged and leaned forward to look at the seats in front. "I can't really see," he leaned further forward and nearly fell. Just at that Chandlers head appeared over the seat. "I'll save you the injury," he laughed. "Sleep well folks?" "You must be kidding, my neck feels like its been jumped on by ten sumo wrestlers!" Rachel moaned, rubbing the back of her neck forcefully. "Aw, that's a shame. I had a great sleep. Monica makes a pretty good pillow!" he laughed again. "Your lucky she didn't wake up and find you like that, she hates people laying their head on her!" Ross said seriously Chandler and Rachel stared at him looking for an explanation to his comment. "What? We used to go camping a lot! The tent was small and she took up a LOT of room" Ross tried to justify it.  
  
Everyone started to laugh hysterically. It was the first time since yesterday they had allowed themselves to do so. The laughing ended abruptly with Monica waking up. "What did I miss?" The thought of Monica in the tent sent the 3 friends into fits of laughter again. Rachel doubled over trying to muffle her amusement. "I should have stayed asleep!" Monica was not amused.  
  
Everyone tried to catch their breaths, the laughter having left them winded. They all settled down and sat in silence. Not sure what to say now. Joey stood up and broke the silence. "Hey guys, are we nearly there yet?" "I'm not sure, has anyone noticed where we are?" Monica looked at Chandler "I've just woken up," Chandler replied. "Us too," Rachel gestured towards Ross.  
  
"Oh wait, there's a road sign," Ross stuck his head as close to the window as it would allow. "It says Glasgow 6 miles. We don't have long, 10 minutes at the most I'd imagine"  
  
"We better start getting our stuff organised then!" Monica began to put her stuff back in her holdall. Everyone nodded and began to do the same. Joey sat at the edge of his seat; he hadn't unpacked anything when he got on the bus so he had nothing to do. He wondered what Phoebe was doing right now, he hoped she was missing him and regretting running away. He rested his head against the seat and watched Monica help Chandler with his packing. "They would make a cute couple," he thought. "Just like me and Phoebe would" His felt that familiar lump at the back of his throat. It was short lived as Ross shouted. "There's the station, we're here!"  
  
~*~  
Emily listened to the ringing stop and a woman began to speak. "I'm sorry, the cell phone you have called is switched off, please try again later." Emily replaced the handset and picked up her things for the second time. "Probably for the best" she agreed with herself as she let herself out of the apartment.  
  
She walked into the busy street, stopping at the doorway to let people pass. She pushed past and stood on the sidewalk to wait on a cab to get her back to her office. She stood there for what seemed like an eternity before realising she would be quicker walking. She headed towards the station, picking up pace so she wouldn't be late for her appointment. She stopped and waited on the traffic lights changing so she could cross the road.  
  
~*~  
  
Monica sat impatiently looking out of the window as the bus pulled along by the station. She wanted off as soon as possible. She was sick of sitting in the one position. The bus stopped at the traffic lights and Monica continued to look down on the street. She sat up abruptly and nudged Chandler in the ribs. "Hey, look, doesn't that look like Emily?" she whispered, not wanting Ross to hear. "It is Emily im sure," he whispered back. "God, lets just hope we don't bump into her while we are here, that's all we need!" "Yeah, could you imagine? That would be the icing on the cake for Rachel and Ross!" Monica looked at him slightly puzzled. "What do you mean?" "Didn't you hear them fighting last night? Geez Monica, the whole bus heard it." "You're kidding? Please say it wasn't that whole "We were on a break" crap again?" Monica rolled her eyes. "It would have been if Rachel hadn't stopped him!" "When are those two just going to realise they still love each other and get over it!" Chandler shrugged. "Beats me" The bus rolled into the station and everyone got out of his or her seats. "This is it guys." Ross said while ushering Rachel down the aisle. "Come on if we get the cases first then we can be first in the queue for the cabs" Monica flipped into controlling mode.  
  
Outside they gathered their cases and headed in the same direction Phoebe had gone only hours before. "Ok, so we need to find a hotel, anyone have any suggestions?" Monica looked around at her friends' blank expressions. "So that's a no then!" "Lets just get in a cab and ask the driver to take us to the nearest one." Chandler suggested. "I'm pretty sure we passed a Marriott?" Rachel added. "Ok, well the Marriott it is then people?" Monica watched as everyone nodded. A taxi drove up just as Monica had finished talking. The unloaded their suitcases into the back and set off for the hotel.  
~*~  
  
Phoebe opened her eyes and looked around the unfamiliar room. She lay for a while, taking in every aspect of it. She suddenly felt her stomach cramp. Sickness rose in her as she rushed towards the bathroom. It had 36 hours since she had eaten and her stomach was obviously having a hard time accepting this as she balked a few times. Nothing came up, which was no surprise to her. Her belly was empty after all.  
  
She rested her back against the bath and stood up, heading to the kitchen to make her self some food. She wasn't in the least bit hungry, but she knew she had to eat to keep her strength up. She had a long few days ahead of her and needed all the energy she could get. She opened the wooden cupboard doors in search of anything she could snack on. As she opened the final cupboard she noticed a familiar picture tacked onto the inside of the door. It was all the gang, including Emily at her "Surprise going away party". Phoebe traced her finger over each of her friends, pretending she could feel them as she did. She let her hand drop and closed the door over again. She wasn't in the mood for eating anymore. She just wanted to get to France and away from this pain, start a new life.  
  
The kitchen door opened unexpectedly and Phoebe span round fear in her eyes. "Ah, you're awake!" Emily smiled. "Emily!" Phoebe took a few sharp breaths. "You gave me a fright!" "Oh im sorry, i didn't mean too. I thought you were still asleep when I came in, that's why I was so quiet." Phoebe smiled, but still felt embarrassed that she was so jumpy. "I was just going to make something to eat, I was feeling a bit sick earlier."  
  
"Are you ok? Would you like to see a Doctor?"  
  
Phoebe laughed, now Emily was the one being melodramatic "No, its just hunger, honest." Emily joined in on the laughter. "Good, as long as your fine. Now I have a surprise for you." "Really?" Phoebe said, slightly curious. "Yes, I took a long lunch and I went out and bought you something." She ruffled in her bag and pulled out an envelope. She handed it to Phoebe, who stared at it for a while before opening it. "What is it?"  
  
"Open it and see" Emily's grin was huge. "Emily!" Phoebe gasped. "You really didn't have to do this!" "The plane leave in 2 days, so it gives me time to show you the sights." Emily's smile remained on her face. Tears streamed down Phoebes cheeks, touched by Emily's generosity. "Come I'll show you the pictures on the apartment, you're going to love it!" She grabbed Phoebe's hand and led her to the living room.  
  
~*~  
"Good Morning, how can I help you? Do you have reservations?" The Marriott's receptionist looked at the worn out looking people in front of him. Monica fiddled with her hair. "Not exactly. We were hoping you would have some vacancies."  
  
The receptionist smiled. "Let me check the computer" He typed something into the system and looked back at Monica. "We only have 1 double room left, and a deluxe suite Ma'am" "How much is the suite?" Ross queried "The suite for 6 is £580 Sir" "What! That's nearly $900" he exclaimed. "I'm sorry Sir its all we have for today. If your staying more than one night im sure we would be able to put you all in separate rooms in a day or two." "Ross, lets just take it." Rachel sounded exhausted and slightly cranky. "Ok, but will you look and see about separate rooms for tomorrow and the next 6 or 7 days?" Ross enquired. "Not a problem Sir" and at that he began to look up the computer again as Ross searched in his wallet for his credit card. "I'll put the charge on my card and you guys can pay me back later." Ross handed over his visa and waited for it to be swiped. "I will be able to put you all in your own rooms tomorrow night, we have a convention leaving the hotel then. I sincerely apologise for the inconvenience." "Hey, don't worry about it, thanks for all you help" Ross said as he reached for the key. "Take the lift on your left and it will take you directly to your suite. Enjoy your stay at the Marriott," Everyone bar Rachel flashed the receptionist a smile. Her eyes widened in fear. Ross picked up on Rachel's nervousness and threw his arm around her and pulled her close into him. Neither said a word, but both felt reassured by the silence. He didn't let go of her until they were safely out of the elevator and into the room.  
  
"Wow, look at this place!" Monica gushed. "Its pretty damn amazing!" Chandler looked as amazed as Monica. The room was as big as Monica and Chandler's apartments put together. The rooms looked Victoria, strewn with red velvet, candles and magnificent crystal chandeliers dangling from the ceiling. "It's like a palace," Rachel screamed as she headed in search of the bedrooms. "What do you think Joe?" Chandler tried to involve his once lively now silent friend. "Yeah, its nice!" Joey tried to sound as positive as he could muster. He was about to mention Phoebe when Ross interrupted him. "Hey does anyone fancy taking a walk around the block to check the place out?" "Sorry sweetie, im gonna stay here and unpack" Monica gave him a pitiful look. "Yeah same here man" Chandler answered. "Joey?" "Nah, im going to try and get a sleep so im fresh for when we look for Pheebs." "I'll go with you Ross. I could sure use the fresh air, that bus was so stuffy!" Rachel raced towards him, half skipping. "Ok so, no more takers?" Ross asked, making sure no one had changed their minds, but everyone shook their heads. "See you soon then." Him and Rachel walked towards the door. "Oh, does anyone want anything while we're out?" Rachel asked. "Hmm, could you get me a newspaper Rach?" "Sure Chandler, be back with it soon." Ross and Rachel exited, leaving the others to settle in.  
  
~*~  
Phoebe closed the photo album and grinned. "Wow, it really is beautiful, im so looking forward to going now. I've never been out of America before, and suddenly I've been in England, Scotland and now im going to France, all in the one week!" Emily's heart broke for her; she was so innocent and sweet for someone who had so much hardship in their life.  
  
"Why don't we go for a walk?" Emily suggested, trying to get Phoebe feeling less uncomfortable. "Sure, but not for long ok?" Phoebe wasn't sure why she felt so uneasy. There was no way she was going to bump into anyone else she knew, at least she hoped she wouldn't. "I need to get cigarettes, is there a newspaper vendor near?" "Yeah, there's one right on the corner."  
  
"Great!" Phoebe answered, "Let me get my purse"  
~*~  
Rachel held on to her hair as the cold wind blasted it, blowing it all over her face. "It's got so cold all of a sudden!" Rachel moaned. "We can go back if you like?" Ross seemed concerned. "No, im fine. Anyway, I have to get Chandler a paper. I'll be in the bad books if I don't." she laughed and Ross joined in. "Ok, lets go find a newspaper vendor." Ross put his arm around her. He took it as a good sign we she didn't reject his advance, but Rachel was thinking otherwise. She let her body tense as he put his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. "How am I going to tell him I'm leaving, for good?" she raised her eyes to the sky and prayed it would be as bad as what she imagined.  
~*~  
  
"Can I have 20 Marlboro Lights Please?" Phoebe stood at the shops counter and waited as the shopkeeper reached behind him and picked up the pack of cigarettes. "That will be £4.80 please." Phoebe looked in her purse at the British money and tried to remember which coin was which. She could feel the mans eyes stare through her as she searched. The longer it took her the more she panicked. "I'm, I'm sorry, I haven't been in Britain long, im not too sure of the money. Could you help me?" Phoebe looked embarrassed. "Of course" the man reached over and took the exact money from Phoebes purse. "How long are you over from America for?" the clerk asked as he rung up the till. "Just 2 weeks. Im going back again in 2 days." Phoebe lied. She didn't want to get into the ins and outs of her situation with a man she had just met. "So where's home then?" he asked. Phoebe felt the tears sting her eyes; she didn't have a home anymore. "New York City" she stammered, wishing he would stop questioning her. "Nice place. I've been a few times over the last few years." "Yes, it is nice" she replied quietly. "Ok, well enjoy the rest of your stay in Scotland. Have a safe journey back" Phoebe held back her tears and nodded. "Thank you." She turned and ran out the shop as quickly as she could. Emily caught her outside as she ran into her arms, sobbing loudly. "Phoebe, what's wrong?" Emily looked scared. "Just take me home" Phoebe could hardly speak as Emily led her off back to the apartment.  
~*~  
  
"Hey Rach look, there's a shop there!" Ross practically dragged her across the road. "Slow down, its not a race" As Ross entered the shop he let go of Rachel, who suddenly tripped over something on the ground. She felt her hands hit the wall as she tried to save herself from falling on her face. Ross ran back to help her up. She looked at the ground to see what she had kicked. "Someone must have dropped their cigarettes on the way out the shop," She bent down and picked up the pack of Marlboro Lights. "I'll take them back in and give them to the shopkeeper" Rachel said, following Ross in. "Sir?" Rachel tried to get the clerks attentions. "Yes Ma'am?" "I think someone dropped these cigarettes outside. I presumed they bought them here?" "Ahh, yes, the woman only left a few minutes ago. I'll keep them here in case she comes back for them." "Ok," Rachel placed them on the counter and went to turn to Ross but the shopkeeper began to speak again. "You know, its funny, she was American too. We don't get many Americans in here and you're the second one in 10 minutes." He laughed leaving Rachel and Ross feeling uncomfortable. "Next your gonna tell me your from New York City too" he continued laughing weirdly. "Yeah, we are from Manhattan." Rachel was shocked. "What was this woman like?" Ross butted in. "She was real pretty, long blonde hair, tall. She said she was going home to American in 2 days. Do you know her?" Ross pulled a photograph from his wallet. "Was this her?" he asked "That is she. You must be friends." Ross and Rachel raced from the shop without answering or buying anything, each trying to outrun each other back to the hotel.  
  
~*~ 


	12. Departures

Chapter 12  
~*~  
The suite was quiet. Monica was in her room, which she planned to share with Rachel. She placed her last pair of trousers onto the hanger and then into wardrobe. Joey was asleep in his room and Chandler sat in the sitting area reading the tourism magazine, which has been supplied by the hotel. The silence was unexpectedly broken with a shattered Rachel and Ross falling in the door together, holding on to each other for dear life. Chandler sat up straight in his seat and Monica joined the room, hearing the commotion.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you two?" Monica looked questionably.  
  
Rachel was bent double, fighting for breath. "We spoke to someone who saw Phoebe about 20 minutes ago. She was in the shop buying cigarettes and." Chandler cut her off. "But Phoebe doesn't smoke Rachel" "Well she does now by the looks of it." Ross snapped. Rachel took over from him. "He identified her from a picture. He said she told him she was leaving to go back to New York in two days!" "She must have bought a new ticket?" Monica was still trying to let the facts settle in her brain. "We need to go to the airport now and change our tickets, try and get an early flight from Glasgow. We have to try and beat her back, then catch her at the airport." Ross rushed through his words and watched Monica snatch her purse up from the table. "Lets go now, the sooner the better." They set off for the airport leaving Joey asleep and oblivious to the goings on.  
~*~  
The airport was a stone's throw from the hotel, but it still managed to take them 20 minutes to get there. The traffic was a nightmare, and they seemed to get stopped at every set of traffic lights they came across. By the time they were inside all 4 had lost the little remaining patience they had left. The whole situation was driving them crazy and there was nothing they could do to make it better.  
  
Monica barged passed everyone who managed to get in her way, in a desperate attempt to find the check in desks. "Mon, over here," Rachel motioned to her with her left hand and Monica followed. They could see the desks in the distance as they walked as quickly as they could towards them. "Could you help us please?" Rachel asked the woman across from her. She was wearing a British Airways uniform. "Sure, would you like to book tickets?" The woman enquired. "No, you see we already have tickets. He are supposed to fly back to John F Kennedy airport from London Heathrow in 9 days, but we would ideally like to change them, allowing us to fly back from Glasgow. Oh and the flight needs to be tomorrow if possible," Rachel cringed at having to cause so much disruption. The clerk nodded and smiled, noticing Rachel's embarrassment. "Let me check for you. Could I see the return tickets you have already?" Ross dug deep into his pocket and pulled out his wallet where he was keeping them and he handed them over for her to check. They stood back and watched the woman type furiously into the computer. "Ah," she scowled at something on her screen. "What is it now?" Monica raged, having had enough drama. "All the planes going back to New York are fully booked for the next 5 days, there is only 1 seat left on the day after tomorrows flight. Let me check other flights to the east coast." She restarted her typing. "Any one else got déjà vu?" Monica's voice was still filled with anger. "I'm sorry but the other flights are the same. It's a 5 day wait or nothing im afraid." "Its better than nothing guys," Chandler tried to remain positive. "Ok, can you change us to that flight then?" Monica asked, her tone a bit less severe than before. "Sure, I will have to charge you an excess of £60 per ticket im afraid. Its an admin' fee" This time everyone rolled their eyes. Ross who already had his wallet open handed her his credit card. "Now I've got déjà vu!"  
  
After a quick change over the gang had their new tickets. All they had to do now was go back to the hotel, inform Joey of the goings on and wait patiently for Friday when they would be back in America.  
~*~  
  
Joey was up from his bed and sitting in the lounge, frantic with worry over the sudden disappearance of his 4 remaining friends. Just at that the door swung open and the gang entered. He jumped to his feet and ran to them. "Did something happen? Did you get news from Phoebe?" He asked hysterically. "You could say that Joe, we bumped into someone who saw her. She's apparently going back to America on Tuesday. We're just back from the airport. We went to see about getting the same flight, but it's fully booked, so we have to wait 5 more days. There was one seat on a flight Tuesday but that's no good to us." Everyone listened intently while Ross filled Joey in, watching his expression with pity. "I'm going back on that flight!" Joey stated without thinking. "What?" Ross looked confused. "The one seat left! I have to get it! I'll go back alone!" "Joey are you sure?" Rachel was frightened to ask, but had to. Joey didn't answer her; he ran to the phone and dialled the operator. "Glasgow airport please" he listened in silence for a moment as he was connected. "Yes, hi, I would like to book the ticket for the flight going to" he paused and looked at his friends. "Newark" Ross mouthed to him. "Newark, on Tuesday please." He listened again as the clerk searched. "Can you hold it for me and I will come and get it? I'll be there as soon as possible." Joey hung up the phone and made a grab for his jacket. "Chandler, pack up my suitcase" he shouted back without turning round. They all watched him close the door then turned to look at each other. No one could understand his erratic behaviour, but it was Joey, so no one questioned it.  
  
Rachel broke the silence. "Well guys I hate to break up the fun, but I have to go to bed. I'm shattered!" All nodded and went into their respective rooms, all of them worn out. The next 5 days waiting were going to be agony; they just had to hold on to all hope until then!  
  
~*~  
  
The two-day wait for Phoebe flew in. She shut over the lid of her case and closed it securely. She sat on her bed, her head in her hands. She could feel her stomach knotting with nerves. She was taking another huge step and the thought of it terrified her to the core. "Are you ready Pheebs? Emily stuck her head around the door. "I've got a cab waiting downstairs." Phoebe looked up and nodded. She lifted her case and shut the bedroom door behind. She was unable to wipe the tears from her eyes, as her hands were full. Instead she let them drip down her onto her top. "France here I come!" she sobbed.  
~*~  
  
The airports speaker system came on and a woman's voice echoed the airport.  
  
"This is the last call for flight BA719 going to Newark, New Jersey. Departure lounge 26."  
  
"That's you Joey," Chandler patted his friend on the back and then grabbed him close for a hug. Joey held on with all his might. "Have a save journey sweetie," Rachel fought back her tears. She hated goodbyes. "See you all soon!" Joey waved. Everyone noted how the group just seemed to get smaller and smaller as the days went on, praying it wouldn't be long before they were all reunited.  
~*~  
"Flight number PR138, please report to check in terminal 32. Have your boarding passes ready." "That's my flight," Phoebe looked at her boarding pass and checked the flight number to be sure. Emily hugged her tightly. "Have a good journey, and remember to call me when you settle in! Oh, and you'll be needing these," Emily placed her hand in her pocket and pulled out a set of keys. "Won't get far without these," she joked. "Emily, thank you so much again. I don't know where I would be without you."  
  
"Listen, don't mention it. You go and sort yourself out. And remember Phoebe; if you need to go back to New York go. Your friends love you! They wont be mad." Phoebe didn't say anything. She wished what Emily had said was true, but in her head it didn't equate.  
  
"Goodbye Emily. Take care!" Phoebe headed towards her check in, never looking back.  
~*~  
"I'm going to go and see if I can hand Joeys ticket back in and get a refund. After all, we have no use for it." Ross stated. "I'll come with you," Rachel followed him. Monica and Chandler stood in silence, that was until Chandler spotted a familiar face. "Oh my God Mon, look, there's Emily again!" "Where?" Monica spun her head around in different directions trying to see for herself." "There! Look!" Chandler pointed to the main doors which Emily was now walking out of." "How weird is that! Do you think its some kind of fate that we keep running into her? Do you think we should go talk to her?" "Nah," Chandler answered. "Better to let sleeping dogs lie as they say" "Yeah, your probably right" Monica agreed. "We would have nothing to talk about anyway, it would just be awkward!  
  
Little did they know!  
  
~*~  
  
Monica, Chandler, Ross and Rachel sat in a little Irish pub across from their hotel, all-staring aimlessly into their glasses.  
  
"Guys can I talk to you about something?" Chandler looked nervously at his friends who had turned to stare at him. "I've been thinking about looking up my family while I'm here, but I didn't think it was appropriate with what's happened and all. Anyway I thought I'd better it run it by you all before I started searching. So what do you think?" "I think it's a fabulous idea! You always wanted to know your roots" Monica rubbed his arm reassuringly. "We will help" Rachel chimed in. "Yeah, and don't feel bad. There's nothing we can do for Phoebe now. She's probably half way to America. We are just going to be sitting around until Friday anyway." Ross looked sympathetic. "Thanks you lot, I knew I could count of you for support" The all leaned in for a group hug. "Let go do some research!" Ross screeched, sounding more excited than he really should have. Chandler felt his stomach knot in excitement. He was finally going to find the family he had longed to meet. But would it be as rosy as what he thought? Little did he know acquiring new family would cost him the love of his life!  
~*~  
  
Thanks for reading, please review :o) luv ya xxxx 


	13. Revelation

Chapter 13  
~*~  
The 4 friends sat in line at the computers in the Births, Deaths and Marriages office. "Ok, everyone logged in?" Chandler made sure everyone was coping with the computer system "Yep" Rachel was the only one who replied. "So what are we looking for? It was your Fathers side of the family that were over here right?" Ross was ever the Dr. He wanted to make sure he had all the facts before he processed the data. "Just search for Bing's in this area. How many can there be?" Chandler guffawed.  
  
The room fell silent as they typed away, writing notes down on the pads provided.  
  
20 Minutes passed before anyone said anything. "This is no good, I can't see any Bing's in the death certificates. I knew there wouldn't be many, but none?" Chandler slumped back in his chair, deflated. "Do you think there's a chance they could have relocated?" Monica questioned. "There's every possibility. It has been 33 years since we've had any contact." "Oh, oh, oh." Rachel started fidgeting erratically in her seat. "I got something. Did you say your Dads brother was called Robert?" "Yes, why what does it say?" "It says his son Stuart was married last year to a woman called Nicola. August 8th to be exact." Chandlers' eyes lit up and he grew more and more excited. "Does it give you an address?" "Let me have a look. Yeah, here it is." She wrote the address down on her note-pad and handed the ripped out sheet to him. "Oh my God I can't believe how easy that was! I'm not even sure what to do with this? Do you think I should try getting his phone number and ring first? Or should I just show up at their house? I don't want to show up there and be like "Hi, im your long lost cousin!" I need to break them in gently!" Chandler was doing his usual nervous babbling. "Chandler you have 2 and a half days maximum to work with. If I was you id get my ass in gear and get round there now." Monica hated indecisiveness and it showed in her voice. "You think?" He looked at the gang nod in rhythm. "Ok, well, lets go over there?" His voiced was filled with uncertainty, but he knew with his friends' support he would be able to get through this without making a complete idiot of himself.  
~*~  
"It is once again safe to remove your seat-belts" The airhostess put the message over the planes speakers. Joey unbuckled his and rose from his chair to stretch his legs. It had been the first time in the 6 hours he'd been in the air that he was able to stand. The turbulence had been non-stop, so he was making the most of being able to walk. He paced the aisle next to his row for a few seconds before a thought entered his head. "Phoebe was leaving today too! Could she be on this flight?" He quickened his pace and practically ran the length of the plane, looking at every person in every seat until he got to the back. His stomach fell as he realised she wasn't here and he walked back slowly to his own seat, his head hung low. He sat and didn't get up again for the next hour, until the plane landed at Newark. He had his plan of action ready for when he got home. "Drop of my suitcase. Then phone Ursula!"  
~*~  
Phoebe laid down her cases and put the key in the door. After a few sharp turns it opened. "Wow, its huge!" Phoebe watched in awe. The whole apartment was open plan, with pine wooden floors and sparklingly clean worktops. The French doors were slightly ajar and the thin mesh curtains covering them were blowing gently in the wind. She walked towards then and opened them to there full capacity and walked out onto the balcony. Only a few metres away stood the magnificent sight of the Eiffel Tower. It reminded her of the Empire state building, with its narrow pointy top. She allowed herself a small smile. This was going to be the start of her new life and she would have to get used to the changes. The bruises were fading but the memories were still there. They would never really go, but that was something she would have to sort out. Tears began to form as she continued to stare at the 100-year-old monument. She would never see New York again. Or would she?  
~*~  
"STUART! Answer the door!" A female voice cried out from upstairs. Stuart was in the garden and hadn't heard the doorbell, but he sure as hell heard his wife holler. "Ok!" he screamed back at the top of his lungs as he walked to the door. He opened it to see 4 strangers standing there in front of him. "Yes, can I help you?" he asked. Chandler walked forward away from his friends and extended his hand. "Hi there, my names Chandler Bing. Im Charles' son. Your fathers' nephew. Your cousin." He was babbling again. Stuart reached over and shook his hand. "Wow, this is a bit of a surprise! Come in!" He moved to let the 4 enter the house. "Take a seat," he said as he closed the door securely. Stuart was five years younger than Chandler but didn't look it. "I haven't seen your dad in about 10 years!" Stuart took a seat across from Chandler. "My Dad was here 10 years ago?" "Yeah, he was doing a tour with some burlesque? He was in the Edinburgh Festival" "That makes sense," Chandler cringed with embarrassment. "So what brings you here? Not that im not happy to see you, its just a bit out of the blue." "Myself and my friends were here on holiday, so I decided to look up the family," He Pointed to the other 3 next to him. "You were the only Bing I could find" Chandler smiled. "My mum and dad retired last year and moved to Devon. The rest of the family immigrated to Australia about 25 years ago. There's Bing's all over the place!" He smiled back. "Hold on I'll get my wife, she will love to meet you." He walked towards the stairs and disappeared.  
  
"He seems really nice!" Rachel tried to sound less enthusiastic than what she wanted to be. If Ross hadn't been there she would have commented on how hot he was, but didn't feel it appropriate.  
  
"Yeah doesn't he. I'm so glad I did this now, thanks guys." No one had time to answer, Stuart appeared at the bottom of the stairs with his wife. "Nicola, this is Chandler and, sorry I didn't catch your names" "Rachel" "I'm Ross," "And I'm Monica"  
  
"Its lovely to meet you all." She looked genuinely happy. "Would you like to stay for dinner? Its no problem." "That would be great if you're sure you don't mind?" Chandler was feeling so touched at his newfound family's generosity he stumbled his words. Everyone settled in for the night and chatted into the small hours about everything and anything they could think of. No one was feeling uncomfortable, well at least they weren't after the eighth bottle of wine was opened.  
  
As the chat died down people began to split off into groups, talking amongst themselves. Rachel and Monica were engrossed in chat, as was Stuart and Ross and Chandler and Nicola.  
  
"Rachel, can I ask you opinion on something?" What do you really think of Chandler?" Monica looked embarrassed. "Oh, is this the thing where you ask what we think of people then we bitch about them?" Rachel's eyes sparkled with excitement; she loved that game. "No, im serious? Do you think he's a good guy?" Rachel paused for a second. "Of course I do, he's my friend, I love him to pieces." "But what about as a boyfriend?" Monica's embarrassment grew. "Your falling for him aren't you!" Rachel squealed so loud Monica had to Shh her. "I think it's more than falling for him Rach, I think I," Monica stuttered. "You think you what?" Rachel was dying with suspense. "I think I love him!" 


	14. Another day without you

Chapter 14  
Disclaimer: I still don't own anything to do with friends, or the song Just another day by John Secada.  
  
~*~  
Rachel sat gaping at Monica, her jaw practically hitting the floor. "Since when?" Rachel gasped. "Since forever!" Monica replied assertively. The drunker she got the more open she got. "I had no idea!" Rachel still had shock written all over face. "Neither did I until London. I mean I always knew, but somehow since we got here, I just, well I just realised my feelings were a lot stronger. I started to notice how kind and loving he was, especially towards me." Rachel listened intently as Monica continued. "The first night we were here, I was in my room and I just couldn't get the thoughts of him out my head. Every time I shut my eyes he was there, his face serious, his eyes staring through me. No matter how hard I thought it I couldn't get the image of him away. So I went to his room. I wasn't planning on waking him, I just wanted to lie beside him for a while, but my plan didn't work. He woke up." "Did you have sex!" Rachel was gripped in Monica's story. "God no! We just sat up all night and talked" Monica smiled at the memory. There was a comfortable silence as both girls went into a world of their own. Monica reminiscing about her night with Chandler, and Rachel wondering if now was a good time to tell her best friend about her new job. She decided it was about time she told someone and bit the bullet. "Mon? Since we are sharing things, I have something I really have to tell you." Rachel looked up from the floor to find her friend turning green. "Monica are you ok?" Rachel looked worried. "Hmm, I feel sick, I've had too much wine." As she said the last word she began to retch. "Where's the bathroom?" Rachel shouted in the direction of Stuart. By this point everyone had noticed Monica's situation. "I'll take her. Come on Monica." Stuart grabbed her hand and led her upstairs as quickly as he could. He didn't want his new hall carpet ruined.  
  
"I hope Mon's ok? She's been in the bathroom for ages now!" Rachel broke the silence. "I'll go check on her and Stuart." Nicola stood up and gave Rachel a reassuring look.  
  
Upstairs the bathroom was empty. Nicola shut the door back over and listened to hear where the talking was coming from. She heard her husbands voice in the guest room and went in to check. "Hey, there you are. How is she?" Nicola looked at a sleeping Monica and then back at Stuart. "She's going to fine. She just passed out. I thought it was better to put her in bed than wake her and send her back to the hotel. Stuart placed a small bucket down next to her and pulled the remainder of the duvet over her to keep her warm. He then joined his wife to go back downstairs.  
  
Chandler stood up as she saw them return without Monica. "What happened? Is she alright?" "Yeah, I've just put her to bed, I think its best she sleeps it off." Stuart touched Chandler reassuringly. "Can I stay here too and keep an eye on her? I don't really want to leave her here all alone." Chandler still looked worried. "Of course. I'll get you some blankets for the sofa." Nicola ran off to do so. "Stuart can you call a taxi for me and Rach?" Ross slurred his words but tried his best to act sober while Stuart wandered off to call a cab.  
~*~  
The door of Chandler and Joeys apartment burst open and a flustered Joey flew threw it. He let his case fall on the floor next to the foosball table and ran to his room. Within seconds he had reappeared again, with the key to Monica's in his hand.  
  
Without wasting a second he entered her apartment and went for her phonebook. "Please let her number be in here," he prayed as he searched the list of U's. "Ah, Ursula!" He bent down and lifted the white cordless phone from the base unit. He dialled the number and listened while it rang. Just as he was about to give up hope a recognizable voice spoke. Joey had to stop himself from screaming Phoebes name, realising it was just her twin. "Ursula? Its Joey!" "Joey? Um, no, im sorry I don't know a Joey, ok Bye bye."  
  
"No wait, Ursula, its Joey, Phoebes friend!" "Uh! What is Joey? I really don't have time to talk, im in the middle of making the sequel to Dr. Do me a little." "Ursula this is urgent, have you seen Phoebe?"  
  
"Of course I've seen her, she's my sister!" Ursula sounded serious. "This is like talking to a brick wall," Joey mumbled quietly. "Have you seen her TODAY?" Joey's patience was challenged. "Um, no, ok bye bye." Ursula went to hang up but heard Joey scream, which made her listen. "URSULA! THIS IS SERIOUS!" "Ok, ok calm down, don't be so squiggly! What's up?" She couldn't have sounded less enthusiastic. "Phoebe went missing when we were on holiday in London, and we found out she was on her way back to the states. I thought she would have come to you, but clearly she hasn't. Have you any idea where she would have gone?" The seriousness in Joeys voice was of no interest to Ursula. "Joey, I couldn't care less. She pulled this kind of crap before remember? What did she do this time? Leave someone for dead? Let them be abused?" Joey recoiled back at the anger in her voice. "Wh- what do you mean?" His voice shook. "Oh she didn't tell you about that then, I didn't think she would have!" "Tell me about what!!!!" Joey's blood pressure was rising rapidly as he paced the floor of Monica's apartment. "Oh nothing much, just that she left me all alone with my stepfather, knowing he was a big fat pervert, made my mom kill herself and then had the cheek to want to talk to me again." Joey ran what she had just said through his brain but it wasn't calculating. What did she mean by it all? "Ursula I don't understand what your saying!" "Oh ok, you want it plainer than that? Well lets see, our stepfather abused us, well, that wouldn't have been plural had Phoebe not ran away. When my mom found out she stuck her head in the oven, he went to jail and I was left alone. I think that pretty much sums it up. Oh but I bet she didn't tell you she was pregnant with his kid either did she? Joey I don't think you really know our dearest Phoebe at all do you! She's a lying bitch and deserves all that bad Karma she gets!" With that Ursula slammed the phone down, leaving a stunned Joey listening to a dead line. "That's why she was so upset and ran away, Phoebe was raped before!" He placed the phone back down in its holder and sat on the couch, everything going in slow motion. He felt sicker than he had ever done before, a multitude of emotions crushing his heart so much it hurt to breathe. He wanted to hold her in his arms and protect her forever, but she was gone and he knew deep down he was never going to find her. He curled up on the sofa and cried like he had never cried before.  
Morning alone  
  
When you come home  
  
I breathe a little faster  
  
Every time we're together  
  
It'd never be the same  
  
If you're not here  
  
How can you stay away, away so long?  
Why can't we stay together  
  
Give me a reason  
  
Give me a reason.  
  
I, I don't wanna say it  
  
I don't want to find another way  
  
Make it trough the day without you  
  
It's just another day  
  
making the time  
  
Find the right lines  
  
What do I have to tell you  
  
I'm just trying to hold on to something  
  
(Trying to hold on to something good)  
  
Give us a chance to make it.  
Don't wanna hold on to never  
  
I'm not that strong  
  
I'm not that strong.  
  
I, I don't wanna say it  
  
I don't wanna find another way  
  
Make it through the day without you  
  
I, I can't resist  
  
Trying to find exactly what I miss  
  
It's just another day without you. 


	15. Misunderstandings

Chapter 15  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends.  
~*~  
Monica opened her eyes to see darkness envelope her. For the first few seconds of consciousness she thought she was safely in her hotel room, but as she turned on her bedside light she realised she was in a strange room.  
  
She sat bolt upright in bed and reached for her handbag, drunkenly fumbling for her cell phone. She punched in Rachel's cell number and waited for her to answer. After a few rings a very tried sounding Rachel answered. "Hello?"  
  
"Rachel its Monica, where am I?" Monica whispered so she didn't wake anyone.  
  
"What? You're in Stuarts house, don't you remember? You got sick and passed out so we left you to sleep it off." Rachel spoke as coherently as she could for 4am.  
  
"You all left me with complete strangers!" Monica sounded harsh, but still talking in whispers.  
  
"No, Chandler stayed with you, he's down sleeping on the couch."  
  
"Aw, Chandler stayed with me?" Monica's harshness turned into sweetness.  
  
"Yeah, he wouldn't leave you. I think he feels the same for you as you do for him."  
  
Monicas eyes widened in astonishment at Rachel's groggy announcement.  
  
"What did you just say? What feelings?" Mon's denial made her stutter.  
  
"I take it you don't remember our conversation either?" Monica couldn't see Rachel rolling her eyes on the other end of the phone.  
  
"Oh my God, I told you everything didn't I? Monica didn't know whether to be surprised or embarrassed.  
  
"Are you going to tell him?" Rachel's tiredness made her question sound less eager than it would normally have been.  
  
"Do you think I should? I only want to do it if he's in the same place as me, I don't wanna be making a fool of myself!"  
  
"Monica, just do it, what have you got to lose?"  
  
"Eh, my dignity?" Monica replied sarcastically.  
  
"True, but I honestly don't think he's gonna reject you, do you?"  
  
"I don't know?" But I suppose there's only one way to find out."  
  
"Ok that's the spirit, you go declare your love and I'll try and get back to sleep," Rachel had her eyes shut and was already starting to drift off into a deep sleep.  
  
"Sorry for waking you, speak to you later, wish me luck!" Monica replaced the handset and took a deep breath. This was it; she was going to tell Chandler everything. How would he react? She wouldn't let herself think about the answer, if she started to analyse she knew she would manage to talk herself out of it.  
  
After a few more minutes of deliberation Monica rose from the bed and started her Journey to Chandler. Was that voices she could hear? No surely not, she shook her head. She continued to walk towards the stairs, but suddenly she wished she hadn't. A sight before her made her skin crawl and the blood drain from her. She desperately wanted to scream, but her lungs wouldn't allow it. Instead she turned on her heals and ran back to her room as quickly as she could, slamming the door behind her. She threw herself face down on the unmade bed and cried like her heart was breaking, "this wasn't how it was supposed to turn out," she sobbed, "How could he!"  
~*~  
Chandler tossed and turned in his sofa-come-bed. Every time he tried to sleep he thought of Monica upstairs alone, maybe being sick? What if she chocked? What if she was scared again? Should I go to her? He had no idea what to do; he didn't want to go wandering around his cousins' house in case he went into a room he wasn't supposed to. He decided to stay put for the time being and go check on Monica in an hour or two when it was a bit lighter. He turned onto his left side, facing the sofas back and nearly jumped out of his skin.  
  
"Nicola?! What are you doing?" He couldn't help but wonder what it was about him that made people want to stare at him sleeping. He pulled himself up into a sitting position and waited on Nicola answering him.  
  
Her staring made Chandler extremely uncomfortable. He wished she would just say something to break the awkward silence. Instead of talking she walked from behind the couch and tried to take a seat next to Chandler but his feet were blocking her from doing so. Seeing this he scrunched his legs up towards his chest to allow her to sit.  
  
"Are you awake Nicola? Are you sleep walking?" Chandler gave her a weird glance, trying to figure out the answer for himself. Nicola burst into quiet laughter. "I'm very much awake." "Oh good, cause you were scaring me then!" Chandler sighed with relief.  
  
Nicola didn't say anything again; she just continued to stare.  
  
"Ok, you're scaring me again," Chandler was trying to lighten the situation, but deep down he did feel a little frightened by her eeriness.  
  
His fear soon turned to caution as she leaned in closer to him, running her hand over the blanket he was under.  
  
"Chandler, I want you!" She spoke lustfully.  
  
"Wh- what? You're my cousins wife!" Chandlers fear was back as he realised her intentions.  
  
"You don't even know Stuart! Would it really hurt just this once?" An evil grin spread across her face causing Chandlers mind to race.  
  
Before he could answer she pounced on him, forcing her lips onto his, running her hands through his hair vigorously. For a few seconds Chandler responded but the sound of a door slamming jolted him back to reality. He pushed Nicola off of him as powerfully as he could without hurting her. "I can't do this Nicola, im sorry. This isn't about you, or Stuart. Im in love with someone else!"  
  
Nicola glared at him in a way that showed she wasn't going to take no for an answer.  
  
"Who?" She sneered.  
  
"Monica," Chandler couldn't believe he had just said that. He had never said he loved Monica outside his head before.  
  
"Yes, that's right, I love Monica," he repeated what he had said, proud that he had finally admitted it, and not just to himself.  
  
"Well I have news for you, your precious Monica doesn't feel the same way!" Nicola's tone of voice turned spiteful. "When I went to check on her and Stuart earlier, I found them in bed together! Does that sound like either of them love us?" She felt proud that she had managed to pull off the lie as she watched Chandlers smile vanish and tears materialize in his eyes.  
  
"You're lying!" Chandler stuttered, not wanting to believe what he had just heard.  
  
"Really? Well why don't you ask them? Nicola tried to call his bluff, knowing full well he would never do that.  
  
Nicola watched Chandler as his brain went into overdrive. "I'll leave you to think about that!" Nicola tickled Chandlers' knee with her fingernails and stood up, retiring to her bed.  
  
Not once did Chandler imagine Monica loved him back, but in his heart he still held a little bit of hope that one day she would see how good he was for her. After Nicola's revelation his hope had diminished. He still loved her so much, but slowly hatred for her crept through him, he didn't know how he was going to react to her when he saw her, but of one thing he was certain. He was going to have to put his feelings away for good and get over Monica. For the time being at least.  
~*~  
Ok this one was short but its all leading somewhere I promise :o) Next chapter (which will be up tonight) im going to focus on Rachel and Ross then ill be back to Phoebe and Joey. Be warned. its gonna be sad all round :o) Thank you all for the reviews again. Especially starfriend who is a loyal reviewer.luv ya xxxx :o) 


	16. Bombshell

Chapter 16  
  
I'm so sorry I didn't get this Chapter up last night as promised, but today is my Birthday, yayyyy, so ive been doing a lot of celebrating ;o) I think im going to have about another 5 chapters after this one, but im thinking about a "sequel" right now :o)  
~*~  
Monday was the most uncomfortable day anyone of the friends had ever encountered. Monica and Chandler had left Stuarts house as soon as they could after the "incident". They said their goodbyes and Chandler promised to keep in touch, but he knew he never would. He had found it hard enough to look his cousin in the eye that morning, never mind spending the rest of his life doing so.  
  
Chandler and Monica didn't speak all the way back to the hotel, neither had anything to say to each other, but neither knew why the other felt that way. All both knew was that they were mad, and a little sad into the bargain.  
  
When they got back both Rachel and Ross where still in bed. They crept around the room, trying their hardest not wake them, but the attempt was in vain as Ross appeared in the doorway. Chandler felt a little relieved by his friends presence, at least now he had someone to talk to.  
  
"Morning guys, your home early! Did you miss me?" Ross tried to make a joke but it died terribly. Monica and Chandler both looked at him in a non- responsive manner.  
  
"What happened to you?" He nodded towards Chandler. "I know she's got a hangover, but what's with your long face?"  
  
"I just didn't get much sleep, that's all," Chandler looked bewildered at Monica as she snorted at his answer and disappeared into her room.  
  
"That's one hell of a sorehead she's got!" Ross commented on Monica's moodiness.  
  
Chandler ignored him and entered his room, leaving Ross at a loss to the goings on. The whole day passed with the same bad atmosphere looming in the air. It was just lucky they were all leaving for home in less than 10 hours. Back to normality, or so they thought!  
~*~  
Joey was still lying curled up in foetal position on Monica and Rachel's sofa. He hadn't moved since he had fallen there the day before. His eyes were open, but he was so non-responsive it was hard to tell if he was awake or not. He stared unemotionally at Monica's coffee table, never once blinking or diverting his eyes. He had too much on his mind. Thoughts of Phoebe were plaguing his brain, like a bad nightmare, only in real time. The frustration was building in him like a bomb waiting to go off, and it was about to explode at any moment.  
  
Joey jumped from the sofa and kicked the coffee table across the room with all the force he could summon. He gazed fixedly at the upturned table and its contents strewn across the floor and burst into a high pitched wailing. He had never once in his life lost his temper the way he just had. He was always the calm and composed one of his friends and family, but now he didn't care about any of that. He wanted her back so badly he was willing to forsake anything. Losing Phoebe was like losing a limb, he didn't know how to live without it, but he had to adjust, he had no other option.  
~*~  
Phoebe had spent the last two days stuck in the apartment, alone, bored and very, very scared. She had begun to set off for the supermarket the day before, but as she reached the street fear arose in her causing her to have a panic attack. She could have sworn she was about to die, that's what it felt like at least. It had been one of the most terrifying experience's she had encountered. Well, excluding her attacks. She just wished Joey had been there to make it all better, but he wasn't. To top it all off she was feeling Ill, like she was about to get a cold. Her body ached and she felt nauseous. She didn't even know where her nearest doctors office was, let alone get there in one piece. Everything was going downhill, including her mood. Depression was hitting her like a whirlwind, dragging her down into a dark place. Could she possibly get out of it alone?  
~*~  
The phone was ringing out, and Ross could hear it, but in his sleep he couldn't summon the energy to lift the handset. After a few more rings and a lot of sleep-filled deliberation Ross jolted himself from the bed and answered. An American woman's voice rang in Ross' ears, sending shivers down his spine. "Phoebe?"  
  
"Good Morning Mr Gellar, this is your wake up call"  
  
Ross let his body de-tense. "Oh, yeah right, I forgot I ordered that!"  
  
"Will that be all Sir?" The woman asked.  
  
"Yeah, thanks" Ross hung up and lay back in bed, staring at the white artexed ceiling.  
  
He didn't know why he assumed so quickly the woman on the phone was Phoebe, but deep down he knew he wished it were her. In just a few hours they would all be back in New York and able to help Joey in his search. Ross had thought it strange he hadn't called yet to let the rest know what was happening. He took it as a bad sign, he knew if Joey had found Phoebe he would have been straight on the phone. He sighed and got out of bed, shut over the suitcase lid and went to wake the others. He was still in shock from the phone call, but that was nothing compared to the shock he was about to get at the airport!  
~*~  
"This is the final boarding call for flight BA717 to JFK, please check in at gate 14"  
  
"Guys get a move on! I refuse to be the last one on that plane!" Monica went off on her usual tirade.  
  
"Hold on Mon, my cell is ringing" Rachel dropped her bag and answered it much to everyone's disgust.  
  
Rachel walked away from the group so she could talk in private. She saw on the caller ID who was on the other end of the line and she didn't want anyone to hear her conversation.  
  
Split screen to show Marie too  
  
"Hi Marie, how are you?  
  
"Hi Rachel, I'm great, thank you for asking. Listen this is just a short call. I had a call from head office in Paris and one of the managing directors has taken ill during the night. We are going to have to bring you in sooner than first imagined."  
  
"oh my God how soon?" Rachel got a worried expression on her face.  
  
"Well that is the problem. We need you tomorrow at the latest. We have a ticket waiting at Glasgow International for you. The flight leaves in an hour. Im so sorry it's a bit of a bomb shell."  
  
Rachel was lost for words as Marie's last sentence ran though her mind. How the hell was she going to manage this?  
  
"Marie, im two seconds away from getting on a plane to America!" Rachel still wasn't sure if she was going to get on the flight yet.  
  
"Rachel you need to tell me now if you're taking this job. I have an A4 pad full of names that would jump at a chance like this." Marie's tone was turning into one that scared Rachel.  
  
"I'm in!" Rachel took a deep breath, realising what she had just agreed to.  
  
"Good, ill see you at Prada's head office in a few hours. Have a safe journey. Bye"  
  
Marie hung up the phone, leaving Rachel dumbfounded. What was she going to tell everyone? How would they take it? Rachel walked back to her waiting friends.  
  
"Guys I have something to tell you. I'm not going back to America with you!"  
~*~  
Keep reviewing, I really appreciate all my feed back :o) 


	17. Rejection

Chapter 17  
Disclaimer: This is where I tell you I don't own friends :o)  
  
Thanks Starfriend for wishing me a happy birthday, you're too cute :o)  
~*~  
Everyone stared at Rachel not believing their ears. What did she just say? She wasn't going home with them? No that couldn't be right they thought, but it was.  
  
"Ok Rach we know you don't like to fly, but isn't this taking the fear a bit too far?" Chandler didn't quite know what to say, so as usual made a joke.  
  
"Oh God, how do I say this?" Rachel looked to ceiling trying to find the words in her head, but before she could continue Monica cut her off.  
  
"You say it as quickly as possible, didn't you hear the message about our flight boarding?" Monica was evidently not in a good mood, which wasn't great news to Rachel.  
  
"I have been offered a job at Prada" Rachel started but was again interrupted, this time by Ross. "What? Prada in Britain?" He could feel the tears at the back of his eyes, but tried to hold them for as long as was possible. He hadn't heard all the facts yet so it was ok, maybe he wouldn't be losing her after all?  
  
"Not quite Ross, you see its in Paris" Everyone gasped, astounded at what she had just said.  
  
"P-Paris? That can't be right? How can you move to Paris? Your life is in New York, w-with," Ross paused "With me" He looked down at his feet, scared to see Rachel's reaction to what he had just said.  
  
"Ross that's sweet, but I really need to do this, for me. This isn't about anyone else. For the first time in my life im putting myself first. That may sound selfish to you, but what you have got to understand Ross is that this is an opportunity of a lifetime for me. Its managing director of the European fashion division for God's sake. Ive waited for a job like this since I was a little girl! I'm not going to throw it all away just because "My life is in New York" Please don't make this hard for me, "  
  
Rachel wanted to take a leaf from Phoebe's book and just runaway from this whole confrontation. She didn't want to hear what everyone's opinions on her leaving were, it was going to hurt her to see them hurting, but this wasn't how she intended it. Didn't they realise that?  
  
"SELFISH? You bet your ass it's selfish! This isn't about you getting a new job, or moving to a whole other country. This is about you leaving it to the last minute to tell us! I'm your best friend Rachel, what was the difficulty with you discussing it with me? Are my opinions not good enough for you? Or are you just so damn above yourself you think no one else matters?" Monica's rage took over her as she screamed at Rachel. The crowds of people around them stopped what they were doing to stare at the arguing women.  
  
"Monica I tried to tell you all several times but things got in the way, like trips to London, Pheebs disappearing, and you getting so drunk you passed out!"  
  
"That's right, everything is everyone else's fault Rach, never yours!" Monica retaliated.  
  
"Everyone boarding the flight BA717 please check in now. The gates will close in 10 minutes" Everyone listened to the message.  
  
"Well I hate to break up this little party, but we have to get back to America, we have a Real friend to find. Or had you forgotten about her? You know what don't even answer that, because if you cared this wouldn't even be an issue."  
  
Monica turned away from Rachel and walked towards the check in, still fuming. Rachel tried to call her, but got no response.  
  
"Rachel please don't do this. I can't lose two friends in the one week, please, im begging you don't leave me. I need you! I love you!" Ross bent down on one knee and took Rachel's hand. "Rachel Karen Greene," he started but Rachel stopped him. "Ross don't do this, you embarrassing yourself" She looked around her to the crowd watching, but he ignored her comment and continued.  
  
"Rachel Karen Greene, will you marry me and make me the happiest man on earth?"  
~*~  
Joey had been sitting on a bench in central park for the last 3 hours, watching the world float by him. The only time he as much as flinched was when he saw a blonde woman pass him. No one sat down next to him, and you couldn't really blame them. Joey hadn't showered or shaved in the last 4 days, leaving him looking like a park tramp. He rolled a Yale key between his fingers, staring at it intently. It was the key to Phoebe's apartment. She had given him her spare when she had gone to visit her birth mom in Montauk for the weekend. He was supposed to go around and water her plants, but he had forgotten and by the time she got back they were all dead. Joey remembered how upset she had been and how he only apologised once before she forgave him. But that was just her, she had such a big heart and kind nature. It was impossible for her to stay mad at someone for longer than 10 minutes. A sad smile formed on his face. That was when times were good.  
~*~  
"Ms Buffay? The Doctor is ready to see you now." Phoebe followed the middle-aged nurse into a little room at the end of a well-lit corridor. "Just take a seat outside the door and the Doctor will come for you in a minute." The nurse walked back to the reception leaving Phoebe to gather her thoughts.  
  
It was almost a week since she had began to feel unwell and decided it was best she got checked out. She had gone to the American Consulate that morning and requested the address of a Doctors Surgery, of which they were more than happy to help her with. And now here she was.  
  
Phoebe looked up at the sound of footsteps approaching her. "Ms Buffay? 'Allo I am Dr. Gerard. Please follow me" he spoke in a very distinct French accent, but his English was impeccable.  
  
Phoebe took a seat across the table from the Dr. and waited until he had settled himself.  
  
"So Miss Buffay, how can I help you?"  
  
"I haven't been feeling too great lately. I feel really achy and sore. And I've been feeling nauseous and a little dizzy. I don't think it's serious? Maybe just flu, but id rather you checked me out." The Dr. gave Phoebe a smile. "It does sound like flu' but im going to get the nurse to take a few blood tests just to make sure. Better to be safe than sorry."  
  
He pressed the intercom button on his telephone. "I need a nurse please to take a blood sample." "Okay Dr. Gerard. One moment."  
  
"Just take a seat back outside and the nurse will take you to the Phlebotomy room. I will see you back here in an hour."  
  
Within 5 minutes of the Dr leaving her Phoebe had all her samples taken. The nurse placed a plaster over the bleeding wound in her arm and pulled her sleeve back down.  
  
"That's you all done. Why don't you go to the Café next door and get yourself a coffee. You have an hour to waste. May as well make the most of it!" Phoebe nodded and left the surgery. She headed towards the coffee shop with an uneasy feeling in her stomach. She hated waiting on results, even if she had nothing to worry about. Or did she?  
~*~  
Rachel pulled her hand out of Ross' grip and kneeled down next to him. She grabbed his face in her hands and stared intently into his eyes.  
  
"Ross I can't marry you. I have to get on this flight and go to France. I'm so sorry. So very sorry" Her eyes dripped with sorrow and regret. She loved Ross so much, but she couldn't do this, not now. Too much water had passed under the bridge for her to accept his proposal, as much as she wanted to she just couldn't.  
  
She stood back onto her feet and lifted her case. She took one last look at Chandler and then back at Ross who was still on the ground.  
  
She turned around and walked towards her check in desk, never once looking back.  
  
"RACHEL I LOVE YOU!" Ross shouted to her hoping she would turn back and run back into his arms. But she didn't. She just kept walking, until she disappeared out of sight.  
  
Ross put his head in his hands and sobbed like he was a baby. Chandler knelt beside his best friend and rubbed his back gently in the hope of comforting him.  
  
"I've lost her forever!" He bawled. Chandler couldn't think of anything to say. He knew Ross was right.  
~*~  
Joey looked around the room he was standing in. It was so untouched looking it made his heart ache. He took a large inhalation of breath and became aware of the pungent aroma of incense still lingering in the air.  
  
The red flashing light on the answer phone drew Joey's attention. He placed his hand down and pressed the play button.  
  
"Hi Pheebs its Rachel. Im taking you not answering the phone as a sign you have already left. Thank God! Monica is losing it here thinking you're late."  
  
Joey allowed himself to laugh for just a second, but the second message caused him to recoil.  
  
"Phoebe its Emily. I haven't heard from you yet, so if by some chance you hear this message call me and let me know your ok. Im worried about you. Speak to you soon I hope."  
  
The answer phone clicked and began to rewind.  
  
"End of messages" The robotic voice spoke.  
  
Joey stood dumbfounded. What was Emily doing calling? And why was she so worried? He had to find out.  
~*~  
"Ah, Ms Buffay, you're a little early but please take a seat. We wont be a moment"  
  
The nurse lifted the handset of her phone and pressed 1 on the dial.  
  
"Ms Buffay is here for her test results Dr." She paused as she listened to what he had to say. "Ok."  
  
The Doctor says you've just to go in.  
  
Phoebe was surprised at the quickness and efficiency she was given but didn't question it.  
  
Phoebe chapped the large wooden door and opened it. She remained in the door waiting to be told to sit.  
  
"Phoebe, May I call you that?" Dr. Gerard asked and she nodded to let him know it was fine. "Phoebe, we got the results back and they have tested negative for all viral infections." Phoebe sighed in relief, but it was cut short. "Its something a bit more serious. I think you had better take a seat"  
~*~  
  
Keep the reviews coming guys :o) 


	18. Reunited?

Chapter 18  
Disclaimer: I don't own friends or anything related to it :o(Does anyone ever read these? :o)  
  
Thanks for the fab reviews everyone.especially Starfriend, Vanessa and Vixie :o) xxxx  
~*~  
Friday 22nd of April - From that day everything changed. Nothing and no one would ever be the same again.  
Monica and Chandler could hardly bring themselves to speak to each other, and when they did it was so uncomfortable they usually didn't continue past hellos and goodbyes.  
  
Joey turned into a bigger slut than he was before in a feeble attempt to get over Phoebe. He had tried to follow up Emily's call to Phoebe's apartment, but when he called her London house he was told she had since moved. It must have been a big understanding? His heart broke for months before he would allow himself to look at another woman, let alone touch one. But that all changed after Gemma came on the scene.  
  
Monica took a new job at a hip happening new restaurant called Javu pretty soon after she got back to the states. But it was no compensation for losing three of her best friends. She was lonely and depressed. She longed for the day Chandler and her would talk like they used to. Would that day ever come?  
  
Chandler had been on succession of dates with hot women in the last 5 months, but since they were all ex's of Joeys it wasn't surprising none of them ever got passed the second date. It saddened him to think Monica would never be the one he would marry and settle down with like the way he imagined it so many times. But he couldn't let it get him down; Monica had betrayed him and he didn't think he could find it in himself to forgive her. Or could he?  
  
Ross was an emotional wreck! Rachel's rejection had almost killed him inside, leaving him feeling numb and unlovable. He had called in sick to work on the Monday he was due back and hadn't returned since. He was too depressed; dinosaurs were the last things in the world he cared about. Without Rachel nothing else mattered. He discarded every single thing that reminded him of Rachel, photos, clothes, and gifts. Everything that was, apart from one picture that was taken in central perk. It was when they had just started dating, she was sitting on his knee and they looked so happy. He never let that photograph out of his sight; he kept it close to him always and forever.  
  
Rachel spent nearly every waking hour she had locked in her office, trapped with a mountain of work to complete, and it never seemed to clear, always getting bigger by the day. The job turned out to be nothing like she expected. There was very little fashion involved, her day was spent in meeting and conferences. Giving presentations and sorting accounts. None of which she was remotely interested in. She knew the money was fabulous and she had a penthouse apartment overlooking the seine river but somehow she was still miserable. She had no new friends, no one to talk to outside of work. She wanted so badly to go home, but it wasn't that simple.  
  
Phoebe took the Drs news with complete shock. How was she ever going to cope? She tried with all her might to find a good paying job to support herself and her medical bills, but the language barrier and lack of references proved to be a huge problem. No one would employ her, and she couldn't really blame them. She hadn't eaten properly in weeks, just bits of bread and cheese when she could get it. She knew it wasn't good for her or her health, but she had no other option, other than going home, and that was never going to happen as far as she was concerned. She would just have to keep going for interviews until she found something.  
~*~  
Rachel sat in her office staring glumly at the huge pile of paperwork that her assistant had just dumped on her desk. She desperately wanted to cry in frustration but knew that wouldn't get the work cleared. On top of it all she had to find a replacement for her secretary today. Amanda was going on maternity leave for 6 months, so a temp had to be brought in to cover her work. Rachel wasn't looking forward to the whole interview process, but she expected it would be more fun than adding up September's accounts.  
  
She walked to her office door and called out to Amanda. "Is my 1230 appointment here yet?" Rachel enquired.  
  
"Yes, she just filing out the application form. She didn't have a pen at home to do it." The secretary screwed up her face and whispered to Rachel "What kind of person can't afford a pen?"  
  
"Maybe she does have a pen, it could have ran out of ink!" Rachel jumped to the strangers defence before closing her door back over.  
  
"This is going to be a very long day!" She sighed.  
~*~  
Monica took a deep breath and raised her hand to chap the door to the apartment across from hers. The door opened within seconds and an amazed Chandler recoiled backwards.  
  
"Monica?" He had no idea why she was here. It had been the first time in months she had came to see him.  
  
"Hi Chandler, listen im arranging a meal for everyone on Saturday night. I thought it would be nice for us to get together again. I miss being hostess." A little smile spread over her face.  
  
"I can definitely make it, and ill ask Joey if he can too when gets back from Gemma's."  
  
"Those two are still going strong huh?" Monica was surprised she was still able to keep taking to Chandler. and it didn't feel at all scary.  
  
"Yeah, its amazing. I think he really likes her. But with Joey who knows?"  
  
"Have you met her yet?" Monica was curious to find it all the info' about Joeys new Girlfriend.  
  
"No, Joey doesn't talk about her much either so I don't know what she's like."  
  
"Ask him to invite her to dinner then." Monica sounded too over enthusiastic.  
  
"Ok, I will do. Well it was nice to talk to you again Mon. I'll look forward to Saturday" And with that he closed the door over. He stood with his back to it and smiled. He surprised himself at how happy he felt. Maybe after this things could return to normal? He hoped so.  
  
Monica managed to get into the house before she burst into tears. She had denied her feelings for 5 months, but it was finally time she was honest with herself. She missed him, she loved him, and she wanted him. That kiss had clearly been a mistake, after all Chandler hadn't been in contact with his Cousin or his wife since they returned. At least that she knew of. Maybe she still had a chance? She would try and find out where she stood with him on Saturday.  
~*~  
"Come in!" Rachel tried to shout loud enough for the person on the other end of the door to hear her. The door swung open and a very pregnant Amanda entered Rachel's office.  
  
"Rachel your interviewee has finished her application. Would you like me to send her in?"  
  
Rachel placed down her pen and shut over a brown paper folder that she was writing in.  
  
"Give me a few minutes to tidy my desk then send her in. Thanks Mandy"  
  
Rachel waited until she had left and began chucking every un-needed item from her desk into any spare drawer or filing cabinet she could find. Her office was in disarray and the last thing she wanted was to cause a bad impression to someone who could possibly become her new assistant. If she got the job she would have 6 months to learn about her messiness, but first she had to clean.  
  
She tossed the last folder into the drawer and slammed it tightly shut, glad that that part of cleaning was finished. She was just about to rearrange her stationary when her door opened Rachel stood to feet and pushed her chair back.  
  
"Ms Greene, this is your 12:30."  
  
Amanda moved to the right and a familiar face emerged behind her causing Rachel's legs to buckle. She felt her back hit her black leather chair on the way down as her world went black.  
  
Phoebe ran from the office, while Amanda ran to aide of her boss. Rachel regained consciousness quickly but her confusion remained.  
  
"Whe-where is that woman?" Rachel looked around her empty room trying to see where Phoebe had gone, wondering if she had imagined it all.  
  
"She ran away when you fainted" Amanda looked puzzled but was frightened to probe Rachel on the goings-on. Rachel jumped to a standing position and ignored the pains aching in her body from the fall. "You have to help me find her!"  
~*~  
  
Keep reviewing it helps me write better :P xxxx 


	19. surprise!

Chapter 19  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends. Zzzzzzz  
~*~  
Phoebes mind whirled as she sprinted down the busy Paris street, running faster than her legs would carry her. She could hardly believe what or rather who she had seen only moments before. Was it really Rachel? What was she doing in France? It had to have been her, but how?  
  
Phoebe narrowly missed falling over a little boy who had let go of his mothers' hand. She decided she had better slow down; she couldn't risk hurting herself, and the stress wasn't doing her any good either.  
  
She paused for a moment and looked behind her. There was no sign of Rachel or anyone else she recognised. She let the breath go back into her lungs and walked at a steady pace back to her apartment, stopping occasional to check she wasn't being followed.  
  
It took her another 20-minute walk until she was home safe. Or at least so she thought. She barely had her key in the door when a hand touched her on the shoulder. She spun around and this time it was her that fainted.  
~*~  
Monica paced the floor of her kitchen, desperately fumbling in her cupboards in search of food she could use to cook for the meal on Saturday night.  
  
"This is useless!" She slammed the fridge door shut. "I have nothing! I need this to be special!" She grabbed her purse from the couch and set off to do some grocery shopping.  
  
Just as she exited the door she heard another door open and Joey appeared.  
  
"Hi Joe, how you doing? Did Chandler tell you about Saturday night?"  
  
Joey looked down at his shoes uncomfortably.  
  
"Yeah, he mentioned it, but I don't think im going to make it." He shifted around in the same spot, not wanting to meet Monica's eye.  
  
"Aw, why?" Monica looked genuinely disappointed.  
  
"Im seeing -" Joey went to say another name and stopped himself. "Gemma,"  
  
Monica didn't notice his near mistake.  
  
"I told Chandler to tell you to bring her!" She was practically begging Joey now.  
  
"Um, I don't know? I don't think she's ready to meet all my friends yet. She's shy." Joey tried to come up with a better excuse but that was all he could think of to say. There was no way he could bring "Gemma" to Monica's. It would take too much explaining!  
  
"Joey please? Im trying to get everyone back together! I really want this to be a special night, and it wont be special without you." Monica pleaded as best she could.  
  
"Ok Mon, if it means that much to you, but I don't think Gemma will be there." Joey finally gave in.  
  
"As long as you are there, that's all that matters." Monica's face lit up, happy that her powers of persuasion hadn't let her down.  
  
Monica and Joey descended the stairway and walked out into the quiet street in silence. As they parted ways Monica noticed Joey wasn't his normal self. Something was on his mind and she wanted to know what it was. She knew from speaking to Ross that Joey had been seeing a councillor because of his break down 5 months ago, but as far as everyone was concerned he was much better and coping better than he had back then. Was he still depressed? Or was he hiding something?  
~*~  
Ross watched that afternoon's episode of Oprah. He was getting to be quite the expert on woman's issues.  
  
"I could give that Dr Phil a run for his money!" he screeched at the TV.  
  
Watching television was all Ross seemed to do with his day ever since he had taken a break from work. It wasn't fulfilling him to spend his time like this, but what else did he have? In his eyes he had nothing.  
  
Monica had helped him so much since Rachel left. He was positive if it hadn't been for her he would have ended up like Joey with a nervous collapse.  
  
Every day got a little better for him, but there was still such a big part of his heart missing it stopped a full recovery. But maybe one day that would heal?  
  
Ross' attention was drawn away from the TV as a loud knock came from his front door. He removed the blanket covering him and went to answer it. Monica stood in front him, laden down with shopping bags.  
  
"Don't just stand there, give me a hand!" Monica felt like her arms were being ripped from the sockets as Ross desperately tried to relieve her of the weight.  
  
He sat the bags down on the floor and shut the door over. Monica shook her hands back and forth trying to get the circulation working again in her swollen fingers. She took a seat where Ross had previously been and sighed with relief.  
  
"I think I bought the whole damn store then!" Ross gave a sarcastic grunt to Monica's statement. "You think?"  
  
Monica ignored him and started a different subject.  
  
"So did you get my message about dinner on Saturday?"  
"Yeah, I think it's a great idea. It will be just liked old times." The minute he said it he wished he hadn't. It wasn't going to be like old times at all. Phoebe and Rachel wouldn't be there, so how could it be anywhere near similar? Monica picked up on Ross' faux pas and again chose to ignore him.  
  
"So are you coming then?  
  
"Of course. I wouldn't miss it for the world!" Ross seemed enthusiastic.  
  
"Ok then, good. Right, help me over to the apartment with the shopping!" Monica stood back up and lifted a few backs, leaving the rest for Ross.  
  
Saturday was going to be a great night. At least for a while!  
~*~  
Phoebe picked herself up from the hall floor and rested her hand on the doorknob to steady her. She looked the person standing in front of her up and down, taking in everything. "Rachel?" She sobbed, half sad and half relieved.  
  
Rachel looked mad but her face changed when she saw Phoebe's tears.  
  
"I missed you so much!" Rachel pulled her best friend into a tight embrace; scared she would run again.  
  
"I've missed you too, more than you will ever know!" Phoebe continued to howl uncontrollably. It was like a sudden release of emotions she had been bottling up for months, maybe even years.  
  
The two separated and studied each other intently. Rachel held Phoebes hands and pulled back to get a better look at her. As her eyes drifted southwards she gasped and shrieked.  
  
"Phoebe! You're pregnant! How? When?"  
  
This was the moment Phoebe had been most dreading. That's why she had run from Rachel's office. She could have handled seeing her friend again and explaining her disappearance, but this would take a whole lot more than explaining.  
~*~  
I'm sorry for leaving it here but I need to, to make the next bit tie in :o) I love all the reviews so far, keep it up hehe Vixie your like a mini detective, I love it lol All I will say is your on the right track ;o) 


	20. Catching up

Chapter 20  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends.  
~*~  
Phoebe stared at Rachel, lost for words. Rachel wanted answers and she didn't know where to begin.  
  
"Why don't you come in and ill tell you everything." Phoebe cautiously let Rachel into her apartment and showed her to the couch. Rachel removed her jacket and settled down to get comfortable.  
  
Phoebe pulled a chair over to where Rachel was sitting so she could look her in the eye while she told her everything.  
  
There was silence as Phoebe went over the story in her head. She took a deep breath and began.  
  
"It all started after Joey took me back to the hotel.."  
  
~*~  
Joey redialled the number. Why wasn't she answering? That was the second day he had tried to get in contact with her and she hadn't been home. Was she screening her calls and didn't want to talk to him? No, that couldn't be the reason. She said she loved him. Why would she ignore him? She must just be busy.  
  
Joey placed the phone back down and sighed dejectedly. "I'll try again later" He told himself and walked out of the apartment to go visit Monica.  
  
"Hey Mon how's the plans for Saturday going?" Monica stopped what she was doing and went to take a seat with her friend.  
  
"Yeah pretty good, ive got the shopping in so that's half the battle." Joey just nodded.  
  
"What's wrong Joe?" Monica looked concerned about him; he wasn't acting like his normal self.  
  
"Huh? Oh right, no, nothing, hmm, just, im fine." Joey didn't know if he should tell Monica what was on his mind, but he knew it probably wasn't the best thing to do.  
  
"You know the girl im seeing? Well I can't get a hold of her.. I'm kinda worried about her, but I just think she's avoiding me."  
  
"Awww, I'm sure she's just been busy, I wouldn't worry about it until you know all the facts. Give her a couple of days and then confront her, but don't do anything hasty until then!" Monica felt sorry for Joey; she knew how it felt to be rejected by someone you loved.  
  
"Thanks Mon, I appreciate the advice," Joey smiled and got up to leave. He was going to try and call her again, he just hoped she answered this time and put his mind at rest. But she didn't..  
~*~  
"I can't believe you slept with Joey! You're having his baby! Oh my God this is like too much to take in. Phoebe honey why did you not go back to the states when you found out? Joey has a right to know he has a child growing inside of you!"  
  
Phoebe had thought about that over and over, the guilt crushing her, but hearing it from Rachel made her feel even worse about herself.  
  
"Rachel I have no money! I can't even afford to eat never mind get a $2000 flight!" Phoebe burst into tears, half feeling sorry for herself and half in remorse for everything she had done.  
  
"I'm such a bad person. Ive hurt my best friends, ive taken Joeys baby away from him and im hurting our baby because im not able to give it what it needs. I would be better off not here." Her sobbing sounded painful.  
  
"Phoebe Buffay don't you dare speak like that! Ok so everything you have done isn't great, but hey we all make mistakes. Ive forgiven you! And I know the others will! Phoebe please come home with me?"  
  
Phoebe looked up at Rachel unable to take in what she had just said.  
  
"What? Why? Why do you want to go home?" She sounded scared at the prospect of Rachel trying to persuade her to go back to New York.  
  
"I'm not happy here. I miss my friends and I miss America. I don't care about work anymore. I made a mistake by taking this job, I just wish I had realised that friends mean more than anything else in the world before I left." Rachel felt so guilty too, and miserable into the bargain, but she was wary not to let herself break down. Phoebe needed her right now and she was going to give her all the support she could, she had to be strong.  
  
"Rachel I can't go. How can I go back to my friends when they hate me? I have nothing in America anymore. I have to stay here and make a life for myself" Phoebe clearly wasn't thinking things through.  
  
"How can you be so stupid? Phoebe no one is going to hate you! Trust me on that. They are going to be so relieved you are safe they wont care what you've done. And Joey has to know he's going to be a dad. You owe it to everyone to do this!"  
  
"Its ok for you, everyone likes you!" Phoebe snapped back, unaware of Rachel's own situation.  
  
"Are you kidding? I haven't spoken to anyone in nearly 6 months! Im the one they hate!"  
  
Phoebe couldn't understand what Rachel meant. She hadn't asked her why she was in France yet, but by she knew from she had just said she couldn't have left on good terms either.  
  
"6 Months? What the hell happened?" Phoebe was dumbfounded.  
  
Now it was Rachel's turn to explain everything.  
  
"My boss had heard about the managing director job at Prada and thought I would be great for it, but at that time it was based in Manhattan so she persuaded me to apply. It totally went out of my head until I got a call before we left for London. It was the head of Prada America and she told me the position in New York was no longer required, but she wanted me for Paris. I was so shocked I told her I would take it, but that was before I realised what I would be sacrificing. I didn't honestly think I would go through with it, but it was actually all down to you I did."  
  
"Me? Why?" Phoebe was baffled.  
  
"What you told me about your past in London shook me beyond belief. It made me sit up and think about things. You came through so much and survived! It made me realise that life is so short and you have to grab at every opportunity that you get. I couldn't pass up on an offer like that so here I am."  
  
"Ok, but why aren't the rest speaking to you now?"  
  
"Because I was a jackass about it all," Rachel shook her head remorsefully, thinking over that day at the airport.  
  
"I didn't tell anyone about it, thinking I had a week or two to break it to everyone. But Marie my boss called to say I had to leave immediately, which put a stop on my plans. I basically left 5 minutes after I told everyone. Monica stormed off, Ross proposed and Chandler looked at me in disgust for hurting his two best friends. I didn't have the guts to call anyone when I got here, and no one called me, so that's where the story ends." Rachel felt just as bad as Phoebe did. She knew she hadn't been a good friend, and she wanted to rectify the situation, she just didn't know how.  
  
"I can't believe Ross proposed!" Phoebe had stopped crying now and just looked flabbergasted  
  
"Neither could I. But you know what? I wish I had accepted. I love him Pheebs, I always have." A small tear fell from her eye as she realised what she had lost.  
  
Phoebe moved to the couch and cuddled Rachel securely. She knew exactly how she was feeling inside, both in need comfort.  
  
The two hugged each other, both crying for what they had lost. They relished in the comfort for what seemed like ever, until Phoebe broke the embrace and spoke.  
  
"I'm going home with you."  
~*~  
Im sorry this chapter was dragging on but it had to be done. Now it's down to the good stuff ;o)  
  
I will try my best to get chapter 21 up in a few hours, so look out for it :o) 


	21. Mistaken Identity's

Chapter 21  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Friends.  
~*~  
Phoebe looked at the TV screen in front of her. It showed a map of the ocean and the route the plane was taking. It was more than half way there already, just 3 more hours and she would be back in the states. Her stomach shook with nerves. She was in a world of her own, still not able to believe what she was doing and the consequences if things went wrong. Like everything in the past 6 months it had just hit her, she had no control over her life anymore, or at least that's how it seemed. To Phoebe it was like Fate was taking over, and it petrified her. She wanted back in control, but it wasn't going to be that easy. Not for a while at least.  
  
She watched a peacefully sleeping Rachel and wondered had she made a mistake by getting on the flight. Only time would tell.  
~*~  
Monica was busy in her kitchen cooking for tonight's dinner, getting herself worked up in the process. The stress was written all over face as she bashed and knocked pots and pans around.  
  
She wanted her meal to go without a hitch, she was adamant there would be no problems tonight if she could help it. But so far things weren't going great. She prayed this wasn't how the whole evening was going to go.  
  
She had managed to burn the sauce while her mom called her to tell her some idiotic story about the boy next door and how there was "just something about him" she didn't like. Monica got so mad she slammed the phone down on her, vowing to apologise in the morning.  
  
She started a new batch of sauce and went to the freezer to take the meat out. She reached out to pull the handle, but the freezer door was already slightly ajar.  
  
"Oh no!" Monica throw the door open wider and opened the drawer. A rush of water poured out onto the floor.  
  
She slammed the door back over and threw her back against it, tears of frustration streaming her face.  
  
Ross entering saw his sister in a state and ran to her aide.  
  
"Mon, are you ok?"  
  
"The sauce is ruined, the meat is ruined and the night is gonna be ruined too"  
  
"Awww Mon it's going to be ok. No one is gonna care. In fact I think we would all prefer pizza to you cooking anyway," Ross tried to make Monica smile and it worked. She playfully hit him and pushed him away.  
  
"Hey that's better" He loved his sister so much, he hated seeing her sad. She hadn't been happy since London and it showed. She wasn't the Monica everyone knew and loved. In fact come to think of it no one was the same. They were all a pitiful sight to look at.  
~*~  
  
Chandler had spent the entire morning picking out what clothes he was going to wear that evening, but 5 hours later he was still trying to decide.  
  
"Isn't it only women who do this kind of thing? Why the hell am I so worked up about a night in at Monica's? Its only a meal, a few drinks and chatting." He paused and searched through his wardrobe one last time. "Casual, definitely casual!" He picked out one of his sweater vests and a pair of khaki trousers. "That'll do nicely"  
  
He peered out of his bedroom door and looked at a miserable Joey who was sitting on his barcalounger staring at a blank TV screen.  
  
"Come on smirky, get a move on, we're due at Monica's in like an hour. You know she hates people being tardy."  
  
Joey grumbled something and Chandler rolled his eyes, wishing he would snap out of his depressions quickly, he didn't want his long face to ruin the evening.  
  
~*~  
"Phoebe come on!" Rachel wanted to be first through immigration so she could get to her luggage first.  
  
"I'm pregnant, I can't run as fast as you!" Phoebe tried to shout loud enough for her friend, who was 10 feet in front of her to hear.  
  
Phoebe picked up her pace without running, holding her swollen stomach in a protective manner.  
  
Although she nearly six months gone her bump was tiny. Phoebe had tried not to fret about it, putting her smallness down to her having lost weight. She didn't have anything to worry about, did she?  
  
The girls soon had their luggage back. Seeing Phoebe struggle with her cases made Rachel decide to hire a rental car. It would relieve some of the strain for both of them as neither could handle the weight.  
While waiting for the valet to bring the car around, Phoebe and Rachel sat on the wall and discussed what their plans were after this.  
  
"I don't know if I should go see Monica or Ross first? I really owe both of them a huge apology. I think I would be better off seeing Mon first actually. What do you think?" Rachel studied Phoebe for reaction, but got nothing. She hadn't even listened to a word Rachel had just said, she had too much on her mind. Like how to tell Joey she was having his baby.  
  
"I want to go see Joey right away!" Phoebe made her statement with defined confidence. She knew the sooner she spoke to him the sooner she could settle down and enjoy her pregnancy, which she wasn't doing right now.  
  
"Pheebs are you sure? Have you really thought it through?" Rachel was stunned that her friend who only hours ago adamant she wasn't going home, was now being so brave.  
  
"Its all I've thought about since I found out. I have no clue what im going to say, but I know what needs to be said. I can't leave it any longer Rach,"  
  
Rachel nodded, fully supportive of her friends' decision, but still slightly shocked.  
  
Before they could discuss anything further there car drove up. The valet placed their cases securely in the trunk and handed Rachel the keys.  
  
"Have a safe journey Miss."  
~*~  
Chandler had been in the bathroom pampering himself for 40 minutes. He had showered and was now dressing, making sure he looked perfect. He felt like he was going on a date with the amount of effort he was putting in on his appearance. He also felt extremely stupid about it. "Its only Monica!" He told himself for the twentieth time that day, trying desperately to convince himself that he no ulterior motive for his vainness.  
  
As he exited the bathroom he noticed Joey was still slumped in his chair staring into nothingness.  
  
"Joey did you not hear me before? We are due at Monica's right now! Come on, shake a leg."  
  
"You go over, I'll be there soon, there's a few things I need to sort out first" Joey looked deep in thought, the strain of it all showing on his face.  
  
"Ok buddy, see you soon" Chandler walked to Monica's feeling gravely concerned for Joey. He seemed to be falling back into the depression that clung to him so severely 5 months ago. He prayed he would snap out of it before it was too late.  
Rachel stopped the car outside of Central Perk and pulled the hand break on.  
  
She followed Phoebe's gaze to the window, watching people drinking their coffees, chatting casually on the orange sofa. How she longed for that to be her with her 5 friends, the way it had been so long ago.  
  
"Phoebe do you still want to do this?" Rachel asked quietly and watched Phoebe nod her head in agreement.  
  
"Will you stay here?"  
  
"Of course I will honey, ill be right here in the car when you get back!" Rachel leaned over and touched Phoebes bump.  
  
"Good luck sweetie."  
  
Phoebe opened the car door and headed towards the apartment that she had once visited every day and climbed the stairs hesitantly. She covered her pregnant belly with her handbag, wanting to inform Joey before he figured it out for himself.  
~*~  
"This is Joey. Listen, I know you are ignoring me and I just want to tell you its ok, I understand. It's too complicated. Neither of us knows what we want, especially me. I'm messed up. Anyway if you want to talk about it you know how to reach me." Joey hung up the phone just as there was a chap at his door.  
  
He walked towards it slowly, not really wanting to answer it, but knowing he had to.  
  
Phoebe gasped as she saw him.  
  
"Oh my God!" Joey gasped too.  
  
"Ursula! You missed me after all? Oh baby."  
~*~  
To be continued soon ;o) Please let me know if u liked this Chapter. :o) 


	22. Help!

Chapter 22  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends and I am in no way affiliated with Bright, Kauffman, Crane Productions.  
~*~  
Phoebe felt sickness rise in her, as she realised that Joey had mistaken her for her estranged sister. Why would he make such a mistake?  
  
She felt her body edge back towards the stairs and her legs begin to pick up speed.  
  
"Ursula, wait! Please we need to talk!" Joey screamed in desperation, but "Ursula" ignored him. Joey didn't have the energy to chase her; he had now resigned himself to the fact it was over between them. That was the final straw.  
  
Within seconds Phoebe was back at the car. She practically threw herself inside much to the shock of Rachel.  
  
"Take me to Ursula's. NOW!"  
  
Rachel didn't question her; she just drove.  
~*~  
The minute Rachel halted the car outside of Ursula's apartment Phoebe sprinted outside.  
  
"Phoebe wait up!" Rachel screamed from the car, desperately trying to unbuckle her seatbelt to catch up with her frantic friend.  
  
Phoebe wasn't supposed to be running in her condition, but she darted up the stairs like a mad woman, desperate to confront her twin. She wasted no time in battering the door. She didn't let up the continual banging until it was answered.  
  
"Oh, the wanderer returns I see," Ursula mocked her sister cruelly.  
  
Phoebe barged past her, and let herself into the apartment and a breathless Rachel wasn't far behind her.  
  
"What exactly do you want? I have nothing to say to you!" Ursula sounded spiteful.  
  
"What the hell where you playing at dating Joey? You didn't want him the first time you dated, so what changed? Can't you just leave people to be happy?"  
  
"Happy? You think Joey was happy? Phoebe your dearest Joey tried to fling himself off his buildings roof because he missed you so much! Him and me dating was just a bit of fun, well on my part at least! Don't you think I know he only wanted me because im the mirror image of you?"  
What Ursula had just said was too much for Phoebe and Rachel to take in, but both focused on different sentences.  
  
"Joey tried to kill himself?" Rachel gasped.  
  
"Apparently, but he didn't. Maybe he realised Phoebe wasn't worth dying over! Chandler stopped him just in time, lucky for you Pheebs!" Ursula kept up her evil tone, bringing Phoebe to floods of tears.  
  
"What if he had died, Rachel, it would have been all my fault." Her tears grew into painful wails. Her shoulders heaving up and down in rhythmic motion to her sobs.  
  
"I miss him so much. I feel like im dying inside without him!" Rachel ran to her friend and grasped her tightly in her arms, rocking her back and forth.  
  
"We will sort it out don't you worry. Shh.. It's going to be ok." Rachel tried her best to comfort Phoebe but her heart wrenching howling was unrelenting.  
  
Phoebe's tears stopped abruptly as she let out a blood-curdling scream.  
  
Rachel pulled away from her and looked down to see Phoebe collapse in a pool of her own blood.  
~*~  
Joey entered Monica's apartment 20 minutes late to 3 scowls from his friends.  
  
"I broke up with Gemma," Joey sighed causing the group to lose their scornful expressions and turn it into one of pity.  
  
"Oh man im sorry," all three echoed.  
  
"No, its ok. I have been thinking about it all day and I realised I was in the relationship for all the wrong reasons. I never really loved her, I just wanted one thing from her."  
  
Everyone instinctively thought he meant all he wanted was sex, but Joey knew differently.  
  
After 2 months of therapy Joey had realised he had to move on. His pining for Phoebe was ruining him, and he wanted to get himself better in case she ever returned. He didn't want to be half dead inside.  
  
On his last day of counselling he had gone to visit Ursula to get the story of Phoebes past straight in his head, just as his shrink had advised him to do. She had mentioned something about closure, but then she didn't know it was her twin!  
  
Ursula welcomed him into her home with open arms, and was just as welcoming in the bedroom.  
  
As they both had sex that night, Joey stared straight into her eyes, never once looking away, imaging it were Phoebe he was making love to, holding, caressing. Her gentle touch on his skin. But it wasn't, it was just a lame substitute. He wanted to break away, leave, but the temptation was just too great. It was just like having Phoebe back in his arms. And so the obsession started. He started to become terrified of letting Ursula out of his sight; scared she would be taken away from him, just like Phoebe. He knew she wasn't in the least bit interested in him, but he needed her, she was the answer to all his problems. That was until this week when she had finally broken it off. He called and called but she never answered, and now she had ran away from him like Phoebe. Now was the time he had to restart his life. Get a clean slate. No more Ursula, no more bad dates. Just himself and his friends.  
  
Joey snapped out of his thoughts, looking over at his concerned friends, knowing what they were thinking.  
  
"I'm really ok. I know im content in my mind now. No more depression or sadness I promise" Joey said the words and believed them, but his promise was short lived as there was a chap at the door.  
  
"Ah, that will be the pizza delivery guy." Ross stood up and searched for his wallet as he walked to the door.  
  
He opened the door but didn't immediately look up, still searching for his wallet in his trouser pocket.  
  
"How much do I owe you?" He said before his eyes met the person standing at his sister's door.  
  
The shock caused him to drop his wallet onto the polished wooden floor.  
  
"Rachel!" Ross' mouth stayed open in awe, trying to understand why she was there.  
  
"What are you doing here? Are you back for good?" Ross didn't know quite what to say but thought those questions would be a good start.  
  
"Ross there's no time for questions, its Phoebe,"  
  
By now Monica, Chandler and Joey had joined Ross and Rachel at the door.  
  
"Phoebe? Oh my God what about her?" Joey looked panic stricken.  
  
"You all need to come quick, she's in hospital and its serious."  
~*~  
Keep reviewing please and ill keep writing :o) xxxx  
  
Vanessa I tried to email you but it was sent back. Email me at the address in my profile :o) 


	23. Emergency

Chapter 23  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends and I am in no way affiliated with NBC or Warner Bros.  
The 5 friends rushed to Rachel's rental car and squeezed in. The car was tiny and resulted in Monica having to sit on Chandler's knee, much to their embarrassment. Ross tried again to question Rachel but she was too upset to talk. All she kept mumbling was "baby," leaving everyone confused.  
  
~*~  
Phoebe lay in the hospital bed hooked up to numerous machines, covering her in tubes and drips. She laid in silence, sobbing and clutching her stomach where her baby had once been. She was completely alone, no friends around her to give support to her and no Drs to tell her what was happening. She had really hit rock bottom this time.  
~*~  
Everyone ran through the automatic glass doors, each trying to outrun the other in desperate attempt to find out what exactly had happened.  
  
Joey threw himself at the reception desk; hitting it so hard he almost flew over the top of it.  
  
"PHOEBE BUFFAY?" He screamed out of breath.  
  
"Hold on one second sir and ill get a Dr. out to speak to you." The receptionist lifted the phone and called through to Phoebe's nurse. After a few seconds of discussion she returned her gaze to Joey and the others.  
  
"The Dr. will be with you shortly, please take a seat in the family's waiting area."  
  
Shortly after sitting down, Rachel, who had just parked the car joined them.  
  
"Rachel what happened?" Joey was close to breaking down.  
  
"She mis- she mis" Rachel couldn't get the words out for her tears choking her. Ross placed a comforting arm around her and told her it would be ok. "Hey calm down. Take a deep breath," Rachel did what he said and tried to finish her sentence, but was interrupted with a tall, bald man wearing a white coat entering the room.  
  
"Hi all, im Dr. Phillips. Who is Miss Buffay's next of kin?" Monica rose to her feet. "I am. Monica Gellar," she stated. Phoebe had made Mon her in case of emergency person when she was her roommate and hadn't changed it since.  
  
"Could I speak to you outside for a moment please?" The Dr asked patiently.  
  
"Could you not just tell us here? We are all just as close to her. We all need to know what's going on." Monica tried to remain calm.  
  
"Ok sure, if that's ok with you its fine with me."  
  
Monica retook her seat and waited on Dr. Phillips informing them of what had happened. Everyone sat with bated breath, petrified of what he was about to say.  
  
"Miss Buffay is in a stable condition at the moment, but she has lost quite a bit of blood. We have given her a transfusion, but we don't know if her body will reject it yet. We have to wait a few hours to be certain.  
  
"But what caused her to be here?" Monica was still confused, as were the others.  
  
"Miss Gellar your friend gave birth 3 months prematurely. Both are lucky to be alive!"  
  
"She didn't miscarry?" Rachel's eyes lit up knowing the baby was alive.  
  
"No. The baby is stable also, but we have her in ICU just to be on the safe side. She only weights 2lbs so we have to keep an eye on her."  
  
"It's a little girl?" Monica and Rachel both started to well up.  
  
"A perfect little girl!" The Dr smiled at their excitement.  
  
Chandler and Joey stood up and joined Rachel and Monica in a group hug. Joey remained seated in the blue plastic chair going through the event in his mind.  
  
"She got pregnant with another mans baby while she was away!" He said despondently to himself. He got up slowly and exited the room without anyone noticing he had gone. He needed some space to be on his own. This was too much for him to deal with. She had managed to stab him in the heart again and he didn't know how much more he could take. He walked slowly his head hung low, ignoring the rooms at either side of him as he did so. He could hear the cries of hundreds of babies all around him, and a repugnant smell that reminded him of bleach mixed with illness. He continued to stroll through the hospital aisle in search of the exit, but came to a dead end. He put his hands on the whitewashed wall, wanting to bang his head against it and never stop. Instead he spun himself around and began to retrace his steps, bursting to get out of this place. But a weak sounding voice calling his name made him stop in his tracks. He turned his head to his left and glanced into the room where the voice was coming from.  
  
"Phoebe?" He looked at the frail blonde woman lying on her back in a shabby little bed.  
  
"Joey we need to talk." Phoebe replied faintly.  
  
Joey entered the room, looking a little scared to be doing so. The sight of Phoebe shocked and terrified him, but he needed to get something's off his chest. And the results wouldn't be good.  
"Miss Gellar would you like to see your friend? She was sleeping when I last left her, but im sure she would appreciate the company when she wakes up." The Dr placed his hand out to Monica, silently offering to show her the way to the room.  
  
"Can the rest come too?" Monica felt guilty for leaving the others out.  
  
"Im afraid its one person at a time, until she's got her strength is back at least"  
  
Monica looked at her friends nod her towards the door, giving her the ok to go to Phoebe without them. She followed the Dr. and waited at reception while he saw to an emergency, promising he would be 2 minutes maximum.  
~*~  
Phoebe lifted her needle-punctured hand, motioning Joey to come closer to her. He paused cautiously before taking steps towards her.  
  
"Joey I didn't mean to hurt you." Phoebe had just started to apologise but Joey cut her off irritably.  
  
"You have no idea what you have done to me! You have ruined my life! I can't eat or sleep and breathing hurts so much! When I lost you I lost a part of me too, my world ended the minute I read the last word in your letter. I held onto all hope you would see sense and come back to me, because you loved me. But did you? Did you hell! Don't try to lie to me Phoebe, I know you don't love me and you don't care about me. If you did you would never have had another mans baby!"  
  
"What do you know about the baby?" Phoebe was jolted back to the memory of giving birth.  
  
"I know that you didn't tell me you were pregnant when we slept together!" Joey's eyes flared with anger.  
  
"I've lost the baby Joey," Phoebe sobbed devastatingly.  
  
"What? Don't try and pull at my heart Phoebe, you know as well as I do that she's going to be fine!" Joey didn't know Phoebe was under the impression the baby was dead.  
  
"She? It was a girl?" Phoebe was perplexed.  
  
"She still is, she's in ICU" Joey still didn't pick up on what was going on.  
  
Phoebe tried desperately to push herself up on the bed, urgently trying to get to her daughter. She let out a loud shriek, the pain knocking her back onto the bed. She clutched her stomach again, desperate for the agony to halt, but the pain vibrated like waves through her. She could feel the blood drain from her as she urgently tried to call out Joeys name, but he had turned his back on her and was heading for the door.  
  
"Joey," she cried out faintly, but before she could see if he had heard her the room went black and her world stopped.  
  
Joey heard the monitor behind him bleeping furiously; unlike before when it sounded steady, it was now a continuous noise, ringing through his ears like a wailing.  
  
His body froze on the spot as numerous Drs and nurses rushed past him to Phoebe's aide. He was afraid to turn around and see what was happening, but he knew it wasn't good. 10 seconds later a Doctors scream confirmed the worst.  
  
"Get the defibulator, she's flat-lining!"  
~*~  
  
More very soon :o)  
  
xxxx 


	24. Dont leave me

Chapter 24  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends.  
~*~  
"Clear the way sir." A nurse pushed Joey hastily outside, and slammed the door in his face. He pressed his nose up against the tiny windowpane and watched as the Drs. urgently tried to save his precious Phoebe. He held onto that door for dear life, wanting to break through it and hold her; tell her everything was going to be ok, but he couldn't. He could see the blood soaked bed sheets she lay in, and the Drs trying in vain to jump start her heart again, jolt her back to life.  
Monica was still waiting at the reception 15 minutes later. The Dr was taking his time at the emergency patients room, and so she decided to go look for Phoebe on her own. He had probably forgotten about her? And it couldn't hurt to disobey his orders to stay where she was?  
  
She set off in the same direction as she had seen Dr. Phillips walk, thinking that's where the maternity ward must be.  
  
She looked down the long corridor and saw Joey standing at a brown wooden door.  
  
"Joey?" Monica was puzzled to see him there.  
  
He spun around and looked at her dreadfully.  
  
"Monica she's dying," He sobbed.  
  
Monica ran the length of the corridor as quickly as she could to see what Joey was talking about. She pushed him out of the way to see through the glass, and got a shock at what she saw.  
  
She threw her body into Joeys, clasping him tightly. She dug her fingernails into him, trying to stay compos mentis, but instead both broke down.  
  
"Monica don't let her die. She can't leave us again, we just got her back." Joey cried like a little boy while Monica could only nod and hug him tighter. She couldn't promise anything, the situation was too serious. They might lose her forever this time.  
~*~  
The family room was filled with silence.  
  
Rachel sat bent over, twiddling her thumbs, frightened to speak for fear that she would be ignored by both Ross and Chandler.  
  
She needn't have worried. Ross reached over and put his arm around her, pulling her close into his body.  
  
"Its ok I understand" He whispered into her ear, sending her into thankful tears of relief.  
  
Rachel sat back up and looked at a half asleep Chandler who was seated across from her.  
  
"Ross, I never meant to hurt you, I promise. You're the last person in the world I would ever hurt." Rachel felt like she had to explain but Ross just looked at her sympathetically; full of understanding.  
  
"Rach you did hurt me, but I forgive you. I realised when I saw you at the door tonight that I could never be mad at you, I thought I could, but I cant. I love you too much."  
  
Rachel reached up and ran her hand over his cheek.  
  
"I love you too. More than you will ever know!"  
  
Ross leant down and kissed her gently on the mouth, allowing his hands to run through her sleek brown hair.  
  
Their kissing was growing more and more passionate when they were interrupted.  
  
"Phoebe's in a coma," Monica stated sombrely, before collapsing in a chair next to them.  
  
"They don't know if she's going to make it through the night," Monica's face was expressionless, her voice monotone.  
  
Rachel clung to Ross, burying her head in his chest.  
  
"What happened?" Ross' voice was cracking with fear, again trying to stay strong for Rachel.  
"She haemorrhaged again. But this time the strain was too much for her body to cope with. Her heart stopped, twice. They have her stable again, but as I say, she's unconscious. They don't know when, or if she will wake up. Joey's in sitting with her just now. He's refusing to leave." Monica couldn't bring herself to cry, crying meant things were bad, and she couldn't let herself believe that. Phoebe was going to ok! She had to be! She couldn't die, could she?  
  
~*~  
Joey held Phoebes hand so tight it was turning white. His free hand stroked her sweat-matted hair.  
  
"Phoebe, its Joey. Im so sorry for shouting at you. I didn't mean anything I said, please come back to me, please, I need you!"  
  
There was no answer, not even a flicker in her eyes, or a movement in her hands.  
  
He studied her intently for any sign or movement, but it never came. She lay there, motionless and unresponsive.  
  
He sat in silence for a moment and began to sing smelly cat to her, but after one verse he changed the lyrics, tears streaming his eyes.  
  
"Baby girl, baby girl, why are you leaving me, baby girl, baby girl, its all my fault."  
  
He couldn't stand it any longer. He stood up and walked away from the room, heading for the nursery.  
~*~  
Almost 2 months later the gang, minus phoebe and Joey, gathered in Central Perk.  
  
Things had started to return to so kind of normality, if you could call it that. Everyone was speaking to one another, Ross had returned to work, and he and Rachel had started to date again, but both on the agreement it would be casual, to start with at least. Rachel was terrified to get serious with him; she knew she adored him, but what if she managed to break his heart again? How could she live with herself?  
  
"Hey, you all ready to go?" Chandler was stood at the door, waiting patiently on his friends. Central Perk had now become their daily meeting point, not for drinking coffee or gossiping, but for trips to the hospital to see Phoebe.  
  
She was still in a coma, but they still visited at least once a day, to talk to her and fill her in on their day. The Dr. had told them she could hear everything that was said, and talking to her would heighten her chances of waking up. So that's what they did, holding onto hope that it would be soon she would once again be able to answer them when they spoke, instead of chatting to her lifeless body.  
  
Everyone collected their belongings, joined Chandler, and set off to see their friend.  
  
~*~  
Joey was already at her bedside. In fact, he very rarely left it. Only going home to shower and change his clothes. When he remembered to, he would eat at the hospital's small café-cum-restaurant, but again that was once in a blue moon. The last thing on his mind was food; Phoebe was all that mattered to him right now.  
The room was semi-dark, only lit by a small bedside lamp that hung over Phoebes head. Joey sat in an undersized plastic seat cradling Phoebes 2 month old daughter in his arms, watching her peacefully sleep. This had become his daily ritual in the last few days. Phoebes Dr. had informed him the baby was no longer in danger and her weight was increasing rapidly. She was growing faster than they had imagined, even although she was still a tiny little thing, only a few inches bigger than Joeys hand. She was now able to be removed from her incubator and be fed in person, rather than by machine. Ever since that day Joey had never let her out of his sight. She needed love, and if her mom were too sick to give her what she need, he would have to be the next best thing.  
  
He gently rocked her back and forth, swaying ever so slightly with her. "How's my little cutie pie today?" He rhetorically asked her as he saw her eyes open and stare back at him intently.  
  
His heart skipped a beat as he felt her little hand wrap itself around his index finger, and grip on for dear life. A single tear dropped from his eye and fell onto her clean pink baby-grow. That one little movement had touched him in a way he never knew possible. He gently leaned down and kissed the baby on her tiny noise, her free hand coming up to brush his face.  
  
"You're the most beautiful baby in the world. Did you know that cutie? Well you are! Your adorable, like a cute little teddy bear! When you come home with your Mommy I have a present for you waiting at my apartment. His name is hugsy and your going to love each other forever!" Another tear fell from his eyes. She continued to study his face with her big blue eyes.  
  
"You're so gorgeous, just like your Mommy!"  
  
"She's gorgeous, just like her Dad!"  
  
Joey jumped up nearly dropping the baby.  
  
"Phoebe!"  
~*~  
sorry for the little delay, I promise ill be quicker with the next chapter.  
  
Please keep the great reviews coming.all feedback is more than appreciated. If you enjoying this leave me a note to let me know, come on, don't be shy :o) 


	25. Awakenings

Chapter 25  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends, but maybe one day ;o)  
~*~  
"Phoebe!"  
  
Joey stood completely motionless and dumbfounded. This was far too much for him to comprehend. She had woken up, and said something that shook his world.  
  
"What did you just say?" His voice trembled with anxiety; terrified he had heard her wrong.  
  
Phoebe summoned all the energy she had to repeat her statement. It took her a few minutes to let her sight adjust to the light; she wanted to look Joey directly in the eye as she spoke to him.  
  
"Its your baby as well Joey. I hadn't slept with anyone in months before you, and haven't since. She's not baby girl Buffay. She's baby girl Tribbiani."  
  
Phoebe shut her eyes again; unable to summon the energy to keep them open.  
  
Joey didn't know how to react. He glanced down at the tiny bundle cradled in his arms and studied her face fixedly, looking for a resemblance.  
  
Phoebe could feel her heart begin to pound as he placed the baby back in her incubator and turned to the door, exiting it quietly.  
  
This wasn't how it was supposed to be. He was supposed to go to her and kiss her and tell her he was so happy. What was wrong with him? Didn't he believe her? Was he mad at her for not telling him? She burst into painful sobs, but it literally hurt her to cry. She clung to her stomach and felt herself bleed again. She reached up and frantically pressed the buzzer by her bedside, desperate for a nurse to come to her aid.  
  
Immediately a team of medics rushed to her side.  
  
"She's awake!" A staff nurse shouted to a Dr who was running right behind her.  
  
"I'm bleeding again, please help me, I don't want to die! My baby needs a Mom!" Phoebe could feel the panic rise in her as she felt the blood drain from her body again.  
  
"Your ok, just stay calm, panicking makes it worse" The Dr was trying desperately to reassure her, but nothing he could say would do that.  
  
Dr. Phillips lifted the bed sheets off of her and inspected the extent of the haemorrhaging.  
  
"You're going to be fine Phoebe. Its just a small bleed, nothing life threatening" he flashed her a smile. "We're going to have to take you for x-rays just now, we have to get to the bottom of the problem. Is that ok with you?"  
  
Phoebe gave him a little nod in agreement, but felt terrified of the results. Something serious was wrong with her, she just knew deep down.  
~*~  
Monica, Chandler, Rachel and Ross congregated in the hospital gift shop. It was Rachel's desperation for a drink that landed them there, but Chandler had another reason for wanting to go.  
  
"Where did Chandler go?" Monica enquired, looking around for her absent friend.  
  
"He went over there," Ross pointed to behind a large shelf.  
  
Monica walked towards it and peered over to see chandler checking out bunches of flowers that were on sale. He had a huge bouquet in his hands, admiring them adoringly.  
  
"Awww are you buying Phoebe flowers?" Monica looked at him teary eyed at his compassion.  
  
He spun around, and looked embarrassed at her gushing.  
  
"Hmmm, well no actually. You weren't meant to see these." Chandler looked away, uncomfortable. "I was buying them for you. To say sorry for everything that's happened between you and me. I feel terrible at having lost your friendship for 5 months. It was the worst thing ive ever had to deal with no being able to speak to you. Seeing Phoebe so ill has made me look at things in a different light and I don't want to lose you again."  
  
Monica stood in awe at what she had just heard. She felt the same way, but was too proud to admit it. She admired him so much for being the stronger person.  
  
"Chandler you don't know how much that means to me. Im totally lost for words." Her eyes cloudy as she looked at the man she loved with all her heart but was afraid to tell.  
  
"Friends forever? No more fall outs?" Chandler smiled over at her, hoping she would one day see him as more than a friend.  
  
"Im never gonna let you out of my life again." She moved towards him and pulled him close to her. She felt herself shiver with the feel of his hands on her back, a little excited at him being so close once again. She had managed to bury her feelings for so long, but in a split second she could feel them resurface, taking over her body, mind and soul.  
  
"Are you cold?" Chandler felt her body convulse next to his.  
  
She looked up at him and shook her head. She didn't feel like explaining, she just wanted to relish the moment with him.  
  
Chandler let his hands slide to his side, feeling that he had held onto her for too long. He didn't want his feelings to be too noticeable.  
  
"Monica, I don't want to get into a long discussion about this here, but can I ask you something?" Chandler had his embarrassed expression back on his face, cringing over what he was about to ask her.  
  
"Sure you can?" Monica was puzzled but also curious as to what he had to ask.  
  
"Why did you sleep with my cousin? Was it because you were drunk, or did you have feelings for him?" Chandler half wished he hadn't asked, he didn't want to hear the answer.  
  
"What? I didn't sleep with your cousin! Who told you that?" Monicas face contorted in anger.  
  
Chandler shuffled his feet in discomfiture.  
  
"Nicola, his wife. She told me she caught you both in bed when she went to check on you."  
  
"Im surprised she was able to talk to you, after all you did have your tongue lodged in her throat," Monica was still raging at Chandler's accusation.  
  
Now it was Chandlers turn to look stunned.  
  
"What do you mean by that?" His eyes grew wider, and then he remembered he had kissed Nicola, and his cheeks flushed bright red.  
  
"I saw you both Chandler, don't deny it! On the couch, absolutely no shame!"  
  
"Nothing happened I swear. I pushed her away because it was you I lo," He stopped himself dead in his tracks.  
  
"Me you what?" Monica questioned, confused.  
  
There was no way out of this.  
  
"Loved. Ok you happy now. I love you." Chandler dropped the flowers on the floor and raced off, leaving Monica astonished.  
  
"He loves me!"  
  
"What you saying Mon?" Ross tapped his sister on the shoulder causing her to jump.  
  
"Oh, em, nothing. I was just thinking aloud."  
  
"Did you get Chandler?" He asked.  
  
"Yes, he's gone for a walk I think," Monica was speaking but her brain wasn't thinking the words. She had too much else on her mind now.  
  
"I'm sure he will meet us in Phoebe's room when he's done with his walk. Come on lets get a move on, I need to be back early, I have a lot of students essays to mark." Monica nodded, but again hadn't really taken in what he had said.  
  
The three set off for Phoebes room, about to get a surprise.  
  
~*~  
Rachel lifted her hand and pulled down the silver door handle, opening the door wide. As they entered the room they stopped abruptly and stared at the empty, blood-soaked bed in front of them.  
  
"Oh my God! Phoebe!" Monica could feel her legs begin to buckle at the shock.  
  
Just as she was about to collapse a noise came thundering down the corridor. All three turned to the door to see a pale but awake phoebe being wheeled into the room on a portable bed.  
  
"Pheebs! Honey your awake!" They rushed towards her and practically dived onto the bed along with her, in a desperate attempt to get a hug.  
  
"Be careful. Don't overwhelm her, she has just woken from a coma she is fragile!" a sullen looking nurse at the bottom of the bed chastised them for their brashness, but it was duly ignored. They turned back to Phoebe, giving her all their attention.  
  
"Are you ok sweetie?" Monica squeezed her hand.  
  
"Uh huh, I think so. I bled again so they had to do a scan. Mon im scared, what if they find something serious!" Phoebe broke down, and buried her head into her three friends.  
  
"Oh Pheebs don't worry, its just routine. You're going to be fine." Rachel stroked her hair comfortingly.  
  
"I hope so Rach, I really hope so," She took in a deep breath and tried to regain normality.  
  
"Has anyone seen Joey?" Phoebe looked around the room, knowing full well he wasn't there, but it was her gut instinct to search for him.  
  
"We thought he was here with you?" Monica followed Phoebe's eyes around the room.  
  
Ross stood across from Phoebe and watched sadly as tears streamed her face. Watching her like this was so hard for him.  
  
He coughed in a vain attempt to stop his eyes watering further.  
  
"Can you guys excuse me? I need to get out of here." Ross raced from the room, unable to control his emotions any more.  
  
Everyone stopped what they were doing and watched a disturbed Ross leave.  
  
"No one wants to be around me today," Phoebe said sadly, bowing her head.  
  
"Ill go see if he's ok," Rachel power-walked swiftly behind him.  
  
"He's the second person to walk out on me in an hour," Phoebe was desperate to talk to Monica about Joey, but wanted her to bring it up first.  
  
"Who else walked out on you?" Monica fell for Phoebes bait.  
  
"Joey did. I told him about the baby and he didn't say anything to me."  
  
"Wait, so he knows you are conscious again and he walked out on you without saying anything? He already knew about the baby Phoebe, we all did."  
  
"No, I know you did. But I told him he was the father. I don't think he believes me Monica."  
  
"Joeys the dad!" Monica's eyes nearly popped out of her head.  
  
"Rachel didn't tell you!" Phoebe was just as surprised as Mon.  
  
"No. Oh my god, the first time she's managed to keep her mouth shut. Wow, im still in shock. You and Joey parents!" Monica took a seat where Joey had been sitting just a few hours ago.  
  
There was a long silence.  
"Monica?" Monica looked up to see what Phoebe wanted.  
  
"Can you hand me the baby? I haven't held her yet," there was sadness to Phoebe's voice.  
  
Monica jumped up, "Sure I can,"  
She lifted the baby up, gently, and handed her to her mother.  
  
Phoebe looked down adoringly at her sleeping daughter and felt her heart skip a beat. She never knew how much love you could feel for something that only minutes before had been a stranger. "She's so tiny! And she's so beautiful." Phoebe gushed, but her tone soon changed back to that of sadness. "I didn't think id ever get to hold my own baby. It's kind or ironic actually. She saved my life, but nearly killed me," Phoebe gave a halfhearted chuckle.  
  
"What do you mean she saved your life?" Monica screwed up her face in misunderstanding.  
  
"Without you guys I was lost. I was alone again for the first time in 10 years and I was terrified. I had forgotten how lonely life as a run-away was, it dismal and depressing. You have no one to talk to, no one to share things with, no support, and no hugs when you're down. Its amazing how important these things are, without them you have nothing. When I found out from Ursula my Mom had killed herself all I wanted to do was die too. She was all I had. But then I met you and the others and my life felt complete again. I had something to live for. Then 6 months ago when I lost you guys my world fell apart again, just as it had before. I thought if I died no one would miss me, so I decided to follow in my mom's footsteps. I had it planned out, but I couldn't go through with it. It was a few days later I found out I was pregnant. Any thoughts of killing myself went out the window right there and then. I wasn't going to put my kid through what my mom put me and Ursula through. I knew I had to live for him or her, because they were going to be my new life." Phoebe looked over at a crying Monica.  
  
"Im sorry Mon. For everything." Phoebe lay back and shut her eyes. She had gotten a lot of things off her chest and the release felt wonderful. Now she wanted to sleep, but it wasn't going to happen that way. A chap sounded at the door and a Dr. entered.  
  
"Miss Buffay, we have the results of your scan."  
~*~  
I am so sorry guys for being so long updating. My pc crashed and decided to take my chapter 25 with it, so ive had to start from scratch :o(I apologise if it's a bit of a mess.  
  
Anywayssssss, a few more chapters left, so ill get away and start writing again :o) Keep reviewing please :o) Luv ya all xxxx 


	26. Make or Break

Chapter 26.  
  
Disclaimer: I still don't own anything to do with friends.  
  
Im so sorry guys for the time its taken me to update, but ive been on holiday in London. I went down to see Matthew Perry in his new play, which by the way is fab!!! And I got a hug from the man himself wohooooo lol  
  
~*~  
  
Joey swayed back and forward as he sat on a swing in the hospitals playground. The sun beat down on his head, but the soft breeze blowing in the air kept him at a comfortable temperature. His eyes where fixated on a small sandpit directly in front of him. He imagined him and his daughter rolling around in it, building sandcastles while an adoring Phoebe sat on a bench and watched them, lovingly.  
  
This is what he always wanted, the way he had dreamed it so long ago, but now he had it he didn't know what do to with it. How was he supposed to feel? He was supposed to be jumping for joy. The person he loved was getting better, he had a daughter to love, a happy family life to start, but he couldn't help feeling sadder than he had ever felt.  
  
He had messed up big time, and he didn't know how to resolve it all. He felt guilt at having slept with Ursula, doubt at his love for Phoebe, he couldn't feel that strongly for her if he was able to have sex with another woman, confusion over his baby and most of all depression and hate for himself.  
  
He kicked the ground underneath him as hard as he could and was about to get up from the swing when he heard a familiar voice.  
  
"Hey Joe. What you doing?" Chandler walked in Joey's direction and sat on the swing next to him, giving himself a push as he did so.  
  
"Just gathering my thoughts. Did they send you to look for me?"  
  
"No, I had to get away for a bit. Clear my head." Chandler looked sadly at his friend.  
  
"I know how you feel. This whole situation is driving me crazy again. I don't think I can cope Chandler. Im scared I break down again, what if I try something stupid again, like before?"  
  
"Hey, stop talking like that ok? You're going to be fine. You know why?" Joey shook his head.  
  
"Because you have me to look after you. Im not going to let anything happen to you, or anyone else for that matter. Joey, things are going to get better. I know in my heart they are. Look how you were before Phoebe came back. You didn't think she ever would, and she did. You have to think positive buddy."  
  
Joey remained silent.  
  
"You love her don't you?" Chandler question surprised him.  
  
"What?" Joey looked up from the ground for the first time since Chandler had approached him.  
  
"Phoebe. You love her. You don't have to explain, I've known all along. I recognised your behaviour. You acted the same way around her as I did with Monica."  
  
"You love Mon?" Joey was slightly shocked.  
  
"Always have, since the first moment I set eyes on her, I knew she was the perfect woman for me. I just wish she felt the same. She sees me as a friend and nothing more. I keep blowing my chances with her, me and my big mouth, always spoiling it!"  
  
Joey reached over and patted his best friend on the back.  
  
"Give it time. She will see what a good guy you are know how stupid she's been to ignore you as more than a friend. Trust me!" Joey flashed him a huge smile and both burst into laughter.  
  
"Look at the two of us! Losing it over women!" Chandler continued to laugh.  
  
Joey stopped smiling. "Yeah, but they are two very special women" He felt the sadness return.  
  
Chandler nodded in agreement as his laughter subsided.  
  
The awkward silence took over, until Chandler spotted another recognisable person approaching them.  
  
"Ross?" Both Chandler and Joey looked surprised to see him.  
  
"Hey guys." Ross' tone was sullen as he took a seat on the bench, letting his head fall south.  
  
"What happened to you? Woman troubles?" Chandler was only half joking.  
  
"That's an understatement!" Ross snorted.  
  
"Why. Have you and Rachel had a fight?" Chandler lifted himself from the cold, rusted swing and sat down next to Ross.  
  
"No, everything's great, well they were great. I try and I try but no matter what I do she never seems interested. She always keeps this damn distance between us! She won't talk to me about her feelings, and every time I try to get close she backs off. Am I doing something wrong? Do you think she's found someone else?" Ross could feel his voice breaking up as the realisation of Rachel's fidelity hit him.  
  
"No! Listen. You have been back together for what? 2 Months? If that! She's just taking things slowly. You've hurt each other so badly in the past, and she knows it. She is probably just as terrified of getting hurt again as you are. Why don't you go and talk to her about it?"  
  
Chandler felt so elated at his sudden surge of good relationship advice that he had forgotten all about his own problems.  
  
"Look, there she is over at the hospital doors. Go get her and talk!"  
  
Ross lifted his eyes and stared right in the direction of Rachel. "I'm going to do it. Wish me luck guys!" Ross darted off towards the automatic glass doors and grabbed Rachel in his arms.  
  
Joey and Chandler watched on in silence, both feeling more than jealous.  
  
"You want to go see Phoebe?" Chandler flinched as he said it, dreading the answer.  
  
Joey thought about it for a minute then nodded. He smiled back at Chandler and followed him back to the hospital room that had become his second home of late. He had no idea what awaited him, or what he was going to say, he had a lot of deciding to do on the 5 minute walk. Would he get the chance to say what he wanted?  
  
~*~  
  
"Im sorry Mon. For everything." Phoebe lay back and shut her eyes. She had gotten a lot of things off her chest and the release felt wonderful. Now she wanted to sleep, but it wasn't going to happen that way. A chap sounded at the door and a Dr. entered.  
  
"Miss Buffay, we have the results of your scan."  
  
Monica and Phoebe exchanged glances of sheer terror.  
  
Phoebe gulped, and nodded. "Please tell me and get it over with!"  
  
The Dr, who was holding a large clipboard in his hand, sat on the edge of her bed.  
  
"Phoebe, from what we can see in your scan there is a semi-large shadow covering your womb. It's a growth of some kind, but at this stage we cant determine what kind of growth. We are going to have to operate as soon as possible to rule out anything serious. The longer it's left the worse it could get."  
  
Phoebe knew this was serious but couldn't find the emotions to cry. She nodded and held onto Monica who was now on the bed next to her.  
  
The room was filled with silence until a nurse came into the room and administered Phoebe a plastic cup full of tablets.  
  
"Take these Phoebe to help you sleep." The nurse handed Phoebe a cup of water and she drank the pills down.  
  
A portable bed pushed by two porters entered the room. They lifted her gently onto it, and began to wheel her to the operating theatre. As they struggled to get it through the door Phoebe turned back to look at Monica. Neither said a word but their faces said everything. The fear was written all over them, this was make or break time.  
  
~*~  
  
I will be updating very soon, I promise. :o) Keep reviewing, and feel free to submit suggestions of what you would like to happen.  
  
Xxxx 


	27. where do we go from here

Chapter 27  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends.  
  
Vixie tell your mum she's bad for not letting you go to the play :o(There really isn't anything that bad in it, just a little bit of swearing. If you're near London come with me in July :o) Loadsa love to the people who are reviewing, you have no idea how happy I am that you are enjoying this fic xxx  
  
~*~  
  
Ross hugged Rachel so tightly he practically suffocated her.  
  
"Whoa, what's that for?" Rachel laughed at Ross' sudden burst of emotion.  
  
"I just missed you." Ross didn't know why he had wanted to cuddle her so badly and never let go.  
  
"Ross you only saw me 10 minutes ago" Rachel wasn't believing his excuse.  
  
"Rach, can we go somewhere and talk?" Ross sound serious now.  
  
"Yeah, sure we can," Rachel was puzzled, but kind of glad, there was a few things she wanted to say herself.  
  
They broke apart their embrace and headed to where Ross had been sitting with Chandler and Joey. Ross took a seat on the old wooden bench and Rachel sat herself on a swing.  
  
"Oh my God, I haven't been on one of these in ages!" Rachel squealed in delight and began to swing forcefully through the air, her hair hitting her face in the breeze, while Ross watched on, adoration in his eyes. She looked like a little girl, full of innocence.  
  
"Rachel? Where are we going in this relationship? I mean, we have been dating again for a few months and it just feels like there is so much love, but no communication. Do you regret starting things up with me again?" Ross bowed his head and Rachel slowed herself down, dragging her feet along the ground. She entwined her arms around the swings chains, the fun draining from her face.  
  
"Ross, I love you more than anything, of course I don't regret starting things up with you again. How could you think that? After all we have been through together." She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts.  
  
"The lack of communication is all my fault. I sill feel guilty about choosing my job in Paris over you. I should never have done that, I got my priorities all wrong and I realise that now. There's times when I can't even look at you, you look at me with such love and I hurt you. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that."  
  
"Rach, don't shut me out, I've gotten over what happened, you have to as well. If our relationship is going to work, it's essential that you do. I understand how you feel, I was the same when I slept with Chloe, and I was racked with remorse. But I've moved on."  
  
Rachel knew what Ross was saying was true, and she nodded, letting him know she understood fully.  
  
"I have something to ask you?" Ross looked at Rachel, hoping her answer would be what he wanted to hear.  
  
~*~  
  
Monica rested her head on Phoebe's bed, quietly anticipating her return. She stared at the open door, looking out into the bare, clinical looking corridor. Her eyes rested on a poster for a cancer support group, she memorized the number and prayed she wouldn't have to ever use it.  
  
She heard footsteps approaching, but didn't flinch to see who it was coming closer. The noise stopped and the bodies of Joey and Chandler stopped in the doorway.  
  
Monica lifted her head from the bed and straightened out her crushed hair.  
  
"Hey," Chandler spoke softly, as though awaiting a reaction from Monica, but suddenly noticed the emptiness of the room.  
  
"Where's Phoebe?" Joey butted in before Monica had a chance to speak.  
  
Monica sat up straight in the chair, and looked solemnly at her friends.  
  
"They've taken her away to operate. There's a largish growth in her womb and they have to see what it is. It's not looking good." Monica sighed and sunk back into the chair, too emotionally drained to speak further.  
  
Joey felt his heart sink; this couldn't be true, he thought to himself. What had Phoebe done to deserve the hardship she had long endured? She was too special to have so much sorrow.  
  
"What kind of growth?" You could hear the fear in Joey's voice, like a child frightened to ask for something.  
  
"They don't know Joe, that's why they have had to operate so soon. If its can," Monica paused, terrified of that simple word.  
  
She started again, building up the courage to say it. "If it's Cancer, then they have to catch it as quickly as possible, to limit the chances of it spreading."  
  
Joey swallowed hard at the sound of the word cancer, trying desperately to rid the ever-familiar lump that was forming.  
  
"Cancer? No, she can't have that, people die when they have that! Phoebes not dying, is she Monica?" The swallowing had done no good; Joey was now in tears at the idea of Phoebe being taken from him again.  
  
Monica rose from her chair and embraced Joey in her arms.  
  
"It may not be cancer Joey. We have to be strong for Phoebe's sake until we know for sure. If it is cancer im sure she has a huge chance of survival! She needs us all to be there for her when she gets back from theatre. No more running away from things!"  
  
Joey pulled away from Monica's arms and wiped away his tears. He could barely stand to look at Monica; she had read his thoughts like a book. She knew he was about to sprint from the room once again that day, yet again unable to deal with what he was being told. He wished he were a stronger man, the man everyone thought he was, but he couldn't see his precious Phoebe die, it was killing him along with her.  
  
"Guys I have to go, ill be back soon," Joey lied about the last part. He had no intentions of returning to that room, ever again. He refused to watch the love of his life dwindle away in front of his eyes. not again, he couldn't take it.  
  
As calmly and as quietly as he could he left. The feeling of his friend's eyes boring into the back of his neck washing over him eerily as he walked away. He didn't turn round. He didn't want any more memories of that part of his life. He was about to start afresh.  
  
~*~  
  
Rachel gulped down quickly, anticipating what Ross was about to ask her.  
  
He stood up, walked over to her nervously and took her hands in his.  
  
"Oh God," she thought, "Please don't let him propose again, not now!"  
  
Rachel looked up at his, awkwardly shifting back and forwards on her feet. Only stopping once to flash him a painted on smile.  
  
"Rachel. Will you move in with me?" Ross blurted it out as speedily as he could manage. Desperate, but scared at the same time.  
  
His anticipation level grow as Rachel dug a hole into the ground, shifting the residue sand around with her foot, deliberating just what she was going to say.  
  
"Oh Ross," She started and let Ross interrupt her.  
  
"Is that an Oh Ross I'd love to move in with you, or an Oh Ross, you're making an ass of yourself again.  
  
Rachel grabbed his hands pitifully, already feeling sorry for him.  
  
"We agreed when we started dating again that we were going to take things slowly. You know how I feel about rushing into things. I don't want things ruined by making hasty decisions we may both regret in a few months."  
  
Ross let his hands drop to his side.  
  
"So that's a no then," His puppy dog eyes drooped, sorrowfully.  
  
"I'm not ready for such a big step like that, im sorry honey, I don't want to waste what we have already."  
  
"No hey, listen its ok, I get it. I'm not good enough for you. It's always been the same. I just don't meet your requirements in the boyfriend stakes. Lets just continue this casual "relationship" that we have. Sex and occasional idle chit chat. That's all you're looking for right?" Ross stormed off, hitting the automatic doors lightly in frustration as he entered the hospital. He didn't take rejection well at the best of times, least of all from Rachel.  
  
Rachel stood in amazement, still trying to get her head around Ross' comments. His words pained her. It wasn't just about sex, not to her anyway. It was about love, and not losing that love. But she wasn't making a very good job of it, she noted to herself. She was going to have to make a huge gesture to make up for this, but what?  
  
~*~  
  
Joey had only been home a few minutes. The walk back from the hospital that he had hoped would clear his head had taken longer that anticipated.  
  
He threw his keys down onto of the foosball table, lifted the portable telephone from its holder, and plonked himself down in his barcalounger. He looked at the phone in his hands intently, twiddling it around erratically, pondering his next move.  
  
He dialled a number and held the phone to his ear.  
  
"Ursula? It's Joey. Can I come over? There's something I need to ask you."  
  
~*~  
  
Ok peeps that's it for chapter 27, but I promise there's more to come shortly :o) I'm going to try and tie up the chan/mon, Rachel/Ross stuff in the next part then move into the good Phoebe/Joey stuff :o) I'm still having a bit of a moral dilemma with Phoebe's situation, to kill or not to kill, what do you think? Come on help me out :o)  
  
Xxxx 


	28. Planning for the future

Chapter 28  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends, but when it finishes im sure ill be able to buy it all on ebay.  
  
Vanessa, Hun, if I worked at "friends" I would SO put a stop to this Rach/Joey nonsense! It sickens me too :o(Cant they see Joey is Phoebe's lobster? Lol We should start a protest :o) I'm still weighing up the pros and cons of killing off Pheebs. I don't think I can bring myself to do it lol How sad is that? :o)  
  
Clarissa, you are turning into a mini detective like Vixie ;o) So what do you think Joey is going to do? If you get it right ill tell you what's going to happen before the update ;o)  
  
~*~  
  
Rachel swung gently on the swing she had been sitting on for hours. Her feet were dangling loosely, barely touching the ground underneath her.  
  
The sun was setting behind her, but this wasn't something she noticed. Her mind was far away from everything, the hospital grounds, Phoebe, her friends, her job, and her life. Right now everything was paling in comparison to her relationship with Ross.  
  
His harsh words echoing round in her mind, repeating over and over. She placed her hands over her ears, praying the memories would stop, that everything would go quiet, and she would be able to think rationally.  
  
"Just sex and idle chit chat," The words stung at her heart.  
  
She knew he hadn't meant a word he had said. It was only his bruised ego that had allowed him to speak that way to her. This was Ross after all. Mr.Marriage, love and commitment. Not a cruel bone in his body. He only wanted the best for her, even when they weren't together.  
  
She knew deep down that it was her fear of hurting him that was causing him all the more pain. She had to shake this terror in order to move on. Ross had told her so himself just a few hour previous.  
  
"What would life be like without Ross?" She questioned herself and thought back to her 4 months in Paris on her own. The nights she had cried herself to sleep, wishing he had been laying next to her, his comforting arms wrapped around her, consoling her.  
  
But she knew if he had been there in the first place there would have been no tears to console. Life would have been good.  
  
Fate had brought them back together, and yet she was unconsciously pushing away.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK IS MY PROBLEM!" She screamed audibly into thin air, wishing someone would miraculously appear to answer her unanswerable question.  
  
She closed over her tired eyes and rocked herself back and forth, tears forcibly trying to break free from her eyelids.  
  
Suddenly her eyes shot open, wider than they had ever been before. She now knew what her problem was, the realisation hitting her like a body blow. It was her fear of Ross hurting her, not the other way about like she had long tried to convince herself. She was terrified of losing him again, him not being a part of her life, her future.  
  
She lowered herself from the swing and ran off to make a very important phone call. One that would change her life forever.  
  
~*~  
  
Phoebe lay in bed, still unconscious from her 5-hour operation. She looked even more pale and gaunt than she had done before. The strains of the last few days were clearly visible on her drawn face. Monica lay next to her, her head only inches from her friends, but her body twisted into the plastic chair beneath her. She had held onto Phoebe's hand as she was placed back in her room and never let it go, even when sleep deprivation had overtaken Monica's body.  
  
The room was eerily silent, apart from a rhythmic beep from Phoebe's heart monitor, which was moving at a steady rate.  
  
Phoebe's eyes flickered erratically, before finally opening. She tried to mover her right arm, but felt a hand grasping her own.  
  
"Joey?" She mumbled semi-coherent.  
  
Monica's eyes darted open and her head shot up from the mattress.  
  
"No, Pheebs, its me, Monica."  
  
Phoebe nodded in understanding. Why would it have been Joey? She thought, slightly chastising herself for allowing herself to get her hopes up.  
  
"How are you feeling, sweetie? Are you ok? Do you need anything?" Monica looked concerned for her friend's welfare.  
  
Phoebe shook her head and tried to summon the energy to speak.  
  
"I'm ok," she whispered, barely audible. Monica only just heard her.  
  
Her heart broke at the sight of her friend. Life wasn't being fare.  
  
She placed her head back down next to Phoebe and hugged into her tightly, while being aware not to hurt her.  
  
The room fell silent again as they both drifted back into sleep.  
  
~*~  
  
Rachel fell back onto her bed; her body jumped for a few seconds and then steadied itself into stillness. A huge grin spread over her face. She had done it; she had followed her destiny, and her instincts and made the first move towards her new future. It hadn't been easy convincing Gunther at first, but after some gentle persuasion he had succumbed to her. She knew just how to wrap him around her little finger.  
  
Her smile grew wider.  
  
Part one of her plan was complete. All she needed now was Ross' cooperation. That was the hard bit.  
  
~*~  
  
Joey lifted his hand and clenched it into a fist. He knocked gently on the door, nerves building in him. It had been months since he had last seen Ursula, and it hadn't been on good terms. He prayed she would assist with him and not make things difficult, which she was prone to doing, especially where her sister was concerned.  
  
The door flew open and Joey lurched back, his stomach flipping. He hated how Ursula was identical to Phoebe. It always threw him.  
  
"Joey!" She seemed surprised to see him, even although she knew he was on his way over.  
  
"We need to talk," Joey rested his arm on the doorframe, trying in vain to look casual.  
  
"Listen Joey if this is about me not returning your calls then im sorry, but you know its over between us right?" Ursula smirked, and tilted her head trying to look sincere in her apology.  
  
"It was over with us before it even begun. Being with you was the second most stupid thing I've done in my life!" The minute Joey had said it he bit his lip. This wasn't the way to win her over. He scolded himself for being so brash, but he knew he couldn't help it. She wound him up like a coiled spring, knowing just how to annoy him.  
  
"Oh? And what was the first most stupid thing you did?" Ursula asked, not really caring what his answer was.  
  
"Letting Phoebe down when she really need me" He bowed his head in sorrow.  
  
"Awww that's sweet, now what did you want?" Ursula couldn't have seemed less interested.  
  
"Can I come in? There's something I really need to ask you about."  
  
Ursula widened the door and let Joey in. He sat down on her sofa and wrung his hands together. His nerves were now apparent. If she refused him what he wanted he didn't know what he would do.  
  
~*~  
  
How quick was I with an update! :o)  
  
Hope your all still enjoying this. Leave me a review if you can be bothered and ill think about updating again ;o) 


	29. planning for the future part 2

Chapter 29  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends.  
  
~*~  
  
Chandler stood in the doorway admiring the two sleeping beauties lying in bed, curled into each other lovingly. The grin on his face grew steadily as he watched them silently, desperately trying not to disturb them.  
  
He listened intently to the soothing beeping of the heart monitor and approached Monica. He swept away the hair that had fallen over her face, obscuring his view of her attractiveness, brushing her cheek compassionately as he did so. She flinched back from his hand, evidently shocked by his action. Her eyes prized open, blinking furiously, trying to take in what was happening. Chandlers face was still a blur to her as she wiped the sleep from her eyes and let her mind digest the information her eyes where sending her.  
  
"Chandler? What time is it?" Monica looked around the darkened room. There were no windows, so the light was deceiving.  
  
"Its 11am," He smiled at her and watched as she smiled back and tidied herself up. He noted how self-conscious she had suddenly become. Desperately trying to make herself look like the Monica Chandler was used to seeing. Her hair was a mess on the one side where she had been lying, her makeup was practically nonexistent and her clothes were dishevelled. It reminded him of the time they had sat next to each other on the bus to Glasgow. He gave a little chuckle, to which Monica reacted by giving him a puzzled look.  
  
"Private joke," he felt the need to justify himself to her. She made an "oh" motion with her mouth, gave a nod of acknowledgment and turned back around to straighten out Phoebe's bed.  
  
Just as she was about to finish fixing out the starched white sheet covering her friend, she felt Phoebe grab at her hand. She stopped what she was doing and looked up at Phoebe's face. Her eyes were still closed and she looked strangely peaceful despite her frailty.  
  
"Phoebe are you ok?" Monica turned to Chandler, flashing him a look of concern.  
  
"Have you spoken to a Doctor?" Phoebe asked breathily, sounding pained.  
  
Monica turned yet again to Chandler for reassurance, and he moved up closer to her, placing his hand on both hers and Phoebe's.  
  
"No sweetie, but I can go and find Dr. Phillips if you would like me to?"  
  
Phoebe gave a little nod and slid her hand from her friends' grip.  
  
Monica walked towards the door and turned back, motioning Chandler to follow her.  
  
Once they were outside the door Monica finally spoke.  
  
"I don't think I can do this on my own, if it's something serious, I don't know wh" Monica broke of her silence with a little sob.  
  
Chandler bunched her up in his arms and placed a kiss on her forehead. Monica's crying subsided as she looked up into his eyes. Silence fell on both of them as the stood, glancing at each other in both shock and in adoration.  
  
Monica leaned up and placed her lips onto Chandlers, giving him tiny butterfly kisses, which began to turn more passionate as Chandler returned her affection. His mind was racing as he ran his hands over her back; unable to believe his dreams were finally turning into reality.  
  
They broke apart and continued to stare longingly at each other, neither wanting to speak and end the moment.  
  
Just as Chandler was about to say something he felt a hand tap his shoulder. He swung around to see who had interrupted him, not letting his hands part from Monica's waist.  
  
"Dr. Phillips? We were just coming to look for you." Chandler sounded breathless from his recent rendezvous with Mon.  
  
The Doctor ignored Chandler and looked over at Monica, his expression full of concern.  
  
"Ms. Gellar, may I speak to you alone for a moment please?"  
  
~*~  
  
"What makes you think I have it?" Ursula snapped back at Joey, clearly losing patience at his incessant questioning.  
  
"You told me you had it! That's why I think you have it!" Joey stood up from the sofa and placed himself inches from Ursula's face  
  
"Ok, so I have it, but what makes you think I'm going to give you it?" Ursula's tone began to sound vindictive; Joey was going to have a fight on his hands to get what he wanted.  
  
"Ursula! Will you quit the mind games! I'm in no mood for this, will you please just consider giving me it!" Joey was losing the fight and he knew it. Ursula was enjoying watching him squirm too much. She seemed to get a kick out of hurting people. He wondered how her and Phoebe could look so alike but act so differently.  
  
"Hmm, I don't know Joey, it is a family heirloom after all." She gave a little smirk. It meant nothing to her, but she loved watching Joey beg. It was turning her on.  
  
"How about a kiss and I may consider it?" Ursula's smirk grew as she watched Joey lean in towards her.  
  
He rested his lips on hers, barely touching.  
  
"Not in a million years am I that desperate!" He spat and turned and walked away from her. Her smile dropped and she walked moodily over to a chest of drawers. Opening the bottom cupboard with force, she removed an envelope and slammed the door shut again with all her might.  
  
"Here! Just take it and go, and don't come back. I hope you will be very happy!"  
  
Joey couldn't believe he had manages to talk her round. She had given in to him, finally.  
  
"Thank you," He stuttered, still shocked she had backed down.  
  
She grumbled something in return, and opened the front door to her apartment, indicating to Joey it was time for him to leave.  
  
As the door was slammed at his back he let his lips curl into a smile. He had done it; he had got what he wanted. Now he had to plan.  
  
~*~  
  
Rachel was pottering around the apartment, still in her pyjamas, putting the final stages of her plan together.  
  
She was desperate for Monica to get home and help her; she needed another person's perspective on her ideas. But she noted how well she was doing on her own, pride growing in her.  
  
She sat on the couch, her bare feet up on the coffee table. She held her notepad and a pen in her hands. The end on the pen was in her mouth as she tapped it against her teeth, deep in though.  
  
"Ohhh, scented candles." She scribbled it down furiously on her pad, and stuck the pen back in her mouth when she was done writing.  
  
After another few minutes of wracking her mind she gave up and lifted the phone. Her planning was over, now to put it all in action.  
  
"Ross? Hey it's me, Rachel. Listen I want to apologise to you about yesterday, but I don't want to do it over the phone. Can you meet me tonight at 9pm in Central Perk? Bye" She hung up, praying that he would get her message on time. Tonight was going to be the most important night of both their lives.  
  
~*~  
  
Chapter 30- what happens to Phoebe? What are Rachel and Joey planning? Will Chandler and Monica get together? Tune in to find out lol  
  
I think there are just 2 more chapters to go before this one is done, but I need your advice. There is so much I could do with this fic, but I don't want it to get to angsty, if you know what I mean. Soooo.what do you think I should do? Continue and make it over-melodramatic or write a sequel? Let me know in your reviews. Thanks :o)  
  
Mwah xxx 


	30. Unconditional Love

Chapter 30  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends.  
  
~*~  
  
The visitor's room was dully lit, one singular light bulb dangling from the cracked cream ceiling. Monica followed Dr. Phillips in and shut the door behind her.  
  
Neither bothered to take a seat, comfort was the last thing on their minds.  
  
~*~  
  
Just a few feet away Chandler paced the corridor, awaiting Monica's return. He was nervous about everything that had just happened in the last 10 minutes. What Phoebe's outcome would be and how his kiss with Monica would pan out. What if it was just a one-time thing? Monica was low; maybe it was just a bit of comfort to her? She couldn't possible see ME as anything more than a friend, he wondered.  
  
He ran is hands through his hair, going out of his mind with pointless questions. He continued to walk the length of the corridor, until he felt a hand on his shoulder for the second time and span around to see who was there.  
  
Monica threw her arms around him before he could object, and held him tightly. It took Chandler a few seconds to assimilate what had happened, but instantly responded to Mon's embrace.  
  
"Mon what is it?" Chandler felt fear at Monica's sobbing, what had she just been told? It couldn't have been good news if she was in such a state? There was no answer from her, just continual jerking of her shoulders as she cried.  
  
"Monica, talk to me please you scaring me. Is Phoebe ok?" He let go of her so he could see her face.  
  
She dried her eyes with the backs of her sleeves, and rubbed her hands over Chandler's shoulders.  
  
"She's fine. It was just non-malignant tumours! Its not cancer." She burst into tears again. It was the only outlet for her emotions to pour out. She had tried to be strong all those months, but now she could let it all out, she didn't have to be anyone's rock anymore.  
  
Chandler let out a deep breath and burst into relief filled laughter.  
  
"You have no idea how much you frightened me there!" He threw his arms back around her, and instantly removed them, wondering if he should be so forward with her when he had no idea how she really felt.  
  
Her crying subsided, but the tears continued to fall as she starred up at him glazy eyed. "Why did you let go of me?" Her wet eyes looked back at him, hurt.  
  
"Hmmm, I don't know," he lied, looking down at his feet, shoving his hands awkwardly into his jeans pockets.  
  
"I guess I just didn't want you to think I was coming onto you too strongly, after we had kissed and all. Your emotions are all over the place, I understand. I'm sorry if I abused your trust by taking advantage when you weren't thinking straight." He was about to continue rambling on when Monica reached up, her hands running over his face, which was still pointed to the ground.  
  
"Chandler, look at me," She smiled at his sensitivity.  
  
He gazed at her longingly as she planted a kiss on his lips.  
  
"I love you too. I always have. If you hadn't ran away at the gift shop you would know this already!" She giggled as Chandler gawped at her, too astonished to say a word.  
  
Monica grabbed a hold of his hand and led him back into Phoebe room. His mouth was still wide open, his body still in shock from Mon's revelation.  
  
"We need to let her know she's in the clear. It not fair to leave her hanging on like this."  
  
Both crept into her room, not wanting to wake and startle her, but to their surprise she was already conscious.  
  
"Mon, did you see the Dr. yet?" Phoebe asked, terrified of the answer.  
  
"I've just spoken to him sweetie, you're going to be just fine. The tumours were non-cancerous." Monica sat down on Phoebe's bed and pulled her gently into her arms. Both sobbed openly, as Chandler watched on, tears building in his own eyes.  
  
"They had to give you a hysterectomy Pheebs. Dr. Phillips said it would have been too dangerous not too have done it. There's less risk of tumours reappearing that way."  
  
Phoebe nodded slowly, slightly shocked. It would mean she would never have any more children. But if it meant she was alive to see the daughter she already had grow up then that was all the mattered to her.  
  
"Monica, Chandler, thank you for everything you have both done for me, you don't know how much it means to me."  
  
"Shh, you don't have to thank us Pheebs, its what friends are for. Unconditional love." Chandler moved from the chair and placed himself down on the bed next to Monica. He rubbed her back as he did so and placed his free hand on Phoebes arm.  
  
All three smiled the biggest grins they had in Months.  
  
Finally everything was falling into place for them. And it wasn't just them that things were working out for. Across town a very busy Rachel was putting the finishing touches to her preparations.  
  
~*~  
  
"Where did Gunther keep the lighters?" Rachel thrashed around the open drawers in Central Perk, desperately trying to locate some kind of lighting device.  
  
"I should really have listened during my training. Oh, matches!" She shut the drawers back over and set off to the coffee table in the middle of the couches the group often frequented.  
  
The table, which normally housed a few magazines and lots of coffee cups was now scattered with rose petals and lilac candles.  
  
Rachel lit each candle, trying unsuccessfully not to burn her fingers in the process.  
  
After each one was aflame she placed the matches into her pocket and looked at her watch. It read 8:50. She had just 10 minutes before Ross was due to meet her.  
  
She lifted her purse from the couch and headed for the door. Now on to the second part of her plan.  
  
~*~  
  
Ross looked at the clock that placed on the wall behind him.  
  
He had 10 minutes to get to Central Perk, plenty of time he thought.  
  
He lifted his jacket from the chair and reached into the pocket for his keys. Once he had gathered everything he needed he set off.  
  
The walk only took him a few minutes, making him slightly early.  
  
He wondered why Rachel had requested to meet him at this time. Central Perk was always closed by 9pm. There had to be some explanation, and he knew it wouldn't be long until he found out what that was, so he let the curiosity wash over him.  
  
He cautiously pressed his hands against the wooden door, and let himself into the coffee house. All the lights were off and no one was around. The place was bare looking, apart from the numerous candles which were strategically placed all over the table in the middle of the room.  
  
He looked around him, wondering where Rachel was. She had to be around, after all, who else would have set up the candles?  
  
He plonked himself down on the sofa, placing his feet carefully onto the table, making sure he didn't knock anything over and start a fire.  
  
15 minutes passed and there was still no sign of Rachel anywhere. He had searched all over for her, but the coffee house was empty apart from him. If this is her idea of a joke then its not funny, he said aloud to himself, looking a little pissed off.  
  
He was just about to leave again when he noticed a white envelope lying right in front of him, underneath a large church candle.  
  
He bent down and lifted it from the table, opening it to read.  
  
"Dear Ross," He read aloud.  
  
"As you have probably noticed I'm not here. I'm sorry if it's taken you a while to find this letter, but I placed it in the only place I thought you would see it.  
  
Please don't be angry with me. Not until you have at least heard me out. Meet me at the museum planetarium when you read this. All my love,  
  
Rachel."  
  
"What the hell is she playing at!" Ross looked cross, but also extremely curious, as he set off to find out what Rachel had in store for him. 


	31. the game

Chapter 31  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends, but im getting closer to it.  
  
~*~  
  
Beth: Thank you for the suggestion. I thought about it, and it would work into the story really well, so im going to use it. As you will see in this chapter :o) If you have any more ideas let me know and ill see what I can do.  
  
Vanessa: I'll send my pics of matty over to you ASAP hun :o)  
  
A/N: Ok so I think the next 2 chapters are defiantly it. Then a sequel. I'm also toying with the idea of a "What if Phoebe hadn't been attacked" storyline. Showing you how different their lives would have been. Would do you think?  
  
~*~  
  
Ross arrived at the Museum as quickly as he could. The curiosity of Rachel's "Game" was getting the better of him. He sighed, exhausted from the wild goose chase that his girlfriend was evidently sending him on.  
  
"Hey Professor Geller," A man in overalls wiping the linoleum floors with a mop greeted him as he got to the planetarium doors.  
  
"Oh hey Pete. You don't happen to have a seen a woman around here have you?" Ross questioned, doubtful.  
  
Pete gave a knowing smirk. "Not recently Sir, just me and you here now,"  
  
"Thanks anyway," Ross gave a half-hearted nod and kept walking. Letting Pete get back to his cleaning.  
  
He got to the doors and paused, his hand on the doorknob. He took a deep breath and flung the door wide open. The room was in complete darkness.  
  
He let his eyes adjust to the light and looked around the room, not moving from the doorway. He let out a sigh of frustration, feeling defeated in someway. Just as he was about to shut the door back over and leave he heard a clicking noise and suddenly the ceiling lit up with a cornucopia of stars.  
  
"What the hell?" Ross looked up into the "sky" and read what was written.  
  
"Remember our first night here? It was the most wonderful night of my life. Thank you for everything. I truly love you Ross Geller. Meet me at Monica's. Love Rachel."  
  
Placed on the podium were a blanket and 2 cartons of juice. One cran-apple and one cran-grape.  
  
Ross laughed out loud as he thought back to the night they had first made love and been caught by bunch of kids on their class tip to the museum. All his annoyance went out the window as he realised how sweet Rachel's "game" was turning out to be.  
  
He let the door close in front of him, and stood for a moment pondering his life with Rachel, and everything that had happened between them, especially in the last 24 hours.  
  
"Get what you were looking for?" Ross span around abruptly to see Pete standing behind him, still smirking smugly, his mop still in his hand.  
  
"Oh, yeah, sort of." Ross continued to think in confused silence before making his way to his sister's apartment. He couldn't wait to hold Rachel in his arms again and find out what exactly she was planning.  
  
~*~  
  
Ross apprehensively opened the door to Monica's and peeked his head around the door, not knowing what to expect. The room looked absolutely no different, much to his relief. Just a few randomly placed candles flickered, allowing enough light for him to see a yellow posit note stuck onto the television.  
  
He shut the door behind him and walked over to the note, ripping it off and reading it. "Turn on the video recorder."  
  
He did as the note said and flipped the on switch. He sat on the coffee table, bent over so he was leaning his elbows on his knees.  
  
Suddenly a familiar scene flashed onto the screen. It was the prom video he had once shied away from watching. But this time he was gripped as he took a trip down memory lane.  
  
He sat, engrossed, for the 10 short minutes the video played. Tears stung at his eyes as he remembered vividly the feeling of rejection that had gripped him 10 years ago as he watched Rachel leave arm in arm with Chip Matthews. Now it was all coming back to him in waves. That same feeling of failure, love and hatred all rolled into one.  
  
It wasn't Rachel's fault though. She was oblivious to how he felt. She lived in Rachel land most of the time, never once taking on board how anyone else felt. A little selfish, maybe, but Ross even loved that about her. Her flaws were perfections to him. She could do no wrong in his eyes.  
  
Just as he was about to turn the video off the screen flickered and Rachel appeared alone.  
  
"Hi again sweetie. Ok if everything has gone to plan, you have been to the planetarium and seen my message and you have just watched the prom video. I remember watching that video and thinking how you were the sweetest man on earth for what you did for me that day. I realised there and then that you were the man of my dreams. The man to love me and give me the passion I so longed for. Phoebe was right Ross, you are my lobster. That's me just figured it out. It's taken me 18 years, but it's been worth the wait. You've been worth the wait.  
  
You are probably sick of running around after me. But meet me at Central Perk. I have a surprise for you.  
  
See you soon"  
  
She kissed her hand and held it up so her palm was visible on the television. Ross reached out his hand as if he could actually feel her touch, her kiss, through the TV.  
  
As the screen faded to black he jumped from his seat at the coffee table and ran for the door, leaving everything still switched on. There was no time for fickleness. Rachel had a surprise for him, and he had to find out what it was.  
  
~*~  
  
Sorry for the long delay guys but ff.net hasn't been letting me post :o( Anyways. next part up tomorrow. Remember to review ;o) 


	32. Erasing the past

Chapter 32.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends.  
  
A/N: This chapter flashes back in time a few hours previous of the last chapter. I hope its not too confusing. I just have to fill you in on what's happened to the others.  
  
~*~  
  
Monica could feel the tiredness washing over her like a damp cloud, but true to form she was battling on, packing Phoebe's case for her return home later that day.  
  
Phoebe sat at the edge of the bed, almost like a statue. The slightest bit of movement sent pain writhing around her body. Although her wounds were healing pretty well there was still an element of discomfort, which was evident on her face anytime she as much as coughed.  
  
"Mon, let me help you," Phoebe tried in vain to move herself from the bed and let out a loud yelp.  
  
"Don't you dare. Just you sit where you are. I have this under control." Monica sounded stern, but the smile on her face showed she was only pretending to be angry. Phoebe smiled back, but it was short-lived.  
  
"I'm so sick of this Monica. I feel like some sort of vegetable. I cant move, I cant walk, I cant even hold my baby for Christ sake," She slammed her clenched fist down on the mattress and winced in pain, tears threatening to erupt.  
  
Monica placed down the folded up nightdress neatly into the case and move around the bed to sit next to her, rubbing her knee sympathetically as she did so.  
  
"Hey, listen to me okay. Your going to get better soon, and you'll be able to do all that stuff again. In fact you will more than likely miss the rest you've been getting. Hell, I'd kill for all the respite you've had." Monica tried to make a joke of the situation, but Phoebe didn't laugh.  
  
There was silence as Monica tried to think of another plan of action to cheer her up.  
  
"Phoebe, look at me." Monica touched Phoebe's cheek to turn her head.  
  
"The baby is just fine. Chandler and me have been taking good care of her. And Joey did his bit too, when he was here." Monica's voice trailed off at the end of the sentence, feeling her self getting flustered at having mentioned Joey's name.  
  
He hadn't been around in days. He had made no effort what so ever to try and find out how Phoebe was either. At least not that she knew of.  
  
Phoebe noticed Monica's embarrassment and tried not to let it show that she had flinched at the mention of his name too.  
  
"Mon, im so grateful to you and Chandler for everything you have done for me these last few months. But you have to understand, she's my child, and I want to do all the things a mother should be doing. Like feeding her, changing her diaper, singing her too sleep. But I cant, and that hurts more than this," She lifted her shirt and showed Monica the huge red open wound that ran nearly the length of her belly.  
  
"I understand sweetie, I really do." Phoebe tucked her head into Monica's shoulder, enjoying the little moment of comfort. Tears were now falling freely as she felt more and more sorry for herself. Monica brushed her hair softly with her hand, in attempt to soothe her anguish over the baby. But Phoebe's tears weren't really about her little girl at all. They were about Joey.  
  
~*~  
  
"I've been looking everywhere for you!" Monica ran towards Chandler, gasping for breath.  
  
"What's happened? Is Phoebe ok? The baby?" Chandler looked panicked.  
  
"Everyone's fine! I wanted to see you alone before Phoebe's Dr. discharges her." Chandler let out a sigh of relief and nodded for her to continue.  
  
"We really need to do something to cheer her up, she's so down. I want to try and get the happy Phoebe back, if that's possible." She went quiet as the realisation that may never happen hit her.  
  
"So, anyway," she snapped herself back to reality. "I was thinking about organising a welcome home party for her tonight. It's going to be at least another couple of hours before she's released. The have to run a few tests on her, check her stitches and get lulu sorted."  
  
"Lulu?" Chandler burst into laughter, but tried to ease it when he saw Monica's face blush bright red.  
  
"Its what I call the baby. Pheebs still hasn't named her, so I gave her a little pet name until she does"  
  
"Ohhh, good choice" Chandler chuckled again, but Monica choose to ignore him.  
  
"So, can you help me? Ive tried to get a hold of Ross but he's not home. And Rachel says she's sorry she can't help but she has something romantic she needs to do for Ross tonight. I didn't go into details on that one!" Now it was Monica's turn to crack a joke, and chandlers turn to be serious.  
  
"Did you try Joe?" He asked solemnly, knowing fine well what the answer would be.  
  
"I did, but he's left a message on the answer phone saying he's out of town. Did he mention to you where he was going?"  
  
"Out of town? Joey gets home sick if he leaves the village! That's weird. But no, he didn't mention it to me. I'm the last to find out anything these days." He flashed her a reassuring smile and pulled her into him, placing a kiss on the tip of her nose.  
  
"If you wanted to know if I loved you all you had to do was ask. I would have told I did. Would have saved a lot of time if you had." She smiled back and returned his kiss, this time on the lips.  
  
It was growing more passionate when she broke away. "Lets go get this show on the road."  
  
~*~  
  
"They really need to start putting elevators in Manhattans apartments!" Chandler puffed and panted exhausted, as him and Mon reached the top of the stairwell.  
  
"They do honey. But to afford an apartment in a building with an elevator the two of us would have to sell our bodies and club the money together. And even then im not sure we could afford it."  
  
"I have a $100 in my pocket to give you if you're offering those services," He winked at her cheekily, but her face was expressionless and staring at the door to Phoebe's apartment.  
  
"What's up?" he followed her gaze to see at least 20 black bin bags huddled clumsily outside the door and a note pinned to it. He watched as Monica approached the door and ripped the note from it, scanning it quickly to see what it said.  
  
"NO! They can't do this!" Monica screamed in frustration, thrusting the note under Chandler's nose for him to read.  
  
Dear Ms Buffay,  
  
It has come to our attention that you are in arrears of $4000 on your rent for this apartment. We have sent you several letters regarding this matter, but it has still not been dealt with. Therefore it is our regret to inform you of your eviction. You have one week, effective from the 8th of June, to remove yourself and your belongings, or we will have no choice but to send in the bailiffs.  
  
Yours Sincerely  
  
Ann Miller  
  
Housing Department  
  
"Oh my god. That was over a month ago. They have taken all her stuff to pay for the rent. She has nothing left apart from," Monica who had been racking through the bags finished his sentence.  
  
"Clothes, a few candles, a photo album and junk." She sighed dejectedly.  
  
"I don't believe this. How could I have been so stupid to not think this would happen? It never even occurred to me to pay her rent for her while she was away." Monica hugged Chandler soothingly.  
  
"It didn't occur to me either. This is no ones fault."  
  
"How are we going to break this to her? It will kill her Mon. This was like her family home! Its all she has for happy memories!" Chandler felt his heart snap in two.  
  
"I don't know. But what I do know is that we're still having this welcome home party if it kills me! We've bought all the stuff, and ill be damned if its going to waste. We will figure out where she's gonna live once we've cheered her up! She needs that more than anything!"  
  
Chandler nodded.  
  
"One snag though. Could we have it at your place? Rachel's warned me under no circumstances to go to ours before 11pm."  
  
"Of course we can. And at least we don't have to worry about Joey, if he's out of town."  
  
The two descended the stairs, all which was left of Phoebe's past in their hands. The party would be the beginning of her new life. In more ways than one.  
  
~*~  
  
Ok guys, that's it for this chapter. I'm trying to drag it out, cuz im gonna miss writing it lol Rachel and Ross will be in the next one, which I promise to have up tomorrow.  
  
Remember, if there's something you want to see happen let me know in your reviews :o) Ttfn xxx 


	33. Going Home

Chapter 33  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends.  
  
A/N: Ok folks, the next chapter is the last. Well, im pretty sure it is :o) Ill tie up the whole Rachel/Ross thing, more Monica and Chandler, and of course Pheebs and Joey. Ill maybe write an epilogue if you guys want one? Let me know :o) ~*~  
  
"JOEY FRANCIS TRIBBIANI! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE THIS MINUTE!"  
  
"Oh man, im in for it now." Joey prised himself off the bed he had once slept in as a child and walked cautiously downstairs into the kitchen where his Father was sitting at the table looking rather guilty, while his Mom paced the floor in despair.  
  
"Yeah?" Joey screwed his face up, knowing what was coming.  
  
"Your dad has just told me everything! What have I raised? Huh? You were brought up such a good boy Joey," Gloria's face softened, then contorted again as she slapped him on the side of the head.  
  
"NOW LOOK AT YOU! Did you not take in anything we taught you? You get a girl pregnant you support her. You don't run off to your parents to escape. We're not going to bail you out!"  
  
Joey's dad tried to speak but got interrupted by his wife continuing her tirade.  
  
"How exactly did this happen? In fact don't tell me, I don't think my heart could take it!" She sat down on a stool, looking worse for wear.  
  
"Mom, this isn't what you think. It wasn't just some one-night stand. Well it was. But there were feelings! We love each other. Well, I love her. This is such a mess," He threw his head into his hands in anguish.  
  
"You're telling me! Its not exactly a bed of roses Joe!" Gloria stood up again, but let her son finish what he was saying.  
  
"It's too long a story, and Im not in any mood to relive it all again, Especially when dads probably told you it all anyway. All you need to know is im going to be staying here again for a while. But once I'm-sorted ill get my own place." Without saying another word he turned on his heel and walked back to his room, leaving his Mom and Dad speechless in the kitchen. His Mom shook her head. "We need to do something,"  
  
"Like what?" Joseph was just as slow as his son.  
  
Gloria smirked. "Leave it to me,"  
  
~*~  
  
"There! All done!" Chandler stepped down from the small stepladder and glanced up proudly at the pink and lilac "Welcome home" banner that he had hung from the ceiling.  
  
He felt Monica's arms slide around his waist and he couldn't help but let his smile grow.  
  
"Thank you for helping me," Monica wrapped herself tighter into his back and snuggled into his neck.  
  
"It was my pleasure." He loved the feeling of her being so close to him. He had always imaged it would be this way, but now that it was actually happening between them both he couldn't have been happier. He loved every little thing about her, and intended to for the rest of his life. He wasn't ever going to let her go.  
  
"Hey, we better be getting back to the hospital. Phoebe will be wondering where we are." Monica quickly looked at her watch and broke her embrace with Chandler.  
  
They left the apartment, both taking once last look at the room to make sure it was just perfect, which it was.  
  
Welcome home banners hung from the ceiling, streamers drooped in every corner, presents lay in colourful wrappers around the room, the kitchen sink was laden with well wrapped food on dishes and a travel crib replaced one of the barcalounger.  
  
Phoebe was going to have a ball, for a while at least.  
  
~*~  
  
Phoebe looked at the wall clock in her now bare room. It read 9:20m. Had they forgotten about her? They were 20 minutes late if they hadn't.  
  
Suddenly the door burst open and a very out of breath Monica and Chandler rushed through it.  
  
"Phoebe we're so sorry, we got caught in traffic." Monica spat the sentence out as quick as she could.  
  
"Its ok. I'm just glad you're here." Phoebe flashed them a huge smile, the first time she had did so in months.  
  
Chandler helped her down from the bed and held her tightly, supporting her waist as he aided her. He bent down and picked up her case that was by the bed with his free hand and motioned to Monica to get the baby from her incubator, much to Phoebe's disappointment.  
  
"Mon can you bring her here a moment?" Phoebe looked grief-stricken.  
  
"Sure hun," Monica carefully walked with the baby to where Phoebe stood at the door, supported by Chandler, and held her close to Phoebe's chest.  
  
She bent down and placed a kiss on her daughters nose. "I love you so much," Phoebe's voice cracked as it was filled with emotion. The baby's hands reached up and touched her softly on the face, its fingers tangling in her long blonde hair. A tear fell from her eye as Monica pulled the baby back into her and cradled her. She prayed that tonight would go well. Things couldn't go wrong could they?  
  
~*~  
  
"JOEY!" Gloria stood at the bottom of the stairs and hollered at the top of her lungs  
  
"Oh what does she want now," Joey sulkily trotted downstairs in his sweatpants and baggy sweatshirt.  
  
"What?" He asked sullenly as his Mom came into sight.  
  
"Chandler phoned, there's been a problem at home, he wants you to go back as soon as possible. He sounded really shaken sweetie."  
  
"Oh my God, didn't he say what it was? Is it Phoebe and the baby?" Joey started to tremble in fear, while Gloria tried desperately to hold in the smirk that was determined to appear.  
  
"I better phone him," Joey ran past Gloria into the living room, pulling the room apart as he searched for the cordless phone. Cushions and magazines flew threw the air as his hunt grew more desperate.  
  
"JOEY! STOP!" Gloria pulled him back to his feet. "Chandler said not to phone, he wouldn't be there. You have to go back the city this minute, you hear?" Joey took a deep breath and wiped the perspiration from his forehead.  
  
"Ok, ok, I hear you. Can I take dad's car?"  
  
"Of course you can, now GO!" She handed him the keys from the hanger by the door and pushed him through it, slamming it triumphantly behind him.  
  
"What was all that about?" Joseph appeared behind his wife from the kitchen.  
  
"Just a bit of lying and gentle persuasion." The smirk was now visible on her face. Her plan had worked so far. It was all down to Joey now.  
  
~*~ 


	34. With Or Without You

Chapter 34  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends, or the song with or without you by U2.  
  
~*~  
  
"Chandler?" Joey screamed his name at the top of his lungs as he burst through the apartment door.  
  
He looked around him and let his heart sink at the sight of the now pastel coloured room that glistened with baby banners and balloons. His eyes rested on the empty crib in the middle of the room. Tears shimmered in his eyes as he pictured his sweet baby girl lying there, sleeping peacefully. He missed her dreadfully, and her Mom, more than they would ever know.  
  
He walked into his room and picked up Hugsy, who sat motionless on the wall shelf. He carried the stuffed bear carefully to the living room and placed him gently into the crib. A sad smile passed his lips. He had promised he would give his daughter his favourite toy and that's exactly what he was doing.  
  
"Ill miss ya Hugsy," Joey patted the penguin and went back to his room, closing the door solemnly before throwing himself face down on the bed to think about his future.  
  
His body had barely touched the sheets when he heard a click and familiar voice fill the room. He lifted himself off the bed and placed his ear at the door to listen.  
  
"WELCOME HOME!!!!" Monica and Chandler chorused together.  
  
Phoebe didn't respond. She placed herself down on a chair and looked around her, mixed emotions overwhelming her.  
  
"Guys, this is beautiful," She gushed "But," She paused.  
  
"This isn't my home. Why didn't you have this at my place?"  
  
Monica handed the baby to Chandler and sat on the floor at her friends' feet.  
  
"Oh honey. I was hoping you wouldn't notice this, at least not yet." Monica let out a little sigh of defeat.  
  
"What do you mean?" Phoebe looked down at Mon, puzzled to the goings on.  
  
"Phoebe, you don't have an apartment anymore. You were evicted for non- payment of rent." Monica winced, feeling guilt at having to break it to her.  
  
"That can't be right? I can't lose that apartment. It was my grandma's. It's the only home ive ever know. Please say it isn't true." Phoebe burst into uncontrollable sobs as the realisation hit her like a tonne of bricks.  
  
Monica didn't need to answer. She could tell by Phoebe's reaction she knew it was true, and no amount of "im sorrys" were going to reassure her. She shut her eyes and prayed silently. "Please God, she doesn't deserve this, she's a good person! Give her just a bit of happiness."  
  
Back in his room Joey had sunk to the floor and curled his knees into his chest. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. The woman he loved and his daughter where homeless. He couldn't allow this to happen. 5 months of thinking things over hadn't gotten him anywhere, and now in 2 small minutes his future had flashed before him, making everything seem crystal clear. He had finally realised what he had to do to make things all right. It was so simple.  
  
He uncurled himself from the floor and took a deep breath before opening the bedroom door, about to make that future into reality.  
  
~*~  
  
Ross raced into Central perk and scanned the room fervently for the second time that night. As far as he could tell nothing had changed. The candles were still burning and it was still as empty as before, no sign of Rachel either.  
  
He stood expectantly for a moment and listened to the first few bars of a familiar song float around him. It was "With or Without You" by U2, the song he had requested for Rachel the night they had broken up. He looked to the ceiling as he listened to the words.  
  
See the stone set in your eyes  
  
See the thorn twist in your side  
  
I wait for you  
  
Sleight of hand and twist of fate  
  
On a bed of nails she makes me wait  
  
And I wait without you  
  
With or without you  
  
With or without you  
  
He let his knees bend as he took a seat at the coffee table, never once removing his eyes from a spot on the ceiling, hanging on every word that was sung.  
  
Through the storm we reach the shore  
  
You give it all but I want more  
  
And I'm waiting for you  
  
With or without you  
  
With or without you  
  
I can't live  
  
With or without you  
  
And you give yourself away  
  
And you give yourself away  
  
And you give  
  
And you give  
  
And you give yourself away  
  
His eyes fell from the sky to the table before him, his attention drawn away as he watched the last burning candle flicker furiously and get smaller as it burnt out into nothingness, plunging the room into near darkness. One last tiny bit of dying ember fell onto a magazine on the table, its fire growing determinedly as it touched the glossy paper. Ross leant forward, grabbing the magazine, batting it furiously to extinguish the flame.  
  
As it waved through the air in his hand another piece of paper that had been concealed within it went hurtling across the room, landing softly on the couch beside him.  
  
He checked the magazine to make sure the last of the flame was out and went to sit it back down, but as he did so the publications title caught his attention.  
  
"Real Estate Weekly: Scarsdale" he let out a little chuckle thinking back to the moment 3 years previous when Rachel had freaked out at his suggestion to move there when they had kids. His whole evening had been about reminiscing; just as Rachel had planned it all.  
  
He threw it back onto the wooden table before suddenly realising something. The magazines in Central Perk were very rarely updated, and when they were it was usually a 3-month-old copy of "Cosmopolitan" that replaced a 10- month old copy of "Vogue". He had never seen this one before, and he knew he would have remembered it if he had. There was no other explanation. Rachel had to have put it there, but why, he wondered.  
  
Suddenly remembering the piece of paper that had unintentionally fallen from it moments earlier he made a grab for it, plunging himself across the table to reach it.  
  
He sat with it in his hands for a moment of contemplation before tearing it open apprehensively.  
  
He half expected to find another of Rachel's messages to dash off somewhere randomly, but instead he was met with 4 little words that made his heart melt.  
  
My hands are tied  
  
My body bruised, she's got me with  
  
Nothing to win and  
  
Nothing left to lose  
  
As he read the words over and over in his head, trying to digest this was really happening, he heard a dull rapping sound coming from behind him. At first he couldn't distinguish what, or where it was coming from but as the noise intensified he realised it was coming from the door. He swivelled his body around to investigate the tapping, where his eyes met with Rachel's, standing with her face pressed against the outside windowpane of the door, staring longingly back at him.  
  
Without giving it a second thought he jumped from his seat and ran to where she was, carelessly fumbling with the handle as his whole body shook with nerves. As he threw open the door he felt a rush of cool night air hit his face. He bundled Rachel into his arms, never wanting to let her go, praying this over-whelming feeling of love would never leave him.  
  
And you give yourself away  
  
And you give yourself away  
  
And you give  
  
And you give  
  
And you give yourself away  
  
Rachel glanced reflectively into his eyes, seeking out answers on his face.  
  
"So?" She questioned, her voice whispering and trembling with fear.  
  
Nerves rattled in her body, and the deadly silence that followed her question intensified that feeling of dread.  
  
Finally he spoke.  
  
"Rachel, ive known you forever, and ive loved you forever. All I have ever wanted was for us to be together, to be a family. But somehow, along the way things went wrong, we were wrong,"  
  
Rachel swallowed. This didn't sound good and she was determined not to cry.  
  
"But now, I cant image not having you wake up next to me, holding you, kissing you. You make me complete. Ive always known it, but ive always been too stubborn to admit it."  
  
Rachel couldn't hold in her tears any longer as she let out a whimper, her lip trembling.  
  
"Rachel?" She looked into his eyes, wondering what was coming next. The part she had been waiting so long on.  
  
"Yes. I will marry you."  
  
With or without you  
  
With or without you  
  
I can't live  
  
With or without you  
  
With or without you  
  
With or without you  
  
I can't live  
  
With or without you  
  
With or without you  
  
~*~  
  
Ok this time I promise there is one more and then that's it lol (Ive been saying that since chapter 12 lol) But I really mean it this time. Chapter 35: Find out what Joey's gonna do, and how everyone reacts to Ross and Rachel's news :o)  
  
Keep reviewing ;o) 


	35. Welcome Home Part 1

Chapter 35  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends.  
  
A/N: Remember I said one more chapter? Well I started writing and im at nearly 7000 words, so ive decided to cut this into a 2 parter. Heres the first bit, second part coming very soon :o) Oh and again thanx for the reviews, they are all fab. I love you guys xxxxx  
  
~*~  
  
Everyone turned their heads in surprise as they heard one of the bedroom doors open and footsteps approach them, stopping immediately as they saw the figure before them.  
  
"Joey? We thought you were out of town?" Chandler gazed at his scruffy looking friend who had once taken so much care of his appearance and shook his head in sadness.  
  
Joey tried to look at Chandler, but his eyes were fixed on a tear stained phoebe, who had not stopped crying, sitting on his barcalounger.  
  
"I, I, I went to my parents for a bit, but I came back because you phoned and said you needed me." Joey had now prized his eyes away from Phoebe and looked at Chandler in confusion.  
  
"I didn't call you Joe, I didn't even know where you were." Chandler verified what Joey was thinking. He had been set up.  
  
Phoebe had now turned her head away from the direction Joey was standing and was looking down at the ground, unease washing over her, her stomach churning with a nervousness she had never in her life experienced.  
  
The room fell silent; no one knew what to say to break the eerie stillness that had now enveloped them. Monica noted to herself how awkward this whole situation was. 4 friends that had once been so close they told each other everything, now lost for words to say to one another. She never thought she would see this day, but here it was, right in front of her face and she saw no way to make it better. Things were falling apart slowly, but surely and everyone had been so wrapped up in their own lives they hadn't seen it coming.  
  
Joey and Phoebe both continued to stare at the floor in front of them, while Monica and Chandler looked on in sorrow, until a noise caused them all to look up.  
  
"Shh little one its ok," Chandler tried to comfort the baby in his arms without causing too much of a commotion, but her crying only got louder and more painful. No amount of rocking or shhing was doing any good, Infact her wailing was growing worse if anything.  
  
"Chandler? Let me try?" Joey motioned to hold the baby and readily accepted her into his arms.  
  
The moment she was close to his chest he felt his body de-tense, all the troubles of the last few months draining away from him as he cradled his daughter back into sleep. All three watched on in astonishment as the baby's crying subsided immediately and replaced it with gurgling and laughter.  
  
Joey couldn't believe how wonderful it was to have her back in his life. She was a little part of him; she even had his dark features, her big brown half-Italian eyes staring absorbedly up at him made his heart ache. He had lost out on a tiny part of her life and he never wanted to miss a single thing again, until the day he died. He had her back and he wasn't letting her go. If only he could have her mother as well he wished momentarily as he swayed his daughter tenderly to and fro. His broken heart was mending itself with every wave.  
  
The baby quickly drifted off back into a deep slumber and Joey walked her over to a very anxious looking Phoebe, who had watched the whole thing with hope in her heart.  
  
"Have you held her yet?" He asked quietly so as not to wake her back up, his voice was not allowing the fear that he felt become evident as he spoke to her.  
  
Phoebe shook her head sorrowfully, tears trailing her cheeks. Her emotions curdled together as he looked at her the way he had done the night their daughter had been conceived. The love and compassion he often hid were now radiating from his eyes, as though telepathically telling her everything was ok.  
  
"I can't support her yet, im not strong enough after the operation."  
  
He knelt down to the left of Phoebe and motioned to her with his head for her open her arms, which she did, unsurely at first, but fully trusting of what he was about to do. She knew he would never purposely put her or their daughter in jeopardy. He placed the baby into them and held onto her underside, firmly supporting her as her mother cuddled her for the first time since her birth.  
  
The room was filled yet again with silence, but this time there was nothing uncomfortable about it, it was peaceful almost. Monica moved herself closer to Chandler and cuddled into him lovingly as they smiled joyously at seeing Phoebe finally get to hold her child the way she had for so long wished to do. They were both certain they saw happiness in her eyes, and that child-like quality that she once possessed was there once again. The old Phoebe they all adored was returning in front of their eyes and it couldn't have made them more contented. They were sure they had lost that part of her forever in London.  
  
Phoebe didn't want to let go, but the pain in her abdomen was telling her she had to. "Let's put her in the crib," She looked back at Joey and watched as he slipped his hands away from her arms, and straightened himself into a standing position. As his fingers brushed her bare arms she felt feelings she hadn't done since London. Electricity. Excitement. And most importantly, love.  
  
Joey started to make his was towards the middle of the room where the crib was positioned, but stopped at the sound of Phoebe calling his name.  
  
"Let me help, please?" She wanted more than anything to put her baby to bed, and she knew with his help it would be possible.  
  
"Sure," He almost went to call her sweetie, but stopped himself, still unsure of his and her feelings. "Best not to rock the boat" He thought.  
  
He waited for a moment for her to get up, but when she didn't move it became apparent to him she was unable to move on her own. Chandler had already broken free from Monica, in big brother mode, ready to assist her, but Joey clearly already had it under control. Chandler couldn't believe this was the same man who had walked from his bedroom only 15 minutes ago, unwashed and unshaved, looking like the town tramp. The old Joey was back too. The guy Chandler respected and loved like a brother. The guy who had the biggest heart of anyone he knew. He may not have been the Einstein of the group, bringing intelligent conversations with him, but he most certainly was the one most capable of being their when you need him, and for that he admired him.  
  
Joey carefully wrapped his free arm around Phoebe's waist, and vigilantly guided her towards the center of the room, stopping every few steps to check she was all right.  
  
He let go his grip of her, lifting her hand sympathetically and placing it on the cribs side for her to hold onto while he placed to baby down to sleep.  
  
"Joey, you gave her hugsy?" Phoebe let out a gasp of amazement as she saw the stuffed toy strategically placed next to her daughters' body, much to Joey's embarrassment.  
  
"I promised her I would give it to her when I had her and her mom home safe, and here you are so," He cut off in mid sentence and watched his own feet shuffle on the beige carpet, avoiding her amorous stare.  
  
Seeing his friends uncomforting looks, Chandler broke the silence.  
  
"Hey, you all must be starving, I know I am, so why don't we eat some of this delicious food prepared just this afternoon by my wonderful new girlfriend," He quipped, not realizing no one new about him and Monica yet. Now it was his turn to squirm.  
  
"You two are together?" Joey and Phoebe chorused simultaneously.  
  
"That's right guys, me and Mon and now officially a couple."  
  
"But how?" Joey tried to get his brain around it all.  
  
"I think we both realized life is too short to take things for granted. So when Phoebe was in having her operation we, well, just went for it. There's no time for missed opportunities in this world." Monica hugged into Chandler again, warmed by his sweet words.  
  
"That's so great," Phoebe added, trying as hard as she could to sound enthusiastic. She was truly happy for her friends, but watching them cozy up only made her realize what she was missing. That kind of tenderness was something she had never had with a man, or anyone for that matter. The only time she had felt remotely loved was when she lay in Joey's arms in that hotel room in London, wondering what she had done to deserve such an amazing person. But it had all been torn from her so rapidly that she didn't have a chance to savor it. The memory of it was just that, a distant recollection of a time when things where good, for just that brief second.  
  
"I don't think im in the mood to eat. Sorry Mon, I know you've went to such trouble to do this for me" She looked over at the mountains of food that sat on the counter. Still holding onto the side of the crib she let go and attempted to walk back to where she had been sitting, but as her hand slid free from the wooden slat she felt her knees begin to buckle and collapse beneath her. In a hopeless effort to save herself she threw her arm back out towards the crib, but it was too late, she couldn't reach it in time. She was inches from hitting the ground when she felt herself being dragged back upwards by the waist.  
  
"PHOEBE!" Joey dropped to his knees and grabbed her frantically, pulling her into the safeness of his embrace.  
  
"Are you ok?" He didn't wait for an answer, he looked all over her body to make sure she was in one piece before devotedly yanking her body into his, cuddling her with all his might.  
  
At first she was surprised, and almost scared to hug him back, but the longer her held her the more she melted into his hold, their bodies molding together as one.  
  
"Phoebe, I," he whispered into her ear, but he was cut off by the front door bursting open.  
  
"WE'RE GETTING MARRIED, ARGHH" Rachel squealed with utter delight as she ran towards her friends, flailing her arms in the air, followed closely by an exhausted looking Ross, who was trying to catch up with her.  
  
"Oh my God congratulations you guys!" Monica, Chandler, Ross and Rachel danced around the room hugging, watched on by Joey and Phoebe, who had now broken their embrace and looked on at their friends, frowns on both their faces.  
  
Suddenly remembering why they were there, Rachel and Ross broke free and turned to look at Phoebe on the floor.  
  
"Welcome home sweetie!" Rachel ran towards her and kissed her ardently on the forehead, again followed by Ross who copied her kiss.  
  
"What are you doing down there?" Ross laughed at the sight of her on her knees in the middle of the room.  
  
Joey got up from his position and pulled Phoebe up with him.  
  
"She went for a little trip," Joey tried to defuse the situation by joking, and it worked as everyone guffawed at what had happened. Even Phoebe managed a small chuckle.  
  
"Ok, well I hate to leave so soon, but im dragging Ross home to consummate this engagement," Rachel laughed as she dragged him by the arm towards the door, and he certainly wasn't complaining or resisting.  
  
"Uh, do you need to put that image in our heads?" Monica grimaced at the thought of her best friend and her brother having sex.  
  
"Bye your guys. See you tomorrow." And with that the door slammed behind them, leaving the other 4 lost for words yet again.  
  
"Well, it's getting late, I suppose I had better be getting home too. Do you fancy staying the night with me? I don't want to be alone if Rachel's spending the night with Ross," Monica looked at Chandler suggestively, letting him know they would be doing more than sleeping if he agreed.  
  
"How can I pass up on an offer like? Just let me get my pajamas." He joked.  
  
"Oh trust me, you wont be needing any night clothes." Monica retorted back.  
  
"Guys? I don't want to spoil your night, but before you go could you help me find a hotel." Phoebe looked sadly at the loved up couple.  
  
"Oh my God Pheebs, I totally forgot you didn't have a place to stay! I'm so sorry hun."  
  
"You're not going to a hotel! You're staying right here, where I can keep an eye on you and the little one! You can have Chandler's room while he stays at Mon's and then we can work out tomorrow a more permanent solution." Joeys face looked so serious she found it hard to argue with him, as awkward as she thought it would be she knew she really didn't have another option.  
  
"Ok, now that's sorted let me help you settle in," Joey lifted her bags and helped her walk into Chandler's room.  
  
"Goodnight guys, we'll see the three of you at mine for breakfast?" Monica had to shout, as they got further away from her sight.  
  
"Okay," Joey screamed back from the room as Monica and Chandler quietly slipped out of the apartment.  
  
Once safely outside in the hallway Chandler threw his arms around Mon once again. "I just wish those two would put everything behind them and move on. They are made for each, it's so stupid!"  
  
"What do you mean? They had a one-night stand in London. Just because they have a baby doesn't mean they have to play happy families. It's the 21st century Chandler!" Monica looked a little mad as she read him the riot act.  
  
"Monica he's besotted with her. Ive never known Joey to love someone so much, ever! The only girl he's been with since has been that Gemma girl, who im still not convinced was real, since we never got to see her, and as you know, that just isn't like him. Geez he used to have a new one every day, at least. You know there were times id come home from work and there would be a whole cheerleading squad sitting in my living room!"  
  
"Ok Chandler I get the point," Monica rolled her eyes as she let herself into the apartment,  
  
"So how do you know this? What's he said to you?" Her eagerness for answers was apparent on her face.  
  
"He told me at the hospital the day Phoebe had her operation. He couldn't handle it all, it was too much for him, he was terrified he was gonna crack up again." He took a seat on the couch next to Monica to get comfortable as he resumed his story.  
  
"He wants more than anything for them to be a family, but something's stopping him and I don't know what he never said. I think there's hope for them though; you could see it tonight when they looked at each other."  
  
"I know what you mean," Monica nodded in recognition.  
  
"I half expected them to arguing when Joey appeared, but there was just this eerie calm, did you notice it?"  
  
"Yeah, it was weird wasn't it? It was like they were seeing each other for the first time." Chandler agreed.  
  
Monica sighed. "Oh well, I guess only time will tell huh?" They sat in silence for a moment, thinking about the night's events.  
  
"Do you want to go to bed now?" Monica looked over at him slyly.  
  
"You need to ask me that?" He lifted her from the couch and carried her, both giggling, into the bedroom for a night of fun.  
  
~*~  
  
Phoebe sat on the edge of the bed watching Joey put the last of her things into a spare drawer in Chandler's bedside cabinet.  
  
"Ok, that's me done. Here, you can wear this until we get all your clothes washed." He handed her an oversized Knicks T-shirt and headed for the door, leaving her to get ready for bed.  
  
"Joey?" Phoebe called him back, unease in her voice at what she was about to say.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I can't," She stopped for a moment to compose herself.  
  
"I can't undress on my own. I'm not able to lift my arms and strip at the same time, it hurts too much. I always need someone to help me, and Monica usually does it but," He cut her off.  
  
"It's ok sweetie, I can help you," He didn't think twice about what he had just said to her, it just felt natural.  
  
He walked over to the bed and sat next to her, patting her hand in reassurance. "What do I need to do?" He looked at her confidently, not wanting to show his apprehension.  
  
"If I lift my arms slowly can you lift my top over my head?" She couldn't bring herself to make eye contact with him, she felt too mortified.  
  
"Of course," He watched as she delicately raised her arms over her head and he held onto the bottom of her top and began to lift it, until it was over her head and off. He threw it down onto the floor and held onto her arms as she slowly brought them back down.  
  
Joey looked down at her long black trousers, something Phoebe would never have been caught dead in before and looked back up at her.  
  
"Do you need help with those too?  
  
"I need help with everything," Joey couldn't tell if the embarrassed look on her face was due to the awkward situation, or the fact she needed help at all. She was always so independent, and now she was practically bed ridden.  
  
With careful precision he aided her in removing the rest of her clothes and putting on his t-shirt. As he slipped it cautiously over her head and slid it down over her body, he felt her shiver ever so slightly.  
  
She had felt it again, that electricity of his touch on her tender, bare skin. She finally was able to look at him.  
  
"Thank you," She said, truly sincere in her words.  
  
He looked longingly back at her. "Your welcome," he stood up quickly, realizing he was inches away from wanting to kiss her.  
  
As he was almost out of the door her turned back.  
  
"If there is anything at all you need you just shout on me, ok?"  
  
She nodded and flashed him a smile.  
  
As the door shut the smile fell from her face and she let out a sigh, letting her head fall onto the pillow. She had wanted him to kiss her, not leave her all alone, but it was all too soon. She had so much explaining and apologizing to do, and now wasn't the right time to be confessing feelings. Was it?  
  
As she thought things over her eyes became heavy and the days events took their toll as sleep washed over her. Moments later she was in a deep sleep, dreaming peacefully.  
  
~*~  
  
Joey pulled the duvet cover over his body and sunk into the soft mattress below him. Under normal circumstances he would have been asleep the minute his head hit the pillow, but tonight was no ordinary night. All he could think about was Phoebe and his daughter, who was asleep in the next room. Only days ago he had envisioned himself a lonely old man, holed up in a dingy apartment downtown, mulling over his regrets. But now here he was faced with opportunity to make things right, and he couldn't bring himself to do it. He wanted to so badly, but he felt he had a lot of explaining to do. She would hardly want him now, after all he had done. Would she? He shook his head and turned on his side to look at the cabinet beside him. On it sat the envelope he had managed to talk Ursula into giving him. He reached up and emptied the contents into the palm of his hand, admiring its beauty as he twiddled it between his fingers. She deserved this so much, but he couldn't let himself believe he was the man to give it to her. She deserved someone better. He put it back and sat it back next to his lamp. He fell into sleep with tears falling from his eyes. He had messed up, and there was no way to repair it, was there?  
  
~*~ 


	36. Welcome Home Part 2: Feels like home

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends.  
  
A/N: This is the last part :o(I know, I wish it wasn't either, but it really is this time. But the good news is its nearly 8000 words long, so that's like 8 chapters rolled into one for you ;o)  
  
This is my last chance to thank you all for the fab reviews you've sent me over the last 4 months, I can't into words how much I appreciate it. Anyway guys, I wont keep you from reading the last bit. Hope you enjoy it. Mwah  
  
~*~  
  
"No, no please no." Phoebe tossed and turned in her bed, beads of sweat dripping from her forehead, which was now wrinkled from the distressed look that was contorting on her face. Suddenly her body jerked forward and sat up straight in the sweat soaked bed. Her panting was desperate, her eyes adjusting to the darkness. Without second thought she threw her legs hastily over the side of the bed and grabbed onto the bedside table to steady her. She pulled herself onto her feet, her mind still reeling from the nightmare she had just awoken from. Putting one leg in front of the other she gently moved herself towards the door, pain soaring through her body, but she ignored it as best she could. She had to get to Joey; if it killed she had to be near him. With small gentle movements she managed to get to his bedroom door. Holding onto the doorknob she took a few deeps breaths and waited for the pain to subside before continuing her journey.  
  
She took a quick glance over at her sleeping daughter and gave a smile. She looked so peaceful, completely unaware of the situation between her parents. So innocent.  
  
She turned back around; content in the knowledge her little girl was ok and turned the handle, letting it slide open to reveal Joey curled up in a ball on the right hand side of the bed.  
  
"Joey?" She whispered, not wanting to wake him, but at the same time desperate for him to open his eyes and see her.  
  
Nothing.  
  
She waited a moment, watching his steady breathing, before calling out his name again.  
  
"Joey?" She said a little louder this time, and it worked. He sat bolt upright in bed, staring dreamily around him to see where the noise had come from, for a moment forgetting Phoebe was staying with him.  
  
"Pheebs! What are you doing here? How did you get from your bed to the door? You can't walk!" He jumped from the bed and ran towards her, bundling her tightly in his arms, he lifted her carefully off the ground and placed her down on the left hand side of the bed.  
  
It was then the tears she had bottled up for so long began to fall.  
  
"Joey I had a nightmare," Before she could finish he cut in.  
  
"About London? Or the hospital?"  
  
"Worse. I dreamt that you died and I lost you forever. I couldn't bare that Joey. I love you so much." Her sobbing made her words almost undecipherable, but there was no mistaking those words. "I love you."  
  
He had resisted holding her all night, but he couldn't defend against hugging her now.  
  
"Phoebe I love you too, so much it hurts. But ive let you down in so many ways and I can't make up for that, no matter how hard I try. You deserve someone who can be a bigger man than I have been these last few months.  
  
"The only man I deserve is you. I don't want anyone else, I never have. You are all I've ever dreamed about. That night in London when you said you loved me, I didn't believe it, as much as I wanted to I couldn't set myself up for rejection, that's why I had to leave. I didn't leave because I thought I had made a huge mistake by sleeping with you, it was the opposite. I wanted and loved you so much I left to spare us both the pain."  
  
"But why? I would never have rejected you."  
  
"You would have when I told you about my past. Its not all been a bed of roses Joe. Ive had so much sorrow and pain that it tore me apart. I dealt with it, but I didn't think you could have." She sobbed again, choking on her own tears.  
  
"Ursula told me about your past and I don't care. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you hear! The person who should be most ashamed is your stepfather. God if I could just get my hands on that bastard I would kill him. I love you for who you are, not what has or hasn't happened to you before I knew you. The phoebe you are now is the Phoebe I adore." Joey stroked her cheek as her tears of sorrow turned to tears of relief.  
  
"I didn't try to purposely keep the baby from you Joey, you've got to believe me when I say that. I came to tell you, but you thought I was Ursula so I ran again. I couldn't bear to think of you with her. It seemed to me that you had forgotten all about me and gone to her instead. She always got everything she wanted, and in most cases everything I wanted as well, you included. Its like she purposely set out to steal my life. I was arguing with her when I went into labor, she didn't even try to help me. If it hadn't been for Rachel." Her crying was unstoppable.  
  
"You were Ursula the day she, I mean you came to my apartment? Oh my God, Pheebs if I had know I wouldn't have stopped chasing you, I would have followed you to the end of the earth and back, just to have held you again. I might have stopped all this from happening. The baby being premature, your coma, everything, its all my fault." Now it was Joey's turn for waterworks.  
  
Seeing him so emotional made her heart twang with guilt. "Joey, none of this is your fault. Its no ones fault, not even mine, and its taken me a long time to be able to say that. I agree none of this should have happened, I don't know about you but this has made me such a stronger person. Im not scared of life anymore! The strong person I used to pretend to be is the person I'm about to become. I'm sick of crying, sick of feeling sorry for myself and sick of others taking pity on me. I want my life back and I want you to be a part of it. You, me and our daughter, as a family, the way it should it be." She leant her body closer to him and touched his face, the stubble from his newly grown beard rough under her hand.  
  
"Phoebe, I've missed you so much, please don't ever leave me again, I couldn't bear it, it would kill me. For us to be together it would be amazing, all ive ever wanted, but im too scared of losing you again. I don't think I would cope all over. The last time you left I," He paused to think about the night he had his breakdown.  
  
Flashback  
  
Slam! He tossed the empty bottle of Vodka across the room, drunkenly trying to get it into the waste bin, but missing by about a foot. It bounced across the room, thudding along the carpet, stopping and rolling under the foosball table that had been un-played since before London.  
  
He watched its every move, almost as if in slow motion, his brain unable to register its movements. The minute it's rolling subsided his tears started. Uncontrollable wailing filled the once silent room. He rose from his seat and staggered towards the door, leaving it wide open behind him. Who cared if someone broke in and stole everything? Where he was planning on going he didn't need any of that stuff anyway. He climbed the stairwell and busted out into the cool night air on the rooftop. He stood, swaying at the edge, contemplating his next move.  
  
~*~  
  
"Well, thanks for a great night, I'll call you sometime," As he turned away from the small red headed woman he rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like that's ever gonna happen," He muttered under his breath.  
  
He climbed the stairs, thinking about every lousy date he had been on since London, all two of them. No one had compared to Monica, and no one was likely too. She was unique in every way.  
  
As he got to his door all his thoughts were broken. The door was wide open and inside looked like a whirlwind had hit it. Under normal circumstances he would have believed they had burgled, but ever since Joey had started drinking heavily this was just a typical occurrence.  
  
"Joe?" Chandler searched the room for his friend, but he was nowhere to be found. He shut the door over and chapped at Monica's. No answer. She was obviously out enjoying herself, he though gloomily.  
  
"He can't have been away for long, and if he had gone downstairs I would have seen him," Chandler stood in the hallway trying to figure where he could have gone.  
  
"Ill try the roof," He set off in hot pursuit of his friend.  
  
~*~  
  
The wind blew threw his hair as he wobbled unsteadily on the roofs ledge. He looked down at the 100ft drop, all trace of fear now gone. This was going to take his pain away forever. The vodka no longer drowned out his sorrows, so this was his final solution. He held his right leg out over the edge and took a deep breath, but his jumping was put on hold as he heard a bang behind him.  
  
"JOEY! NO!" Chandler ran towards him, stopping himself inches away, afraid he would scare him, causing him to fall.  
  
"Chandler go away. I need to do this and I don't want you to see it." Joey didn't turn round, his gaze fixed firmly on the ground below him.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere, and I refuse to let you do this. Joe what is so bad that you feel the need to end it all? Things cant be that bad can they? Why don't you come down, and sober up. If you still want to do this when your mind is clear then ill let you. But I wont let you jump when you're drunk." Chandler tried his best coaxing tactics, praying they would work. His voice was so steady it amazed him, because inside he was petrified.  
  
"I have nothing. Everything ive ever wanted has been ripped away from me, and its not coming back, so what have I got to live for? Everything is just pointless, nothing in my life makes sense anymore, its like I have a limb missing, I don't know how to function without it."  
  
Chandler didn't waste anytime in throwing Joeys analogy back in his face.  
  
"People lose limbs all the time. And you know what they do? They get on with life. Its always hard to do, but you know the minute they adjust life returns to normal, its all part of a recovery process. You need recovery and adjustment, not death!"  
  
Joey listened intently to what he had to say, but understanding comparisons were hard enough for him to comprehend sober, never mind after a bottle of Vodka.  
  
Chandler watched on in fear, awaiting Joeys next move, but he didn't need to worry. Joey lifted his left leg backwards and rested it on ground level, followed by his right. He stood facing the street for a moment before turning his attention to his terrified friend.  
  
"I'm scared Chandler. Scared of what life has in store for me. Scared of being alone. Scared of losing everyone I've ever loved." Chandler held him tightly, not caring who saw and what they thought. His best friend was in turmoil and he needed to help him in anyway he could.  
  
"Hey, listen to me, you have nothing to be scared of. Life is always gonna throw things at us that we don't like, but you're never going to be alone through it. You have me, and Ross and Monica. We're not going anywhere, you hear? Especially not me!" He could feel Joey nodding on his shoulder.  
  
"I think I need to talk to someone. You know, like a psych," Joey stumbled on his words, unable to say what he wanted.  
  
"A psychiatrist? Sure, I can arrange that for you. Anything you want to make you feel better is no problem, we can do it." Joey knew what he was saying was true, but deep down he knew the only thing that would make him better was for Phoebe to come back to him and that was one thing Chandler couldn't make happen.  
  
Safe in the knowledge he was going to get help, he allowed Chandler to take him back to the apartment, both vowing never to discuss the night's events with each other again.  
  
~*~  
  
"Joey? What you thinking about?" Phoebe looked at the sad expression on his face and began to get worried.  
  
"Oh nothing really, I was just remembering how I felt when I thought I would never get you back. I'm sorry if I scared you," He noticed the look on her face.  
  
"I can understand why you wouldn't want anything to do with me again, I ruined your life. But I know how that feels, because I ruined mine too. I have a lot of apologizing to do, and not just to you, I owe everyone an explanation. I have to make sure no one hates me for what I did."  
  
"Pheebs no one hates you, we all love you. You have no idea how hard we looked for you! We even ended up in Scotland, which turned out uneventful."  
  
Phoebe's eyes opened in shock.  
  
"You went to Scotland? How did you know I'd be there?"  
  
"Monica spoke to some guy at the station and he had seen you, so we found out what bus you got on and followed you up there. We hunted for you, but we couldn't find you, then Ross and Rachel talked to this shopkeeper who you had bought cigarettes from and he said you were going back to the states. So I flew back alone, the others couldn't get a flight. But you weren't here." Joey rushed out his words, condensing the week into its key moments.  
  
"I told that guy I was coming back to America because I didn't want to discuss things with him. I had no intentions of going back to the US, I went to Paris instead." Phoebe hung her head, if only she had told the truth that day then maybe he would have found her sooner, from what she heard they had gotten so close to it anyway.  
  
"Paris?" Joey's eyes widened.  
  
"Yeah, Emily gave me her holiday house to stay in until I sorted myself out, that's when I bumped into Rachel,"  
  
Joey shook his head in amazement.  
  
"This is all just too much to take in. Emily? That explains why she called your apartment and left a message,"  
  
"She did?" Phoebe questioned, but Joey never answered.  
  
"How did it get to this?" Joey kept shaking his head.  
  
"All those wasted Months, we could have been together,"  
  
"Joey, it wasn't that simple. I had to get my head together, I was so messed up, and things had gotten too much for me. I was depressed before I even left America, and what happened in London was just the icing on the cake for me, it pushed me over the edge. All my memories of childhood came flooding back, and they weren't normal. I had spent so many years blocking them out, but I couldn't do it any longer. I was in such a bad place in my life, and it was just unfortunate that it happened to be the same day we got together."  
  
"But you didn't have to leave me Phoebe, you could have stayed, worked through it. I would have helped you, been by your side through it all. The night you were almost, well you know, I vowed to you that I would never let anyone or anything hurt you again, and I meant it, I really did."  
  
Phoebe hung her head in shame again, wishing she had made different choices.  
  
"I know that now. Maybe back then I didn't want to believe it, but I want more than anything to believe it now."  
  
Phoebe leaned in closer to him, lifting her head so it was just millimeters from his. She moved in to plant a kiss on his lips, but he pulled back.  
  
"Im sorry Phoebe, I can't do this, not now." Joey moved from the bed and lifted a spare sheet from his shelf.  
  
"I'll sleep on the couch, you stay there. Get a good nights sleep." He took one last look at her and closed the door over. He leaned over the crib and watched his daughters' chest lift and fall with every small breath she took.  
  
"I love your mommy so much, but we hurt each other really badly. Maybe one day we will be together, but if we don't, always remember I love you, and im there for you, no matter what" he kissed his hand and touched her forehead as gently as he could without waking her.  
  
He curled himself into a ball on the sofa and stared at the wall, motionless. He could hear Phoebe crying in his room and his heart twisted with guilt. He was now the one hurting her; in the same way she had hurt him, by rejecting her. He hated himself for it, for putting her through it, knowing all too well how it felt, but he was scared, more scared than he had ever been.  
  
He let his mind wander back 3 months.  
  
Flashback  
  
A buzzer sounded loudly in the plain looking room he was sat in, stopping his conversation in its tracks.  
  
"Well Joey, that's your therapy over for today, and from what you tell me you think that you won't be needing to come back?"  
  
Joey nodded confidently.  
  
"Just before you go, can I ask how you're feeling about everything? Including your sessions here in the last two months."  
  
Joey thought about it for a moment before answering her questions.  
  
"To be honest I feel a whole lot better. I don't feel suicidal anymore, but," He trailed off.  
  
"Carry on," His Dr. encouraged him, leaning forward expectantly, listening to him intently.  
  
"I still miss her terribly. That's why I have decided to end the therapy. I don't think any amount of counseling will help me with that. I could come to you every week for 10 years and ill still pine for her. But thanks to you I know how to control it, to accept it."  
  
"Joey it's entirely understandable you feel this way. You didn't just lose love, you lost a friend too, and that's always hard to deal with, for anyone. You have done remarkably well in the last 8 weeks, considering what you have been through. It takes most people years to come has far as you have recently. And as far as I can see you have improved 100%"  
  
Joey flashed her a smile, grateful embarrassment making him blush.  
  
"Maybe 98%," Dr. Adams smiled back politely.  
  
"What do you think would help fill in that 2%?" She questioned.  
  
Again he was left pondering her inquiry.  
  
"I don't know. Maybe if I was able to talk to one of my friends about it all? Chandler, he knows about my situation, but he doesn't know what caused it. No one does. They all have so much going on in their own lives; I would just feel guilty burdening them with my problems. None of them have been the same since Phoebe left. Her disappearance split us all up, it was like if we can't hang out as normal, as the 6 of us, then we don't hang out at all. I hardly see anyone anymore. I only see Chandler because we share an apartment, and im pretty sure if it wasn't for that we wouldn't talk at all anymore." Joey's eyes flashed with sadness.  
  
"So it all had a bit of a knock on effect then?" The Dr. nodded in acknowledgement.  
  
Joey shrugged his shoulders and continued.  
  
"I replay London in my head all the time. I often wonder what it would be like if things hadn't happened the way they did. There are so many what ifs in my brain. What if I hadn't taken the job in the play? What if I hadn't invited Phoebe to the party? What if I hadn't admitted I loved her? What if she hadn't gone? Things might have been so different."  
  
"But, those things did happen, and you have to accept that sooner or later. You can't change the past, but you can change your future."  
  
Her words struck a cord with him. "You can't change the past, but you can change your future." Chandler had said almost the same thing to him recently. That's what he would do from now on. No more looking back, only looking forward.  
  
"Is there anyone you could talk to? Someone who knows Phoebe, someone who knows what happened?"  
  
"There's her sister, but they didn't get on. I don't know if talking with her would do me any good? She was the one who told me about Phoebe's past, she's still pretty bitter."  
  
"Maybe it would do you some good. She would be able to fill you in on what has gone on in Phoebe's life; it may make you understand why she ran away a little better. It could give you the closure you are looking for." Dr. Adams suddenly sounded positive, as though she had found the perfect solution to all his troubles.  
  
Joey nodded unsurely.  
  
"If you think it will help then I'll give it a try,"  
  
Both he and Dr. Adams stood from their seats and walked to the door.  
  
She patted him consolingly on the shoulder.  
  
"Take care Joey, and remember if you feel you have made the wrong decision in leaving therapy don't hesitate to call me and make an appointment. I'm always here to talk."  
  
Joey listened to what she had to say, but he knew that even if he did regret finishing his sessions he would never return. He had had enough, as much as it helped, he just wanted to get back to normal. Or at least as normal as things could be.  
  
As he walked down the deserted street on his way to Ursula's apartment he asked himself over and over again if he was doing the right thing by visiting her. He chapped her door and waited for her to answer.  
  
"How bad can it be? He shrugged it off, not knowing the full extent of what lay ahead for him.  
  
~*~  
  
He stopped himself from going any further with his thoughts, before he wadded into dangerous territory. He no longer wanted the memory of seeing Ursula for the first time and imaging it was Phoebe. He no longer wanted the memory of being seduced and having sex with a woman he hated, but loved at the same time. He hated her because she was Ursula, but he loved her because it was like having Phoebe back in his arms once again.  
  
He allowed himself to picture the real deal. The night in London when he had the real love of his life in his arms, not the identical substitute.  
  
Flashback  
  
He turned around slowly to see her sitting on the bed, staring straight at him. "Phoebe, I'm." "Shh" she said as she motioned him over to her. He got up and walked towards the bed not knowing what to think. He stopped in front her. He looked down to see her reach for the top of the towel. She gently unhooked it and let it slip around her, never taking her eyes from Joey. She wanted to savour his reaction, never to forget it.  
  
He knelt down in front of her so they were face to face and reached his hands up to touch the sides of her head, allowing them to run through her long blonde hair before leaning in to kiss her for the first time.  
  
As their lips met he began to feel his heart pound erratically. He had waited for this moment for so long and here it was happening he could hardly believe it. His touch made her shiver with anticipation and excitement, in a way that until now was alien to her. She moved herself further up the bed and he followed, never once allowing their lips to part. Things grew more heated, their embrace becoming more passionate as the situation became more comfortable, all their apprehension washing away with every touch. Joey sat back and took in her form, noting how beautiful and angelic she looked. He circled the tiny purple patches that were beginning to shape under her skin tenderly, as if trying to make them better, his eye contact with her remaining firm as he did so.  
  
The lovemaking that followed was a first in many ways for both. It was the first time they had been together, but it was also the first time that both had not just had "sex". There was emotion there too, and that meant so much more than the passion. Any time Joey had had sex in the past it was purely just for the pleasure that it induced, nothing more. But this was different. He didn't care about the pleasure for him, all he cared about was having her in his arms, having that special connection that brought them that bit closer together.  
  
Phoebe on the other hand had the opposite problems with sex. She had very few sexual partners in the past, compared to Joey at least. Being intimate with someone was always a nightmare for her, memories of her childhood always clouded the experience, never letting it be fun. There was no one she trusted enough to sleep with, without terror making her panic, she only ever did it because her boyfriends got tired waiting. That was until now. This she wanted. No fear and no memories of her abuse entered her head. This time she was able to lie back and enjoy the experience without clenching in dread.  
  
Their smiles were huge as they parted from each other and took a side of the bed each.  
  
His arms were wrapped tightly around her waist, he was afraid to let go for fear that he would never get to be near her again. She slid down the bed and faced towards him, his arms never loosening their grip. Neither had to say a word, their faces said it all. Phoebe reached over and switched off the light before turning back to snuggle tightly into Joey. She shut her eyes as she drifted into sleep, the smile never leaving her face.  
  
Joey watched her for 20 minutes, as she breathed in and out in slow, steady breaths. She looked so beautiful and peaceful. Her eyes flickered slightly. He knew she was dreaming and he just hoped it was about him, and not what had happened to her earlier.  
  
This was just how he had pictured it, Phoebe in his arms as she slept, his strong arms holding her securely.  
  
~*~  
  
It was that day that Joey realised how intense his love for phoebe really was. It wasn't just a fling, or a passing romance. This was the real thing. She was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.  
  
As he sat on the couch listening to Phoebe still sobbing in his room he wondered if those feelings had ever left him. He shook his head. They hadn't left him at all. If anything they had intensified over time.  
  
He rose from the sofa quietly and stood at his door, apprehensive at what he was about to do, but deep in his heart he knew it was the right thing. He pushed all his trepidation aside and turned the handle.  
  
"Joey?" Phoebe sat upright and wiped her wet eyes.  
  
"Pheebs, I can't do this,"  
  
"Yeah so you told me, what are you back to rub it in?" Phoebe snapped and threw herself back onto the bed, pulling the duvet over her head to block her view of him.  
  
"No, I didn't mean it that way. What I meant was I can't ignore this any longer. I didn't mean to push you away, I wanted to kiss you back so much." The covers twitched slightly and the sound of sobbing stopped.  
  
"Talk to me Pheebs, please don't shut me out." Joey sat right next to her and pulled the duvet away from her face.  
  
"What made you come back?" She looked up at him from the tear soaked pillow.  
  
"This," He leaned down and swept the hair away from her face, cupping her chin in his hand, he moved himself forward and placed his lips affectionately onto hers. His eyes shut and his mind whirled with feel of her touch, her taste.  
  
"I missed you. I missed us." He pulled himself back into a sitting position and watched on at Phoebe's gob smacked expression, desperately waiting on her speaking.  
  
"I missed you too, so much. I love you Joey," She smiled and threw her arms frantically around him, feeling joy come back into her life once again. Life had meaning again with him so close to her.  
  
"Wait here," He dived from the bed and ran to the opposite side of the bed. She watched him curiously as he opened the drawer of his cabinet and took out a shabby white envelope.  
  
He carried it carefully back to where he was sitting and held it in his hands for a moment, looking it over.  
  
"What's that?" Phoebe questioned, puzzled at his actions.  
  
"Its something for you." He smiled warily, unsure of how she would react to what she was about to see.  
  
"Well, let me see," She laughed an made a grab for it playfully.  
  
He joined in her fun by pulling it back and hiding it under his arm, laughing along with her, but his tone turned serious.  
  
"before I show you it, I really need to explain a few things."  
  
"Ok?" She sat back, once again confused.  
  
"When I saw you in hospital my heart tore in two, mostly through guilt about everything that had happened, but a large part of it was my regrets at being with your sister."  
  
"Joey I don't care. Its in the past, I know you did it for reasons that were right at the time. I don't blame you for anything, you're with me now and that's all that matters," Phoebe jumped in to his defense.  
  
"No Pheebs, I know, but that's not what I meant. When I was with Ursula she was so spiteful towards you, sometimes I couldn't even bear to listen to her speak, she had such evilness in her," He shook his head at the thought and continued.  
  
"She told me about how when your Mom died you were already living on the streets, and how you didn't know for 4 years that she had killed herself. She mentioned that she had taken all your Mom's possessions and how she would be damned if you got a single item. I couldn't stand the idea of you not having something to remember her by. When you came out of the coma, and I thought you were going to be ok, I decided to go around to Ursula's and try and talk her into giving me just one thing of your moms."  
  
"You did that for me?" Phoebe's eyes welled up with compassion at his thoughtfulness.  
  
He nodded slightly embarrassed and continued.  
  
"It wasn't an easy job, but she finally gave in, saying she would never need this anyway," he pointed down to the envelope.  
  
"What is it?" Phoebe asked again.  
  
"I'm getting to that" He laughed at her impatience. It was so like the old Phoebe.  
  
"I brought it home and I never let it out of my sight for days. I carried it around with me for weeks, before I finally put it in the drawer, until tonight that is. When I was outside I realized there is more to this than just an heirloom, I want you to use it, as a gift from me," He loosened his grip on it and lifted the flap open. He emptied the contents onto the palm of his hand.  
  
Phoebe let out a gasp and threw her hand over her mouth.  
  
"My Mom's engagement ring from my Dad?"  
  
"I wanted it to be something special for you to keep, but now I want it to be your engagement ring as well." Joey took her left hand in his and got down from the bed, onto his knees.  
  
"Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me and make the happiest man on this earth?" Phoebe sobbed through her smiles and nodded excitedly, jumping into his arms as he got back onto the bed with her.  
  
"This is the happiest day of my life Joey, thank you for being in my life."  
  
"Hey, I'm the one who should be thanking you. If it wasn't for you I would have no life."  
  
They both sat in silence reviling in the moment, before Joey lent in and kissed her quickly on the nose.  
  
"Pheebs? Promise me something? Promise you will never run away again. If things get bad all you have to do is talk to me and we will work it out, together. No more secrets or lies from either of us."  
  
"I promise you. I made a mistake before, and the regret I will always live with, but from this moment on it's a clean slate. Pinky promise," She held out her finger and waited on him entwining his with hers. They both fell back onto the bed in laughter, their fingers wrapped around each other, joined, for eternity.  
  
~*~  
  
The reality of the nights events were but a distant memory as they lay in each others arms, still fully clothed and above the bed sheets. They had fallen asleep intertwined with each other as they talked late into the night, recounting many stories of their past, the time they spent apart, and what the future held for them both, their dreams, and aspirations.  
  
As the light beamed through the bedroom window, the diamond ring on Phoebe's finger shimmered and sent out rainbow like lights dancing around the room.  
  
"Are you awake?" Joey gave Phoebe a little squeeze as she lay with her back to his chest, his arms holding her protectively around the waist.  
  
"Hmm," was the only word she could muster, before letting out a yawn.  
  
"I am now," She giggled.  
  
"I don't know about you, but im so hungry. We didn't eat at all yesterday. That's like a record for me!" His eyes bulged at the realization.  
  
She laughed again.  
  
"You think Mon had made breakfast?" Phoebe questioned, unsure if Monica's morning habits had changed since she had been away.  
  
"Is the pope Catholic? Of course she has, it is Monica after all. Always the hostess. In fact, im pretty sure I can smell pancakes!"  
  
"Lets get dressed and go over!" Joey slid out from underneath Phoebe and ran around the room excitedly, picking up a pair of socks and trying to get them on his feet as he did so.  
  
"Eh Joe? Are you forgetting something?" She flashed him her biggest smile.  
  
"Aw, sweetie, of course I didn't forget," he ran over and kissed her on the lips, and sat back down.  
  
"Ok, arms over head," He sounded stern, but in a jovial way, trying to make like of things.  
  
Phoebe did as she was told, as best she could as Joey slid his Knicks T- shirt back over her head, just as he had done last night. But this time there was embarrassment, it all felt so natural.  
  
Joey looked down at her pale white skin and was immediately drawn to the scarlet red open wound that ran the length of her lower belly. He traced around it with his finger as he had done with her bruises in London.  
  
Phoebe watched his face for a sign of disgust, but it never came. Noticing her apprehension Joey spoke up.  
  
"Its going to heal soon, just like a broken heart, there will always be a scar, but the pain will go away," He bent down and kissed her stomach, trying his best not to hurt her.  
  
"I love you, and every part of you, this included. You never need to be ashamed of it"  
  
Phoebe nodded, holding back tears. She felt like the luckiest woman alive and wanted to scream her joy from the rooftops.  
  
He fetched her another t-shirt and a pair of shorts from his wardrobe and put them on her.  
  
"We really need to get your clothes cleaned, otherwise im not gonna have anything else to wear!" Joey quipped and lifted her from the bed into his arms.  
  
"Lets go eat!"  
  
~*~  
  
"I'LL GET IT!" Monica ran to the door leaving Chandler alone in the bedroom.  
  
She wrapped her robe tighter around her waist and opened the door ever so slightly to see who it could be.  
  
"Hey! Why didn't you just come in?" Monica opened the door wider and let Joey enter with Phoebe.  
  
"I kinda had my hands full," He looked down at Phoebe, who was giggling, soon to be joined in by Mon.  
  
"What's so funny? Eh?" He let his grip fall from the stroller that held their daughter and began to tickle Phoebe gently, sending her into more fits of laughter.  
  
"Wow. You guys have certainly perked up since last night." Monica couldn't help but smile at the sight of her two friends having fun. It was just lie old times.  
  
"Well, we did a lot of talking, and we sorted everything out," They both smiled in acknowledgment.  
  
Joey put Phoebe back on her feet and helped her into one of the dining room chairs before taking the seat next to her and kissed her tenderly on the mouth. Monica stood in utter amazement as she watched the stare into each other's eyes like there was no one else in the room.  
  
"Are you two together?" She shouted out in shock.  
  
They both smiled and nodded.  
  
"Yeah, its great isn't it!" Joey had the biggest grin on his face.  
  
"Oh and look!" Phoebe lifted her left hand and stuck her wedding finger into the air, waving it to show the ring that was now situated on it.  
  
"OH MY GOD!" Monica screamed at the top of her lungs, causing Chandler to come running into the room brandishing a bedside lamp.  
  
"What, what what?" Seeing the room was filled with his friends he eased up his hold on the lamp.  
  
"What's all the shouting about?" He questioned, a little mad at his sleep being interrupted.  
  
"Phoebe and Joey and engaged!" Monica held u Phoebe's hand for him to see the ring.  
  
Just at that the door opened a very happy looking Ross and Rachel bounded through it, unable to keep their hands off each other.  
  
Chandler, whose gaze was still on Phoebe's finger let out a shriek.  
  
"You guys are getting married!"  
  
"What?" Rachel stood amazed at what she just heard.  
  
"That's right, we are. We love each other, and that's what people in love do," Joey defended his corner.  
  
"Talk about stealing my thunder!" Rachel laughed and kissed her friends to congratulate them.  
  
"Im just kidding hun. Im so happy for you both!"  
  
Everyone looked up at Chandler waiting for his reaction.  
  
"Wow, well all I can say is. Finally! You guys are just perfect for each other, I couldn't think of a better person for either of you."'  
  
Everyone rallied around Phoebe's chair at the kitchen table and joined into a group hug, all celebrating the fact they had found there soul mate, the person they would spend the rest of their life's with and the fact they were all back together, as friends.  
  
Everyone broke off, heading in their own directions leaving Joey and Phoebe with their baby at the table. Chandler headed to the bedroom to get a robe. Ross and Rachel squashed themselves onto the couch, Rachel practically on his knee, and Monica did what she did best, cooked everyone breakfast.  
  
"So," Monica looked over her shoulder at the table as she stood at the frying pan, watching the pancakes rise.  
  
"What are you gonna call the baby? She cant be called baby girl Tribbiani forever."  
  
"I haven't had a chance to think about it, theres been so much going, and I want it to be special, not just some random name I pull from a baby book." Phoebe rocked her daughter in the stroller and tried to see if she could see what name she looked like.  
  
"What about you Joe? Any ideas?" Monica's attention was focused on her cooking but she was still able to chat.  
  
"Well, I really think Pheebs should chose but I didn't think of a name when I first saw her," He played with his hair awkwardly.  
  
"What name?" Phoebe looked at him expectantly, touched he had already thought about this.  
  
"I was thinking we could name her after your Mom. Lily is such a pretty name, and it suits her."  
  
"Joey that's so beautiful, I cant believe you would do that for me." Phoebe looked back at her daughter and said the name out loud.  
  
"Lily. Its prefect for her! Lily Joanna Tribbiani."  
  
"Joanna?" Joey asked in wonderment.  
  
"After you. That way she can have the nickname Joey, just like her dad. And I don't like the name Josephine, so don't even suggest it," Everyone laughed at Phoebe's comment; it was just such a Phoebe thing to say.  
  
"Awww, Pheebs, I love her new name. Little Lily Jo." He let out a sob and then smiled, his tears were tears of joy.  
  
As Monica finished making breakfast the gang gathered around the coffee table at the couch. They all tucked into their pancakes, giving out random "oh's and ah's" as they savored every last bite.  
  
"So," Ross began "Tell us all about Paris. How did you and Phoebe bump into each other?  
  
"Well," Rachel began.  
  
Joey and Phoebe could hear her recount the story in the background as they gazed at each other lovingly. The story of how he had got his true love back. This was the happiest day of his life, and he was going to make the most of it, for the rest of his life.  
  
There's something in your eyes  
  
Makes me wanna lose my self,  
  
Makes me wanna lose myself in your heart,  
  
There's something in your voice  
  
That makes my heart beat fast  
  
Hope this feeling lasts  
  
For the rest of my life  
  
If you knew how lonely  
  
My life has been  
  
And how long I've been so alone  
  
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along  
  
And change my life the way you've done  
  
It feels like home to me  
  
It feels like home to me  
  
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from  
  
It feels like home to me  
  
It feels like home to me  
  
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong  
  
A window breaks down on lumdard street  
  
And a siren rings in the night  
  
But I'm all right cuz I have you here with me,  
  
And I can almost see through the dark there is light  
  
Well if you knew how much this moment means to me  
  
And how long I've waited for your touch  
  
And if you knew how happy you are making me  
  
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much  
  
It feels like home to me  
  
It feels like home to me  
  
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from  
  
It feels like home to me  
  
It feels like home to me  
  
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong  
  
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong.  
  
~*~  
  
Ahh, all done now :o(How sad am I! Ive really enjoyed writing this so much. Oh well you never know, I may pop u with a sequel :o)  
  
Ok this is your last chance to review, so do it :o) Mwah Oh, and look out for my other story in FF.net "Someone like you" If you enjoyed this one I think you will like that one too.  
  
Bye for just now guys, Love Karen xxx 


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